Big Word

People occasionally have a tendency to feel bad for having done something wrong and being caught. But for me, my conscience couldn’t take it anymore. I think no apology could fix the mistakes that I made in this life.


"I'll teach you how to swim."

It was already afternoon when the two of us decided to go out. We really needed that rest because of our early flight.

There’s already a yacht waiting at the sand bar near our villa. I was so amazed because I didn’t expect it. I think it was from the judge and his wife.

"You can swim?" I returned Beau's statement.

He led me to the yacht's stairs while grinning. "Of course," he said.

The whole trip is mesmerizing. I became obsessed with the coral that was so visible due to the clarity of the water. The captain said that we would go to another island because the corals there were better, but I didn’t get it because even here the corals were already breath-taking.

As soon as we got to the island, I started taking lots of photos. My eyes did not flinch at the beautiful scenery. I turned my camera in the direction of Beau, who had just finished talking to the captain.

I saw him take off his muscle shirt, I took pictures of him one after another. He also noticed that, based on the narrowing of his eyes as he looked at me.

I giggled. This man really has everything to offer.

"Stop. Let’s just swim. "


He came to me and buried his face in my neck. I turned the camera on the two of us so I could take a picture. I could see he didn’t even smile as I had my big smile on camera.

I perfectly captured his intense gaze as it was directed at the camera. He's especially handsome! He looked like a Greek god, owning me in his arms.

“We have an hour to stay here, and we need to return before the sun sets, so please go.”



I listened to him. I took off my beach pants and we started paddling in the sea. He taught me to swim, but I drowned a few times before I learned the basics. I felt tired afterwards. He himself gave up and said that we still had two days for me to learn.

We immediately returned to the yacht to return to the resort. While I was drying my hair, I stayed on the roof deck. The breeze of the air is getting cold already because the sun is setting already. The mixed hue of orange and yellow can be seen from afar.

Eventually, I felt an arm wrap around my waist. He wrapped his robe around me and hugged me. I experienced unfathomable peace. In his arms, I felt like I was home. I feel safe, and I feel at peace.

"Look at how the sun is setting," I told him.

"I hate sunsets," he uttered.

His chin rested on my shoulder.

I scowled. "Why? It’s beautiful. "


"Because I hate seeing the moon. How I wish I wouldn’t see the sun set."

My forehead furrowed. "But I love the moon as well."


He snored on my skin, "Really?

I nodded. "I love sunsets because it’s a reminder that not every ending is ugly and sad. It could be beautiful as well. And it could be a new start too, a start to look forward to something new. Like the stars and the moon. "


He didn’t answer, so I turned my head to look back at him. I saw how his eyes were filled with awe and amusement.

"Oh how you turn my misery into gold."

I chuckled lightly. I was shaken by his flowery words. I silently looked at the red round sun sinking into the distance.



Later on, I felt his sticky kisses on my neck. At first, my system was still calm because of the wind blowing and his kisses. But little by little, as his lips crawled towards my jaw and ears, it tickled my whole being and I failed to hold my silence.



"Beau," I half moaned and called his name.
I arched my head to offer him more access. His lips went to my cheeks. I welcomed his kiss, and the two of them exchanged a hot kiss. I felt uncomfortable for a few minutes while I was there. I faced him and wrapped my arm around his neck. Every part of it is rewarding. That's how I'll explain our kiss.

I decided to stop because I was out of breath. He put his forehead on mine as if to wait for me or give me some breathing room.

My heart was beating fast as I stared at his lips that were red because of my kiss. I brushed my lips against him again. That kiss took a while before I stared at him again.

I looked at his face as if this would be the last time I’d see him. My system does this automatically. To stare at him and memorize every curve of his face, and every flick of his eyelashes.

He said in a soft, dignified voice, "No, Jade, you don't do that.”

"Do what?" I whispered.
 
"Don't you dare look at me like that."
 
"Like what?" I asked again, with a hint of humor.
 
"Like you're afraid of losing me."
 
I choked on my own words. I am, Beau. I’m afraid of losing you.

"Don't look at me as if you're finally reciprocating what I feel for you."


I didn’t want him to see my tears forming, so I closed my eyes and pressed my lips to his again. I could feel his frustration and restraint in the way he kissed me. I wasn't mistaken. He held my arms and pushed me gently to end the kiss.

"Tell me, Jade. Tell me that what we have now is not just sex for you. Because for me, this isn’t about that anymore. "

My heart broke into pieces.

"Tell me you feel the same way, and I'll do the rest for you."



The tightening pressure in my throat made me gulp. I can't look directly at him. He looked into my eyes.

“Tell me, baby; I already have feelings for you. Just say the word, and I'll stand up for you.”



There’s a hint of desperation in his voice this time. I bent down to make everything easier.

"I-I don’t feel the same way, Beau. I’m sorry. "

His grip on me loosened, and my heart was crushed into pieces. I thought he would leave or tell me things that would hurt me more, but he didn't. He did the last thing I expected him to do. He embraced me tightly and kissed the crown of my head repeatedly.


“Just let me love you; it's okay as long as you're here with me.”


I quickly wiped away my tears after they started to flow. Why does this get harder and harder each day?

Love? That's a big word. That’s such a huge deal, especially that word coming from him. I might be hopeless when it comes to love, but I still believe in it. But for him, I never thought he lived in the perception of love.