201 - What Is Wrong With A Little Bit Of Happiness?
The missing vampires must not have been found yet. It was something that seemed to be bothering Valerick so much. He had to leave for an emergency meeting today.
Zezi wished she could join him but she knew that for many reasons it was better for her to stay away from meetings like for now. Maybe after birthing her children, which was soon, Valerick would let her join the meetings.
They would never accept her, if she never puts herself in situations whereby they would be able to see that she was capable of being a good Queen for Lavida. But for now, it was in the best interest of everyone that things should stay this way.
Gwen had been keeping her company a lot however. Also, moving around had turned into a difficult task for Zezi. The speed at which her pregnancy was growing weighed her down. Gwen had to encourage her to pace around the room as an exercise.
A knock.
“Please come in.” It was Gwen, it had to be.
The knock again.
“Come in,” she said with a couple of pants. It was so difficult to breathe, it felt like something was resting on her lungs. She missed sleeping on her chest. Although Valerick had made some modifications to their bed to help with that, it just wasn't the same.
But anything was worth it for her pups. By the Moon, she couldn't wait to meet them.
The door pushed open and the person stepped in.
“Gwen, no soups. Just get me some ashes in a bowl.”
“Are you certain that is healthy?”
She turned with quiet surprise. “Aunt Alice.”
Aunt Alice moved quickly to her before she even got off the bed. The embrace was barely one with her pregnancy bump creating a distance between them. “My daughter. My child. How have you been?
Zezi gulped, nodding as her Aunt Alice pulled away. “I was planning to visit but— it is so early, is everything alright?”
“It is.” She sat by Zezi's side on the bed. “I spoke to George.”
“How is he?”
“He is alright.”
“How is his relationship with Delice?*
“Alright.”
She frowned. “You are lying, Ma. I can hear your heart beating—”
Aunt Alice chuckled. “I sometimes forget you are a trained warrior.” Then she paused and looked at her daughter. “I came to see you.” She brushed her hand over her hair, working her fingers through the small knots. “I said I accepted the fact that your life is by his side now but I haven't really been comfortable with it, deep down and I have subconsciously pulled away from you.”
This.
This was what Zezi had been trying to hide away from.
She could feel that her mother wasn't accepting of them despite her words and for this reason she had suppressed the urge to see her mother or send for her.
She was afraid of what her Pack truly thought of her and as much as she liked to think that she didn't care, she cared, most especially about what her family thought of her.
She did.
“We don't have to do this.” She sounded braver than she felt, she mostly did.
Aunt Alice shook her head. “I didn't realize until I spoke with George and I remembered that I have once been here, experienced this.” They both looked down at her baby bump. “And one of the things I wanted most was to have my mother by my side. I haven't been by your side as much as I should have, Zezi.”
Zezi smiled. She had indeed missed her mother and wished she was by her side, half as much as Gwen had been. After all, she had promised to be and it had seemed like everything had been resolved. “It is alright. So many things were happening. You can't blame yourself.”
“But I can. I said words without backing them up with actions. I am so sorry. Will you forgive me?”
Zezi nodded, trying hard to blink away the tears in her eyes.
She was just so emotional these days. Almost everything made her cry but this one felt different.
“I love you,” she wiped her daughter’s tears away, as she pulled her into her embrace, to rest her head against her chest. “You are not alone.”
“I love you too, Ma. I do not feel alone. I know you will always be with me.”
They stayed a while in comfortable silence, while Aunt Alice continued to work her fingers through Zezi's hair.
“I heard about the new orders. I heard that the shackles of slavery have been broken from our wrists. I know you played a part in this. You have done well. You have done a lot for us, you have helped to bring us to where we are. You have not betrayed your kind by taking on this new life. No. You have fought, and accepted where necessary, we couldn't have asked for a better person to stand for us.”
Tears streamed down Zezi's cheeks uncontrollably.
This was a reassurance she didn't even know that she desperately needed.
This time she wept. Valerick would have raced into the room if she hadn't told him that she was alright through their mind link.
“Thank you, mum. Thank you so much. Thank you.”
“Don’t cry or your hair will have knots in them.”
They both laughed.
“I am too old to believe in that now.”
“Soon?” Her mother asked in reference to her pregnancy.
“Nicholas said soon.”
“The doctor?”
“Yes, the doctor.”
“Are you afraid?”
“I was afraid before…I…” Her voice trembled at first, before the trembling vanished. “Valerick makes it less heavy.”
“Are you scared?”
Zezi struggled to take in a good breath before she nodded. “Yes. I am afraid. The growth is rapid, I feel tired all the time and I am scared. Gwen helps but then my fear returns. How painful will this be? What if it kills me? What if I do something wrong and they don't make it? What if I am a bad mother?”
For each of her fears, her mother had something to say to comfort and reassure her. She communicated that they were still trying to find names for the bats.
Her mother hoped that they would find perfect ones and she hoped that the Moon Goddess would guide them.
Then she started teaching her lullabies that might help put her pups to sleep after birthing them. Zezi wasn't a great singer but the pups would have to deal with it. Besides, what could be more wonderful than a mother's voice?
While they did this, Gwen rushed in. She was about to apologize for coming late when she saw them. She stepped out just as quietly as she came in, leaving the trolley of food at one side of the room.
Then she shut the door with a smile.
The castle was coming back to life with happiness.
Oh how wonderful this was.