Chapter 68

Alan
The week is finally over, and I think I am more excited than the kids.
The final bell rings and the kids jump up out of their seats and run towards the exit. I normally keep them for a few seconds to finish up my last-minute thought and what their homework will be, but today is different. As soon as the last student leaves, Peter, I grab my briefcase and begin walking out of the room as well. I have a ton of work to grade and lots of prepping for Monday, but I want to get it all done today because this weekend will be jammed with just about everything under the sun.
Dad called me last night, told me that Sunday was the day he has the meeting with the committee on the homeless project in downtown Manhattan. He is going to fly each of my sisters out to help with the day as well. Dad told me that on that day, not only will we meet with the committee members, but also go around to the shelters and see what we can do to help. With Christmas coming up and the weather out here getting colder and colder, they are becoming more crowded, making for harder times for even the volunteers.
"You defiantly have more pep in your step than from a few weeks ago." Delilah says from behind me as I'm pushing my keys into my door knob. I turn and am surprised when I see what she is wearing.
Dark blue jeans with holes all over them, long black boots that go up to her knees, and a white blouse that shows a small bit of her black lace bra underneath. She looks amazing.
"Wow you look beautiful, where are you off to today?" I ask.
"Well I was going to meet someone for dinner, even got off work early so that I could meet them at the restaurant, but alas, I was stood up. Don't suppose you could go for a bite to eat, could you? My treat."
I want to tell her yes. I would love more and more friends here in New York, but something tells me the kind of dinner she has in mind requires a good night kiss at the end of it and I only want that with one woman.
"Can't actually, got so much stuff to grade tonight. It's going to be one of those nights for me. But, maybe another time?" She nods then heads into her apartment. I blow out a breath of air and walk into my apartment.
Anna and I have been texting back and forth all week. I told her about my parents coming down and about Sunday being an important day. I also told her all about being my father's helper that day and most likely often for anything that has to do with New York in his campaign. She seemed reserved. Almost uncertain to talk with me about anything revolving my father's campaign. She did ask if I were sure I wanted to do something like that, help my father with his campaign. She knew it was part of the reason I wanted to start a new somewhere else.
I walk over to my fridge and grab a Gatorade. I'm a bit excited knowing my family will be out here for a few days and that together we will be doing something amazing, but another part of me is nervous. I don't want my past dug up. I love that here in New York I'm not Paul King's son, I also love that I am not the 'King kid that almost killed that young girl'.
Every time I think of that night, I want to drink. It is a continuous loop that keeps pressuring its way back into my mind. I have forgiven Anna for what she did long ago, but I still feel the need to lose myself at the bottom of a bottle.
I get to work on everything I need to catch up with so that I have the weekend to myself. The kids are enjoying learning about Romeo and Juliet and the time frame. Monday is the day of the small skit I created, so they can show me what they really know.
I notice Peter's name isn't on this list of completed assignments, so I grab my class attendance sheet and compare the missing assignments to the days he has been off. I know there were a few days he missed here and there but I know his foster mother came in to grab his homework and assignments one of those days. I put a reminder in, to give his parents a call when I get back to school on Monday.
The rest of the night is busy with work, work, and more work. I order some cheap take out and answer a few calls and texts form my sisters. Amy had me on the phone with her the longest. She kept on complaining that dad was going to introduce us all in order and by nickname. I laughed and told her that this was not only important to him but a part of his campaign, although truthfully, I wouldn't put it past him. Dad is dad, no matter who he is in front of.I head to bed after the last call to mom. She kept telling me she was so excited to be in the city that never sleeps, but they had better not keep her up all night.
Right before I close my eyes, exhaustion taking over my body, a text comes through my phone. I almost don't answer it, I am so tired I just can't think of anything else but sleep, but something is telling me that not only is it late but it's the weekend, it could be Anna.
My assumptions are correct when I see her name on display and read the text she sent me.
ANNA: If tomorrow is too much, let me know. I will understand completely if you need to cancel.
ME: Don't try to get out of our date.
ANNA: not a date.
ME: It's a date.
ANNA: And to think I'm actually excited to spend tomorrow with you.
ME:Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking. You're going to have to put up with my cool dancing moves.
ANNA: Yeah, I forgot about those moves. I may ditch you.
ME: You would never.
ANNA: No, I wouldn't. Your stuck with me Alan. Always.
ME: Couldn't think of anything better.
I don't wait for a reply. If I ever got one I don't know, because as soon as I send the last message, I shut down my phone and sleep finds me. My night is spent with dreams of Anna, and nightmares of what I could have if I continue my lies.

"So, let me get this straight. You two are going to go to a club after going out to dinner?" I nod my head at Jared's questioning look.
"And she told you it wasn't a date, but it was her idea to get together in the first place?" I nod again.
"And that's what you're wearing?" I throw my empty chip bag at his head. It makes it half way.
"Fuck off, I'm fucking good looking. This is what men wear Jared. Not like this baby gap shirt you've put on." Jared laughs at my impersonation of him trying on a shirt.
I hear a phone ring from the office and when I look over at Jared his entre posture tenses up. I see his cell phone lying flat on the coffee table in front of him so unless Laynie forgot her phone when she left to work, Jared has another cell.
"Don't even go there. Laynie knows I have this phone asshole. It was issued to us from the FBI. They think if my dad is trailing me, it may help to throw him off. I don't see how it makes sense but if it helps them in anyway, it's worth it. Plus, it keeps Laynie sane. She's been a little worried about all this shit lately." I am just about to say something to him when I hear it ring again.
"You going to answer it?" I lift my eyebrow at his shrug.
"It's just the detective. He calls at least once a night, twice in a row, then texts me telling me he is just working on kinks. Again, don't understand what the fuck that means, but like I said, it helps them? Then whatever."
"Jared, you know you can talk to me, whenever right? Like if you are stressed the fuck out over this crazy batman and robin shit, I'm here man." I want him to see how genuine I am, so I don't remove my gaze from him until he meets mine.
"Yeah, I know Alan. I just wish I had at least one hand on the steering wheel you know? I hate not having control and then having to pretend I do in front of Lanes." I shake my head at him as he finishes his sentence.
"You haven't learned anything since you guys had your problems a couple years ago man. Laynie doesn't want you to be this wall of mass that protects and doesn't speak. She wants Jared, the man that would talk to her about anything anytime. She was pissed you didn't tell her about Nicholas being missing, not because she was afraid, but because you guys are partners. You're in this together Jared, except she is the only one that knows that. Share shit with her man, girl is tougher than any of us combined. Give her some credit."
I stand up and head to the fridge before he can say anything else. I wanted him to really hear what I say instead of his typical defensive bullshit. Jared hates being proven wrong, especially when it comes to stuff about Laynie, but I know her just as well as he does, and him shutting her out, is not how they will survive this hard time.
I reach the fridge for a water and stop when my fingers grasp a beer instead. Would one hurt? I have to admit, I feel like a fourteen-year-old boy on his first date with a girl, I'm a little nervous about tonight. Maybe one would get my mind off it. Tomorrow will be a little tough for me too, what if reporters want to dig up shit about my DUI and try and give bad rep to my dad's campaign. I tried to tell him I wasn't the one to do this with, but he said he wanted the whole family.
"Alan?" I hear from behind me. I know Jared is looking at me, but I can't take my eyes off the bottle. I just want to hang out for a few hours with my friend, watch the basketball game, and have a beer. Something so simple, now seems like a life or death decision.
I shake my head a little and grab the water bottle instead, then close the fridge with a little more force than anticipated. I walk past Jared's judging eyes and worried look and head back to the living room.
Why do I have to have this problem? I was completely done with my meetings.It's been over two years since that night and now that I'm in New York, I thought the daunting thoughts would stop, but they haven't. If anything, now that I'm closer with Anna, they are stronger.
"Maybe you should have been looking in the mirror when you gave me that whole 'here for you' speech. You should know if there is anything you need Alan…"
"I'm fine Jared." I say cutting him off.
As much as I appreciate what he is saying or hell, that he noticed my last-minute decision change in the kitchen, I just can't hear it right now. I feel like I am slowly fading out and as strong as I am, even that little bit of hesitation has me dropping to my knees and screaming for someone to help me from the fog.
Jared and I hang out a few more hours talking shit to each other about our teams going against each other. Jared has become a Knicks fan since moving out here, but I am still very much a Timberwolves fan. When four o'clock hits, I slap him hard on the back and head home to change and get ready for my non-date/date with Anna.

"We have got to stop meeting like this." Delila says walking out of her apartment while I am heading into mine.
"Yeah, it's like you know when I'm going to be home or something." I say to her with a smirk.
"Where are you off too?" She asks.
"I have a date." I can't hide the smile tugging at my lips.
"Let me guess. Long legs, blonde hair, green eyes, killer smile." I laugh at the fact that she guessed Anna perfectly.
"And an attitude to boot. Guess I'm pretty predictable huh?"
"Eh, most men are. If it's not the blonde hair, long legs, it's the short brunette with all the curves. I'm left out of the dust. "I laugh at that one.
Although Delilah is not my type I would be a bold-faced liar if I were to say she wasn't attractive. Dark long straight hair, killer blue eyes, if she were to just drop her guard and not have the 'fuck you' scowl constantly on, I think she would be asked out more. Men don't want women that make them feel annoying just for talking.
"You know you're a catch Lilah'. I think you just need to stop looking like you're bored with life and someone might stop and ask you out."
"And what makes you think I am bored with life?" Instead of being defensive with my words, she looks genuinely amused.
"One of my sisters, Amelia, went through a tough time a few years ago. She lost someone she cared for and went into this dark period. She would act like you, angry, bitter, mad at the world for having sunshine in it. One day, I sat her down and told her that being like that, will only attract people that think and feel the same way you do. If you really want to honor the person you miss, you need to look at the world the way they would have wanted you to. You may have a different reason behind your scowl, but I can tell you have been hurt before, I think you just need someone to show you that it's not that ugly out there."
With my final words I shut the door at her shocked expression.
I spend the next hour getting ready. It's official, I'm that damn nervous. Not only did I spend twenty minutes just wondering what shirt I should wear, but another twenty minutes going to the store to locate the cologne Anna used to love that I wore. I stopped wearing it when we broke up because it reminded me too much of her. But now, now I want that smell again, I want what we had before everything went to shit.
I knock on the door, sweat building up under my pits. I feel like a teenage boy waiting for my prom date. I clutch the flowers in my hand, apparently a little too hard because the damn thorn scrapes my skin. I grimace just as Anna opens the door and my jaw nearly hits the floor.
I've seen Anna sexy. Hell, I've had her naked beneath me. But the dress she has on now, has me wanting to shove her further into her house and consume her. It also makes me want to burn the damn thing so no one else can see her in it.
It's a small black dress that stops midway down her legs. It tiers all the way to her neck and goes in and I bet if she turns around the damn thing is most likely backless.
"Don't just stand there, dummy, come in." She turns around and walks towards her living room, but I have no idea what she is doing because I cannot stop starring at her ass. This is going to be a long torturous night.
"You look nice." She says with a smile as she walks back over to me with her purse.
"Uh, shirt." That wasn't a sentence Alan.
"Yes, I see that. Do I look nice?" She says with a giggle.
All I can do is nod my head. Nice is not the word I would give her and if I could form a complete sentence, I would tell her just that.
"I called Laynie and told her what time we were coming. She's going to save a table for us there. Were you ready to go or did you want to stare at my ass a little longer?"
"Honestly?" I see her nod with her sinister smile I love. "Fuck yeah I want to stare at your ass more. Are you insane? Do you know what that dress is doing to me right now?"
"I can tell it has made you forget your manners because those roses are just clinging to your hand when they should be in a jar of water in my kitchen."
I want to slap myself. I forgot all about her damn flowers. I know Anna is not a flowers type of person. She hates them actually, but I wanted to give her a bouquet of red roses for a specific reason. After Laynie and Jared had their issues, Jared had told me the reason why he always brought home pink roses for Laynie. Pink symbolized appreciation and that was what he wanted to portray. Appreciation. Red symbolized respect and that is something I will always have for Anna.
"Uh yea, but first I wanted to talk to you. Think we can sit a moment?" Anna nods her head and we walk over to her black leather couch.
"So, what's up?" Anna tries playing it cool, but I know her like the back of my hand. She won't look me in the eye, something Anna has no problem doing in front of anyone, ever; and she is starring at the roses lying on the couch next to me.
"These symbolize respect Anna. I wanted you to know how much I respect and care for you. Not only are you my friend but I want you to know that I see you as so much more. Anna…" I blow out a long deep breath and try again." Anna, I love you, and I want us to try again. I want us to be together and to cherish each other. I care for you and I want you happy and I think… no, I know I can be that for you."
Anna hasn't stopped looking at the roses. I almost want to shift them, just so she can look at something else. I want her attention on me and what I just laid out to her. I know she is afraid we will destroy our friendship. We almost already did, but I can't help but wonder if I didn't find out what I did back then, would we have still been together and happy?
"Alan…."
"You don't have to answer me now Anna. You don't ever have to if you don't want to. I know I threw a lot on you right now and it isn't very fair. I just wanted you to know where I stood. So, try and not ruin the night with your exaggerated love for me." I joke trying to cover the hurt of her rejection.
I knew Anna wouldn't jump in my arms and declare her love for me, but a part of me was hoping she would at least acknowledge that there is something between us. I wasn't lying to her when I told her she doesn't have to answer me. I don't want her uncomfortable, but I needed to get that off my chest and at least now she knows where I stand.
"Come on. Grab your expensive fucking bag and let's go eat at Maggie's." Anna gives me a small nod and we walk out of her apartment and straight to the staircase.
I start going down the steps but stop when I don't feel Anna behind me. I turn around and see her staring straight ahead at the elevators. She looks star struck as her eyes hold the metal doors. I begin walking back to her level and that's when it happens.
Anna begins hitting the elevator doors with her fists. I've never seen her lose her cool, but that is exactly what she is doing right now. Her fist flies repeatedly into the steel doors. Fist after fist smashing into the metal on and on echo throughout the corridor of the apartment building.
Her screams and curses radiate through my chest. I can actually feel her pain. I hear the occasional 'I hate you' coming out of her but other than that, it's all physical. I know I need to leave her be. She won't want me to witness her being weak, but I need to stop this, or she is going to hurt herself.
I finish the walk slowly over to her, stand behind her as she continues her onslaught of attacks and grab her arms before they can make the next hit. I thought she would thrash against me, see me as a threat to her released pension and try to get out of it, instead, she collapses into my arms. I've held Anna plenty of times, but I have never held her during something like this.
Her sobs break every fracture of my heart. She is shaking so hard that it's almost hard to hold her in the angle we are in. She is leaning forward halfway with her feet planted on the floor and her knees bent and I'm holding her with my ass on the floor and my body twisted towards her.
Anna is by far the strongest person I know and knowing she is broken, has me wanting to solve every problem of hers. For once, I have no idea what she needs.
After a few minutes, Anna stops hiccupping and looks up at me. The move is quick. So quick I don't dodge it, because if I were to see it coming, I wouldn't have allowed it. Anna kisses me, swiftly, softly against my lips. I move back when I see her going in again and she shakes her head out of the stupor she's in, stands up and adjusts her dress.
"Anna, I…."
"Don't. Please Alan. I know I owe you an explanation for what the hell that was, but I can't. I just can't. Let's just go and have a good time yeah? I just want one night with you that feels normal." She says it out loud, but I don't think that last part is directed at me. I simply nod my head and lead us down the steps to the parking garage and straight to my car.
After starting the car, I see Anna drop the vizor, check her makeup and turn back into the Anna I know. I head off to Maggie's, the whole time wondering who exactly I have in the car with me and how long they plan on being that person.