Chapter 47

Candice
Pinochle is a terrible card game. My grandmother taught me when I was fourteen and I've always hated it. I just always play with her because my grandfather used to and it's one more thing me and her can reminisce about him. As she laughs her ass off her recent win, I get off the recliner and head to the kitchen for a water bottle. As I guzzle down the refreshing drink I think back on Austin and I's conversation a few minutes ago.
Austin sounded distracted but it's to be expected. He did tell me that he had another meeting with that Snake guy today, so he is probably still absorbed with that. I hate that he can't be too specific about club business with me, but when I spoke to Abby about it, she explained to me that lots of old ladies feel that way, but it was for our own good. She also told me that after all this is done there won't be secrets between me and Austin because there won't be anything to keep from me. I didn't tell her that I relished in that.
I walk back into the living room and see my grandmother setting up another hand of pinochle. I sit down on the old recliner and start the hand with her. My mother walks into the room with a sour face but I disregard her. When I first got here she started spouting off again about Austin and the fact that she googled his club. She found a bunch of horrifying things about the past of the club and that she thought I was making a terrible mistake. For the first time in my life I was exhausted with trying to please her, so I ignored her. Grandma explained that the google searches were from three years ago and I became even more pissed. Mom is just looking for a fight.
I told my grandmother and mother everything, the fact that me and Austin were together, the fact that he changed the whole club around, everything. My mother wasn't necessarily elated, but I can tell she understood that there was nothing she could do to change my mind. This was about me, and if I am going to make mistakes, they were mine to make. They both wanted me to spend the night tonight so that we can have a girls night, but the way she keeps walking around me, I'm beginning to wonder if that was just my grandmother that wanted that.
"You two need to talk already child. I'm tired of being the ring girl in this position. Not even sporting my booty shorts." Grandma says standing up from her recliner and heading to mom. "Make this right with your daughter Jess. You're still not too old to be taken over my knee." With that, the woman wearing a moo moo that says kiss my large ass, walks out of the room.
Mom walks over and settles on the couch and grabs the remote to turn on the television. I fix the two recliners back in their original position and get ready to leave the room when I hear her speak.
"I'm sorry Candy." I stop in my tracks but don't turn around. I don't know where this apology is going yet. "It's funny, after the fire, I felt myself changing. I felt myself growing bitter and ugly, but I couldn't control it. I spent so much time trying to protect you from my fear and pain that I think I ended up resenting you in a way.
I turn to her in shock. All this time she was afraid to be herself in front of me? I walk over to her and sit next to her. Her hair is a mess, she has bags under her eyes that I don't think I've ever noticed before, and she has a very tired appeal to herself. I'm starting to see that my mother hasn't been herself in a long time.
"Oh, mom, it was the same for me. I've been trying to protect you from my own problems because I didn't want you to have solve them and not deal with your own."
"I know that Candice." I look over to her in surprise. She knew? The whole time?
"Yes, I knew." Shit, did I say that out loud? "Question was written all over your face." She answers with a sad smile.
"Honey, when you become a parent, you wonder if everything you do is enough. If everything you provide and everything you strive for will help them grow. Up until you were six years old you used to ask where your daddy was almost every night. It became our ritual. I'd ask you which book you wanted to read, you would ask me where your daddy was. One day, I got fed up with the same question night after night, so I told you that you didn't have one. Your heart was so broken, but instead of crying you walked right up to the bookshelf and grabbed the book yourself. I knew then that you would always keep your broken heart from me, and in a way, I think I kept mine from you."
I stare at my mother in awe. She has never spoken to me like this before. My mom is amazing, she has just had a hard time with life these last few months. Hearing that she had to have another surgery, or that her leg only has thirty percent feeling to it, or that she can never have her dream again has put a damper on her spirit.
"Mom, I'm sorry. I always felt that I was the reason you never got off your feet after the fire. If you hadn't given me the money for nursing school, if I hadn't contacted Nicholas, either way you would have been better off."
"Candice that started way before last year honey. You have never wanted to voice your opinion when it came to me. I just never knew why."
I wait for my mother to continue but when it's obvious she is waiting on me, I exhale loudly and tell her everything.
"Mom, I never wanted to be a bother to you. I saw how much you struggled. How hard you worked just so I could eat, so I never asked for more. I mean how ungrateful would I be if I asked for Christmas gifts or birthday presents when you didn't have enough to feed us. I know you would have tried to provide me with everything, but I just couldn't put you through that. Then when grandma came into that money and you started putting me in pageants and scouts, I didn't have the heart to tell you I hated it because I was so used to just pleasing you."
I'm crying by the time I finish talking. My sobs are loud and ugly. I focus on my mother putting her arms around me as I cry into her blouse. This has been a long time coming and I'm glad we are finally going over this hurdle. I think back to what could have changed this week and Austin comes to mind. I feel more confident with him in my life and I have to thank him when this is all said and done.
My grandmother walks back into the living room and clears her throat. Me and mom separate, and both look to her.
"Well, it's about damn time. Now Candy, why don't you call your little lover up and let him know I can see his men who think they are invisible. I think a good old fashion girls' night is exactly what we need. That way you can tell us all about him and why the hell we are in all this mess."
With that she walks back into the kitchen to I assume, start on dinner. Me and mom laugh at her and I grab my cell phone to text Austin and let him know that his talk with Miles didn't help. Before I click on Austin's number, mom pats my hand and I look up to her.
"I can tell he means something to you Candy Lou." Her eyes tell me she still does not trust Austin one hundred percent, but I think she respects me and trust me enough to know that I know what I'm doing. "I just want you to be safe. This man is involved in some messy business, but you and I know more than anything how looks can be deceiving."
She is talking about my father. We have never really talked about him once I told her that I went to him, and that was more of me apologizing and her telling me to leave it alone.
"I know it's only been a week mom, but he has already saved my life, shown me that I can be myself and cared for me like no other man has. To be honest, I'm a little afraid that he has too much power over me, that he can hurt me because he already has my heart, but I want to try with him. I really think Austin could be the one."
She gives me a small smile and puts her hand gently on my cheek. When I give her my eyes I see sincerity in them. Mom has always taught me to shield my heart from men because they can hurt me, and they will, she wasn't wrong, I've had my heart broken, but I know that if Austin chose to brake my heart, I wouldn't be able to come back from that.
"Sweetheart, you owe it to yourself to try then. I have to admit, when I first met him, I was pretty worried for you. He screams trouble when you meet him, but maybe that's a good thing. I've never had you stand up to me the way you did with him. I've never seen you so strong. As much as a first impression that Austin made, I was proud of you for showing your true self. Guess I owe him a thank you."
I give my mom a hug, something I haven't done in over a year. Her strength enveloping me as I cry a little on her shoulder. This woman has always been my rock and without her I don't know where I would be. I know we hit a hard spot this last year and adding my father in the mix certainly didn't help but I think through our fears and worries we persevered beyond it. Together.
"Alright lades, I got the hot wax melting on the stove top, who's going first?" My grandmother says from the kitchen.
I laugh through mom's hair and she does the same. We pull apart and she gives me a look she used to give me all the time when I came home with an award from school. Pride. When grandma comes in to the living room with the waxing strips, mom and I give each other strange looks. Grandma has always said strange things, so we both just assumed that hot wax meant dinner was ready.
I laugh my ass off while mom limps in and takes the strips from grandma, telling her that she will make dinner. Grandma walks over to the couch and sits next to me. I lean my head on the woman that has taught me that no matter what, never give up. Together, we watch Jeopardy while she talks shit about every one of the answers given by the guy losing, while mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
I think back to Austin, someone who seems to have taken up residence in my mind, and how he seemed a little off on the phone earlier. We have to get up early tomorrow morning and go to mom's psychical therapy appointment, so we call it a night around nine. Mom actually tucks me into bed that night. I crack up as she grabs my old book I used to love reading when we lived with grandma. I fall asleep while my mom is still reading, and I couldn't have had a better night.


"You're looking good Miss Holmes." Rodger the physical therapist says to mom the next morning.
Rodger has been my mother's physical therapist since the fire. At first she was adamant about not needed one and chose to not try it out which only caused problems with her already damaged leg. Nothing healed correctly, and she became in even more pain. When she finally conceded to going, Rodger was the that she directed her anger towards. He pushed her beyond her limits, but she knew she needed it. He was always patient and kind with her and it wasn't until recently, she started appreciating it.
"So what do you think Rodger. We will see you here same time next week?" Mom asks pulling me from my thoughts.
I'm sitting down in the uncomfortably small colorful chair. We've been here for about an hour and I've been constantly looking around. When I called Austin this morning I asked him if I could drive myself to mom's appointment today. He seemed extremely distracted but conceded. It felt amazing to drive again, but part of me longed to be on the back of his bike, holding onto the man I couldn't wait to call when I woke up this morning.
"Actually Jessica. This is the last time you have to be here. I'm writing you off." Mom stops in her tracks causing her to wobble a little. I'm out of my seat and running over to make sure she is alright. Mom waves me off and gives Rodger and stunned look.
"What do you mean?" Mom almost shrieks.
"I mean you are done. We've done all we can for your leg. There is nothing else to do. Now of course continue your exercises and don't quit on trying to work it out as much as you can, but other than that, you've done all you can. Jessica, you will most likely always have that limp, but you can't let that stop you. You can't let that define you."
Tears start at mother's eyes, but don't make their way down. I know she is trying to be as strong as she possibly can. I walk over to her and put my hand on her shoulder, mirroring how she supported me last night. Rodger is right, she looks at this injury like it will tell everyone that she lost her restaurant and it's just not the truth. Mom looks back at me and nods her head, apparently that's becoming a thing to everyone.
"You're right Rodger, it doesn't define me. I appreciate everything you've done for me." Mom and Rodger hug and after lot of paperwork, lots of 'make sure you do this and do that' we leave the psychical therapist office for the very last time.
"You mind if we stop at my work for a minute mom? I just need to run in, check my email and check on Lyla. See how she is doing."
Mom looks out the window while answering me. I know she needs time to figure out what she is going to do. I'm just glad she was able to show herself that it's time to move on. I know Austin would be worried about me going into work and doing these things, especially after he told me about people coming in to look for me, but I don't honestly believe that anyone will try anything. It's an E.R; tons of people go through those doors every day.
I park my car in the parking garage and me and mom walk into the hospital. Mom waits in the waiting room while I head through the doors into the nurse's station. Lyla instantly jumps up and runs over to me.
"Oh Candy, what are you doin here?" She asks gripping me in the tightest hug I've ever been in.
"I came to see you actually, and check up on some emails." I explain while letting go and walking toward my office. Her next few words stop me in my tracks.
"Surprised Austin even let you out with all the craziness they got going on right now. Shane was telling me about the traitor they got." I turn around and see her nonchalantly pulling up the schedule for today. The ER is twenty-four hours, but they are pretty dead right now.
"What do you mean traitor?"
"Shane came in here the day before yesterday yammering and howling about someone coming in here to look for you. I thought he lost his damn marbles. I told him over and over again that no one was looking for you, but he was adamant about watching over me and taking me home. Called me later on that evening mad as all hell over some asshole that lied to him. Told me I was fine to go back to work, as if that man could have stopped me anyway."
Lyla keeps rambling, but my mind is focused on the fact that Austin never mentioned anything about a traitor to me. I don't understand, when I called him last night he told me that he was fine. I'm so confused, but instead of figuring it out with Lyla I just nod my head in abundance and head to my office. I have so much to still figure out about this whole situation. First Jesse and her damn jeep, and now the warriors think they might have a traitor?
I get to my office and sit down at my desk. I feel like I'm going crazy with this drama. I chucked everything up when it came to Jesse, to me just being paranoid. I don't know for sure what the woman looked like that helped those men attacked me, and I barely saw her car. Jesse probably just struck a nerve with me that day and when I saw her car, a car that looked a little like the one from that night, I was ready to blame her for everything, and so I never told Austin about it.
Now however, I am starting to regret that. What if they found out that the traitor is Jesse? What if I was right for suspecting her? I shake my head at my attempt of investigative work, and check the few emails I have. After about ten minutes, I close down my computer and grab my purse, I decide I'm going to head back home and drop my mom off, then head over to the clubhouse. I want to speak with Austin about everything, and that includes finally telling him about my father.
There is a knock at my door the moment my hand connects with the cold knob. Assuming it is just Lyla, or Ben I twist the handle and swing it open with a smile. My heart stops beating, and my smile instantly falls when I see none other than my father standing at my door with his hands in his expensive suit jacket and a devilish smile plastered on his fake face.
I take a few steps backward and he comes into my office then closes the door. I try to come up with why this horrible man is standing in my office looking so smug. I want to punch his expensive face, but I know I should just call Austin. Now that I know the bastard is behind is behind everything going on, I hate him even more.
I cross my arms over my chest to look intimidating but I'm anything but. I don't honestly know what this man will do if I try to grab my phone. This is not the first time he has come to my office to ask me about joining up with him, so I'm hoping this is yet another attempt, after all, he has no idea I know he is behind all this mess. See? Drama.
"What the hell do you want?" I say with as much brashness as I can muster up in front of this disgusting human being. I hope mom didn't see him coming in. Anytime I've ever brought mom to the hospital she usually just curls up in a chair and reads her romance novels.
"Just a chat Candice. I was hoping I could have a few minutes of your time."
"Well I don't have a few minutes. I'm late meeting someone right now." I say quickly hoping he will just go away.
"You mean Austin Stone?" The blue in his eyes match up with mine and I cringe when I think back at the time when I was eight years old and grandma slipped and told me that I get my blue eyes from my father. I remember being so excited, I had a part of him with me. Now when I see them in the mirror I wish I had my mother' beautiful green eyes.
"What do you want from me?" I ask.
"Just to give you a warning. I don't like threats but you, teaming up with the trash that rides on motorcycles for a living, is a threat to me girl." His face contorts into anger.
"What are you talking about? You're the reason why I am with them in the first place. Your fucking goons beat me up because they thought I was with them. I Know you're a piece of shit Nicholas, but I didn't think you would try to kill your own daughter." I'll give him this, Nicholas definitely has one hell of an actors repertoire, because he looks genuinely shocked by my words.
"I gave no such orders to attack you. My guys were given strict orders to never harm you. They told me about you being with those scum of the Earth bikers trying to pull one over on me and I wanted them to pay, but when I was told you were with them I had them stop."
I stare at the man I wish I had never met and meet the eyes that remind me of the ones I stare at in the mirror. "Look, I don't know what you want from me, but I'm calling Austin right now."
I close my eyes and shake my head at his attempt to rectify a situation he himself caused. My thoughts are interrupted when another knock at the door halts both Nicholas and me. If I would have known that answering a small door would break my heart, I would have let it be, but I didn't, so I answer it, and there on the other side of the door is a very anger biker.
"What the fuck is this?" Austin nearly screams. I look behind him and notice he has drawn attention of Lyla and a few other nurse's, including Ben, whom just arrived.
"Austin I…." I put my head down in shame. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen.
Nicholas takes his cue and heads for the door. "I'll leave you two to figure this out. Candice, always a pleasure." He says walking out.
When the door shuts behind him, Austin gives me a look of devastation.
"Are you fucking kidding me? You want to tell me how the fuck you know him?" He shouts.
The face Austin is giving me is somewhere between grief and revulsion. I think he knows Nicholas means something to me but is unsure what. Unsure and afraid. Either way, I know I've lost the man in front of me.
"Austin, Nicholas is my father and he…" before I could finish the sentence Austin is turning around and walking out the door.
I run after him, all the way to the parking garage shouting his name and notice Shane and Max sitting on their bikes. I catch up to Austin and try to grab hold of his arm, but he pulls away from my grasp.
"Don't fucking touch me Candice. I can't even look at you right now. How can you not tell me that your related to the very man trying to fuckin' kill us? You've been setting my club up the whole goddamn time, and I just fucking let you in." That causes Shane and Max to stand but not move from their positions. I can still feel their glares towards me though.
"No, that's not it Austin, I hate him, he showed up and I…"
"Fucking save it.Don't want to hear anything that comes out of your pathetic mouth. I put my trust in you, I let you into my life, into my club and this whole time you've been fucking playing me.
"Austin, please let me explain." He is breaking my heart piece by piece with his accusing words. I just need a minute to explain so that he can understand everything.
"No, you stay the hell away from me and my club. You're nothing but a fucking liar. No wonder your own father wanted nothing to do with you. You were right about yourself Candice, you are a fucking disappointment." With those last cutting words Austin Stone walks out of my life forever.