Mabel Shot Part 3
When I finally fall silent, I see Macro's face, which had been flushed before, now completely white like a sheet of paper, with only the golden freckles sprinkled across his skin showing a hint of color on his cheeks. He leans back in his chair and takes a deep breath, raising his hand and calling the waitress, keeping his eyes on me.
"Are you going to order anything to eat now?" the smiling girl asks, stopping by our side, looking at us.
"I need a stronger drink; do you have anything?" Macro asks, serious, still staring at me.
"I think we have cognac..."
"Perfect, bring it!" he dismisses her without much ceremony, giving a slight wave of his hand. He turns his face to the window.
"Macro, I thought that’s what you wanted..." I stop speaking when his finger rises, indicating that he is contemplating everything he just heard. I shrink in my chair and sip my coffee. Soon, the waitress returns with a glass of the drink Macro ordered and sets it on the table. I smile at her, thanking her, watching her walk away. Macro pours some of the alcohol into his coffee and stirs it, bringing it to his lips, looking at me in disbelief again after taking a sip.
"Let me see if my brain comprehended everything you just practically vomited on me..." He spreads his hand across the table and smooths it as if arranging a tablecloth. "You, you little rascal... Oh my God, Mabel, I want to kill you!" He laughs, nervously, and points his finger at me again, shaking it in the air. "You went to Sodom on your own, found the masked advisor, and he went to your service..."
"That’s right." I nod, watching the tremor in his mouth as he tries to maintain the nervous smile on his face.
"Went to his house yesterday?" He takes a deep breath and blinks rapidly. "A Sodom advisor..."
"Yes." My voice sounds calm, when, in fact, I want to laugh at the funny face Macro makes when he is angry.
"And you agreed to play with him... Did you hear the words I said? Play. And we’re not talking about chess but playing Sodom!" He clenches the corner of his mouth and squints his eyes shut.
"Exactly, your brilliant brain understood everything, Bootsy."
"Christ, Mabel, are you insane or what?!" Macro opens his eyes and glares at me. "You agreed to play Sodom with a master, damn it!"
"Don’t start. This whole thing, to begin with, was your idea," I say, annoyed, lifting my coffee cup to my lips, pointing at him.
"Who shouldn't have started this was you!" he barks, trying to control his tone.
"What's the problem? In the end, wasn't that exactly what you wanted me to do, to find someone to help me?" I look at him, confused. "I don't understand your reaction."
"Playing Sodom isn’t helping, Mabel!" Macro exhales forcefully, his eyes no longer angry but worried again. "I wanted you to try to understand what your body likes, to find a way to reconcile all the shit from the past with a way to live well with your present..."
"You can’t reconcile something abominable, Macro," I say softly, shaking my head. "You either learn to live with it, or you survive suffocated, like I was living for the past few years."
"God, you have no idea what you agreed to, Mabel!"
"Macro, it's a game, worse than Na..." I stop and bite my lip, lowering my eyes to the table. "Worse than the evil he did to me, this game can't harm me."
"Yes, that game can. That’s the point of the game, not to tame your demons, but to feed them, making them stronger until you become completely dependent on your opponent." He rubs his face and breathes hurriedly.
I look at Macro's face, studying him more calmly. The reaction he had, the way he is now, speaking with such authority in his words...
"You played with him..." I murmur, thoughtful, now understanding why he got nervous. "You played Sodom with that man who is leaving!"
"Yes, I did." He fixes his gaze on me and shakes his head side to side. "And when the game ended, I was so addicted, so conditioned to that man, that I couldn’t stay away from him..."
"At least once, tell me that man's name, Macro!" I say, irritated, not understanding why he didn’t tell me this before.
"I can’t, I can’t say. I’m only allowed to say his name when I'm with him..."
I fall silent, unable to comprehend. Macro doesn’t say the name of this man he has been involved with, not because he wants to keep his secret even more, but out of obedience?!
"Seriously?!" I whisper and shake my head, scratching the back of my neck. "Are you really serious? You’ve never said his name just to obey, when the man isn’t even here and wouldn’t have any way of knowing..."
"But I would know." Macro puffs out his chest and inhales deeply. "I would know that I disobeyed my master."
"Are you afraid of this man?" Instinctively, I reach out and hold his hand, looking anxiously at my friend.
"It’s not fear; it’s respect... loyalty." Macro smiles and gives me a gentle look. "I obey not out of fear, but out of love..."
"Christ, you’re in love with your vicar!" Macro doesn’t need to answer me; the unquestionable adoration he has for that man is written all over his face. "What did this man do to you during that game?"
"Everything, everything I desired and even what I didn’t know I desired. I couldn’t stay away; I couldn’t bear to be apart from him when the game ended because my life became completely empty..." He turns his hand and holds my fingers tightly in his. "When I took you to Sodom, it wasn’t with that intention; I wanted you to know that there’s nothing abominable in you, that we could find someone to explain and help you, not someone to push you further..."
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