Chapter 49

Candice
"Alright Mr. Welsh can you take a deep breath for me?" I ask the eighty-one-year-old man in front of me. He came in today for a broken rib and I just finished wrapping him up.
After a few painful deep breaths from my patient, I send a nurse in to give him his discharge papers and walk back over to my office. When I get to my desk there is a single rose sitting on it with a note with writing in black ink. A smile pulls at my lips as I recognize Ben's handwriting.
You look beautiful today
-Ben
I smile warmly at the gesture. Everyone except Lyla is tip toeing around me today. It's my first day back at work after my vacation and it feel like it's been eight months since I've last worked, not eight days. So much has transpired since the day I got a flat tire on the side of the road. Last night, after Austin left, my grandmother talked me into going after him. Telling me that sometimes as women, we have to not be the damsel in distress but be the knight in shining armor. Her lesson didn't really make sense, but I got the general point. I dressed up in a dress Lyla let me borrow. I called Abby and had her come over to do my hair and makeup and I went to go get my man. I even made his mother's recipe for those cookies. She sounded ecstatic when I called her and asked for it.
My heart was completely broken when I walked in and saw Jesse all over him. Max assured me that Jesse did it on purpose and I don't doubt it for one second, but I was so heartbroken from what I saw, that I couldn't even give Austin the time of day. He never called or came by to assure me that he wasn't into what Jesse was offering. If I wasn't worth him doing that, then I needed to move on. Even if it did feel like I was chopping off my own arm.
I sit down at my desk and check my next few patients that have been check in. I see Jared's name on the list of patients for Ben and I'm out of my chair immediately. Looks they checked in ten minutes ago. I run over to Ben and before I can say one thing he beats me to it.
"Know what you're doing Candy. You can go in but remember that you cannot say anything." I nod my head.
Ben and I walk in with Dr. Jones, the neurologist that Ben called for Jared a week ago. When I see Jared sitting on the bed and speaking with Dr. Jones, my heart shatters. I will never get the chance to know him. I want so badly to walk over and shout that I am his sister, that I've always wanted a sibling and having a big brother is a dream come true. But I can't. It will just complicate things and knowing Nicholas, he will make good on his threat.
"You're starring awfully hard Holmes." Ben whispers to me. I want to punch him in his perfect teeth. I want to scream that it's not fair and that man is my big brother. I want cry because I'm sick of being the bigger person in every situation I am in.
"I can't do this Ben." I whisper to him shaking my head. Tears form at my eyes as I walk out of the room and straight to my office. Thankfully Lyla is on the phone or she would have stopped me. I just want to be alone for a few minutes.
I pace my office back and forth thinking about everything. I'm trying desperately to stay in control. I hate the feeling of seeming weak. I walk over to my desk, sit in front of it and put my head in my hands. I've always managed to stay in control of my emotions but these last couple weeks have taken their toll. Tears form in my eyes and make their way down my cheeks.
A knock at the door startles me and when I look up at the door I see Laynie. Shit. What is she doing here? I immediately start wiping away my tears. I'm sure this looks unusual since I was literally just in her husband's room. It takes me by surprise when she sits right in front of me and starts rubbing my shoulder in comfort. I stare at her gesture of compassion and decide to give her something I've never given someone before.
"He is an asshole." I begin. "I h-hate h-him so much. I'm usually not the kind of person to h-hate, but that man can bring out the demon within an angel." My grandmother was right to warn me against him.
Laynie tells me a little about her own drama within the Coles themselves and I listen carefully to the girl connected to the man I used to wish to be close to. I certainly don't envy her relationship to Nicholas. She tells me the story of when she first met my father. It rings the same bells as the time I first met him. Disappointment covers her features and I almost relish in the fact that it isn't just me. Austin was right. I need to start seeing myself as someone worth fighting for, and just because Nicholas didn't, that doesn't define if I am or not. Only I can define that.
Laynie and I get ready to part ways and I never got a chance to ask her why she came in here, but I know this is a sign. She was meant to come in here and see me break down. I decide to give her something that I've been holding onto for a while now.
"He never cheated on you Laynie." Her face nearly falls, and I quickly explain why I know that she had doubts in their relationship.
Months ago I started following Jared around. It started with just knowing where he worked, if he was married, had any kids, things like that, but as the months went by, I learned everything about him. I don't know why I felt so invested in someone I was never going to be able to meet, but I did. I felt a connection to him even though he didn't know who I was. I wanted to hate him, he reminded me of Nicholas so much, but I knew it was just petty jealousy.
One night I followed Jared to a bar. He was drinking pretty heavily and could barely stand by the end of the night. Some crazy woman kept going up to him and trying to kiss his neck, but he just kept pushing her away. He just kept saying he only wanted his wife. I noticed there was no ring on his finger, but he did have a tan line from a ring. When I stepped up and shooed the banshee away, I helped Jared get into a cab and sent him on his way.
Laynie's tears are flowing down her cheeks by the time I finish telling her the story. I had a feeling that she would think the worst when he came home that night. That chick's lipstick was all over, and he must have smelt like perfume between the two of us being on him. I hate that I was never able to spare her from that heartache, but I couldn't necessarily walk up to her, extend my hand and introduce myself as his sister. No matter how much I wanted to.
I can tell Laynie has lots of questions for me, but I tell her that I can't speak about it. I give her the old patient story because the truth is not something she should have to hear. I give her credit, because as much as she wants to demand answers from me, answers she has the right to know, she gives me my peace and leaves. I feel bitter sweet when the door shuts behind her. I told someone what I think of Nicholas Cole. I told someone one of my darkest memories of following my brother and I wasn't judged.