Mabel Shot Part 5

"I want to try getting involved with a man again..." I suck on the inside of my cheek, realizing I'm only making things more confusing instead of clearer, as he raises an eyebrow at me.
"And you think a master in sadomasochism can help you, exactly how?" he says slowly, studying me with interest.
I take a deep breath and scratch my neck, tapping my foot on the floor a little faster.
"I want to understand if it's possible to be with a man and meet my needs at the same time, without being afraid of losing control." My embarrassed voice whispers before I finally gather the courage to get to the point. "To know if I can have penetrative sex..." I lift my eyes to his and breathe hurriedly. "I want you to have sex with me, sir."
The silence that follows is twice as long as the first, when he threatened me. The difference is that this one is extremely awkward. The Russian is serious, looking at me in a strange way, showing no reaction while tapping the tip of his index finger on the arm of the couch.
"Let me see if I understand what you really want." He suddenly stands up and puts his hands in his pockets, making me feel even smaller in front of his height. "You want me to fuck you so you can see if you can go all the way with another man?"
"Yes, I guess, in fewer words, that's it," I murmur, embarrassed, fiddling with my fingers on my knees.
I fidget on the couch, preferring to stay silent because I have no idea what’s going through this Russian’s mind. Maybe I insulted him. I don't really understand how this works, I might have gone too far, probably offended his ego.
"How many men have you slept with since what happened with you and that guy, little bird?" he asks me bluntly, without much preamble, making me scrunch my nose.
"None, sir," I respond, keeping my eyes down.
"And before?"
I close my eyes, shrinking even more, biting my lip, with no courage to answer him.
"Mabel, look at me," he orders urgently, making me want to kick myself for not being able to disobey him.
"None, sir," I whisper timidly, looking at him.
Czar takes a step back and sits down again in his chair, maintaining his rigid posture, looking at me.
"I consider myself an impartial man, Miss Shot, I’ve never been caught off guard, but I have to admit that this is the first time someone has surprised me twice in such a short time." He shifts his gaze from mine to the painting above the desk, becoming pensive. "How old were you when you met him?"
"I was sixteen." I recall that day when my adoptive mother took me to the golf club with her. "I didn’t go out much, I didn’t have any friends, but then one day, everything changed when we were introduced at the golf club my parents went to. Sometimes, I think that meeting was destined to happen." I ramble, remembering that day, how Alekessandra was so excited, encouraging me to talk to Nate, leaving me alone at the table with him.
"You were a child when he did that to you!" I flinch when his deep voice echoes loudly in the room, his eyes locking onto mine, the brown so dark it almost looks black.
"No, no, sir," I quickly respond, shaking my head. "It was on my twentieth birthday." I take a deep breath and smooth my hand over my leg, feeling anxious.
"It took him three days to break you." His voice comes out bitter, filled with aggression.
I lower my gaze to my fingers, unable to bear the sight of his dark, brooding look fixed on me. I must seem like such a pathetic mess, telling him all these things. After all, I trusted Nate, he was the only man who touched me, my teenage love. I never imagined the man I had known for years would do that to me. I close my eyes and shake my head slightly.
"I shouldn't have come!" I stand up quickly, rubbing my chest. "I shouldn't have asked you for something like that, sir."
My voice dies in my throat when I jolt, my heart nearly stopping. I’ve never seen anyone move as fast as Czar just did. He rises abruptly, intimidating me, and I fall back onto the couch, my body frozen and my eyes wide open as his face hovers just inches from mine, his arms caging me in, one on either side, hands pressed into the couch. I feel the way his eyes burn into me as if they can see my sins.
"For the next twenty days, you’ll do everything I tell you. All your time after work and your free hours now belong solely to me. You’ll have no control over the decisions I make, and you’ll obey me without question. If you disobey, I will punish you in whatever way I deem appropriate."
I press myself further into the couch, remaining completely still, consumed by his dominant gaze, feeling the chills on my skin, shivering from the warm breath that escapes his lips and brushes against my face.
"I’m the master of your control, and you’re going to learn to trust me. I will know what your small body can endure, both in terms of pain and pleasure." He lowers his gaze to my mouth and breathes heavily. "And you can bet your sweet ass that I will make sure you savor every pleasure."
"If I agree to these terms, will you help me, sir?" I ask, lacking confidence, still overwhelmed by everything I’ve just heard.
"No, I won’t help you," he responds quickly, relaxing his expression, straightening his body, and stepping back. "If you accept my terms, we will play, little bird."
"Play?" I blink, confused, not understanding what playing would mean.
"Yes, play. We’ll play Sodom."
"And at the end of these twenty days, will I be able to..." I bite my lips and look away from his eyes, too embarrassed to say the words.
"At the end of the game, you will be able to have a relationship with another man if that’s what you want. You’ll also understand how to control your masochistic soul," Czar answers calmly. I meet his eyes and get lost in the thought of whether I’ll be able to give myself completely, surrendering to him and placing myself at his mercy. "The only way to stop the game is by saying the safe word: Gomorrah!"
"Gomorrah," I repeat softly, trying to comprehend everything I’ve just heard. "If I say it, the game ends?"
"Everything ends. From the moment that word is spoken, our bond is severed, my power over you, our connection, will be gone! Nothing will remain!" He takes a deep breath and exhales slowly, relaxing the muscles in his shoulders. His hand moves to his pants pocket, his gaze still locked on me. "You’ll enter the game by your own choice, just as you have the freedom to end it the second you feel you’ve reached your limits. But if you agree, it will be on my terms. I decide everything. I control everything. You’ll be mine to do with as I please. Having me as your dominator means accepting that you’ll be my submissive."
But I have no limits, that’s precisely why I monitor myself so much. Losing control used to be my downfall. I understand that if I choose to enter this game, it’s for him to break me even more. That’s why the choice is mine. I can’t go back to what I was before. The chance he offers me is to be utterly destroyed, so that only then will I discover what’s left of me. I would have to trust him to accept blindly entering this game.