Chapter 22

Jared
I wake up feeling a little off. I feel extremely dizzy and I'm lying on someone's lap. I look around the room and see something I never wanted to. When Laynie told me, she was pregnant last year, I didn't want to admit it. I didn't want to deal with it. As soon as I saw the baby pacifier I knew that everything I had put her through was wrong. So wrong. I have destroyed Laynie like my father destroyed my mother. My father. Shit. I need to call him. I'm going to be late today. The inspectors should be on the cite in a few days and I need to be there.
I try to lift my head up but feel a hand on my forehead. I close my eyes hard from being dizzy and try to reopen them. When I see Laynie I'm a little confused. Why am I on her lap?
"What's going on? I ask her.
"Oh God Jared. I was so scared. You fainted an hour ago. I was worried you weren't going to wake up. Thank God." She says holding me in a grappling hug.
I pull her arms from me, not wanting her to touch me, not here anyways. She looks down on me confused and then looks around the room. She must notice my hesitation has something to do with the room because she helps me up and walks out with me. I notice the door can't close any more like something ran into it.
"Laynie, why was I in there? Why was the door broken?" I ask in an accusing tone.
She looks back at me and closes her eyes. A tear running down her cheek. I want to hold her so bad, I want to wipe the tears from her eyes but I can't, I'm too far gone into the monster that he has made me.
"Jared, I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you about the baby really, I just couldn't. Me and you were finally in a happy place and I didn't want to mess that up. Truth is, I haven't gotten over the loss. It still hurts me, that's why I haven't change the babies room."
I'm not sure what the hell she is talking about. I already knew about the baby. Hell, I'm the one that called the doctor. I give her a confused state and interrupt her before she starts to blame herself. We both know it was my fault. Even if the doctor told us "These things just happen."
"Laynie, calm down. I know about the baby remember? You gave me a pacifier in a little blue box. I have just never seen the room before so I was a little confused. I also don't know why I woke up in there and on your lap. Did I drink last night?" I ask.
I don't feel hung over but I am a little dizzy. Laynie's eyes widen to the point where they look they are going to pop. She covers her mouth with her hand and tears pool at her eyes. Those beautiful brown eyes I love. Why is she crying. I know I told her I haven't seen the room but she is the one that locked it from the outside. I wanted to go in there and get some closure but I just couldn't, not without her anyway.
"Laynie, listen I have to get going. Do you know where my phone is?" I ask still confused as to why she is crying.
She slowly starts to back away from me and when she reaches the bedroom she steps in and puts on more clothes. She was only in a little nighty before. Something she hasn't wore in a very long time. I want to explore her so badly it hurts, but I don't deserve that. I don't deserve her. When she walks back to me with her sweats on and a t-shirt, I give her a pleading look. I really don't have time for this.
"Laynie, I know this was hard for you to see. I don't know why the door is broken but if I did that when I was drunk, I apologize. I just need my phone so I can call work." I say to her getting a little irritated.
"Jared." She says my name with a sigh, crossing her arms like she is protecting herself from me. "You don't work for your father anymore. It's been almost two months since the last time you worked for him.
Suddenly, everything comes running back to me. Those fucks coming in to kill me, the amnesia, the hospital, Alan and Anna coming down, even me final standing up to my father. I feel so fuzzy I have to sit. We are still in the middle of the hallway so I sit on the ground. When I look back up at her I see her trembling. This was her worst fear.
I sit on the ground and cover my eyes with my hands, rubbing hard. I look up at her and see fear. She is petrified I am going to her hurt her.
"Laynie, baby? Come sit with me." I say patting my lap. I want her as close as possible.
She sits on my lap still trembling with fear and I tell her something I have never told her before. Something that will break us. Something that I'm afraid to do, but know I'm my heart it must be done.
"I love you so much baby. I always have and I always will. I am so sorry I have put you through such misery these past twelve months. You didn't deserve that, which is why I have to tell you to leave." I say, my own tears pooling down my cheeks.
"W-What do y-you m-mean Jared." she says almost hyperventilating. I am breaking her. It is shattering me, but she needs to be far away from me. It's the only way this will work.
"It's over Laynie, I'm no good for you. I have put you through so much, and you're such a strong person, your still here. I need you to be even stronger and leave. Continue to be a good person to all to those you care for. Just not me. Not anymore. I can't let you" I tell her.
I close my eyes because I know she is going to cry, she is going to scream, she is going to break. When I hear her fall to the ground I keep my eyes closed. Her agonizing cries nearly destroy me further. I feel her grab onto my arms and beg me to look at her. I have to break her. I have to destroy her so that she can truly leave me.
"Jared please, I can change. I will get rid of this room. I will be a better wife. Please. Please Jared." She is screaming now. It takes everything in me not to grant her wish and be with her, but it wouldn't be healthy. We need to be apart.
"Laynie, I don't love you anymore." I say delivering the final blow.
When I hear nothing, I open my eyes to see her and she is just sitting there with a blank look on her face.
"You don't love me anymore?" she asks with a shattered appearance. I do the only thing I can. I lie to her.
"No." it's the word that will forever haunt me.
I look down as the last of my tears run down my face. "I'm setting you free Lane."
She looks up at me with an almost sorrowful look and sobs. I grab her and hold her with my own sobs wreaking havoc on my body. This is the most painful thing I have ever been through. I hate that I'm putting her through this but I have no choice. We have to be apart. We are too damaged together. This is all my fault. I have broken beauty and I deserve every painful wail that courses through my body.
After what seems like hours we finally stop weeping and look at each other. Tears still on the fringe of our eyes. She looks to the nursery and back at me. When her eyes meet mine, I see a bit of understanding in them. I know she realizes this is for what's best.
She stands up, looks down on me, the way it should be, and heads to our room. I hear her go into the closet so I know she is getting her suitcase. Minutes later she comes out. Same clothes, same hair due, but a look of pride on her. I have never been more in love with her than I am right now. That's why I must do this. She deserves better. She deserves more. I am still in the same spot in the hallway so I get up on shaky feet and look her in the eyes. I give her a small smile and lean in to kiss her forehead.
She closes her eyes and a tear silently escapes and rolls down her cheek. This is it. The moment where our hearts shatter. She gives me a deep sigh and starts walking down the hall to the living room. When she reaches the front door, she turns back and tells me something I will hear in every nightmare I deserve to have.
"You have broken me Jared, I loved you and you broke me. You were who I loved more than anything. I still do. Thank you for setting me free. I just wish I didn't have the scars to show the pain you have caused." With that she leaves.
I sink to the floor, eyes drawn to the door. I sit there for hours. Thinking of the person that loves me beyond all the pain, beyond all the agony, beyond all the torment, I have put her through.
I have hurt her, I have destroyed her trust, I have damaged my true love.