61. OBSIDIAN: NOTHING

“Get the fuck out!” Ezra sneered.
I ignored him and made my way over to the bed but he stepped in front of me and flashed his teeth. I growled at him, but he didn’t even flinch. My eyes narrowed and my fists clenched at my sides.
“You’re not allowed in here,” he hissed.
“I’m here to talk to Vanya,” I told him.
He growled. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
My eyes shot over his shoulder to Vanya. Her head was bent and her hands clutching at the sheet. I sucked in a deep breath and closed my eyes. The sweet smell of her fear filled the room.
She’s scared of me.
“Vanya?”
Her body jerked as if I’d struck her. Slowly she raised her head, but she couldn’t look me in the eyes. Her eyes briefly glanced in my direction then instantly lowered again. What little color she had in her cheeks when I arrived, was now gone, leaving her pale.
“Get out,” Ezra growled. “She doesn’t want to talk to you.”
My eyes snap back to his. “I’m talking to her and not you.”
“She doesn’t want to fucking talk to you! What made you think that she would after you fucking attacked her? She would’ve fucking died if Devrim hadn’t slipped her some of his blood on the way to the hospital. She almost fucking died because you attacked her!”
I stumbled backward when he pushed me. It didn’t stop there—he pushed me again and again until my back hit the wall.
“Ezra,” I warned.
He ignored it like I knew he would.
“You’re a selfish, paranoid, ruthless bastard who cares about nobody but yourself.”
My hand left hand twitched. With my right hand, I fingered one of the hidden knives in my pants. My eyes tracked his every movement as he continued to throw insults at me.
“If it hadn’t been for Devrim, she would be dead!” He moved closer until only a few inches separated us. “Do you know what you remind me of?” he whispered. “You remind me of the doctor who experimented on us. You are exactly like him. A fucking psychopath.”
I pulled the knife from my pants, grabbed the back of his neck, and pressed that sharp blade against his neck—all within a few seconds. I was aware of Vanya crying out but my sole focus was on Ezra. I moved, making him step backward until his back hit the wall.
My lips slowly curled up into a cruel smile as I pressed the knife tighter against his skin until it drew blood.
“So brave,” I muttered. “But you’re pathetic Ezra.”
He growled but didn’t move otherwise.
“You act like them because it makes you feel better about yourself. You pretend to be like them because you haven’t accepted who you are.” I stepped closer until my body was pressed against his. “Before you judge me, maybe you should take a look at yourself. You know nothing about me Ezra and you never will, but I’ll tell you this. . .”
Ezra was shaking, I noticed. His chest rose and fell erratically as he struggled to suck air into his lungs. I shifted slightly, moving my body against his. Ezra’s eyes closed briefly and then flew open again and darted away.
“I did what I had to to get us out of there. It’s a lot more than you would’ve done.”
Pulling the knife away, I licked his blood from the blade and gave him a wink before I walked out of the room and slammed the door closed behind me. Halfway down the hall, I had to stop and lean against the wall. I dropped my head back against the wall and sucked in a shaky breath.
She couldn’t look me in the eyes. She was scared of me. Had her opinion of me worsened because I had attacked her?
My stomach churned and bile rose in my throat. Pressing a hand to my mouth I stumbled into the nearest bathroom and emptied the contents of my stomach. The marble cracked as I gripped it tightly. I winched as the stench of vomit filled my nostrils.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I straightened and blindly flushed the toilet before I turned to the basin to splash my face with water. Cupping water in my hand, I rinsed my mouth and then slowly raised my head to stare at my reflection.
But all I saw was Vanya.
Vanya’s limb and bleeding body. The bleeding I had caused when I attacked her. Maybe I should’ve thought of something else.
More bile rose, making me stumble back over to the toilet. I dropped to my knees and clutched the marble as I started puking again.

***

“Get out!” I growled as I heard the door open behind me.
There were a few minutes of silence before the door closed again. I thought that whoever had entered already left, so I wasn’t prepared for a hand to grip my arm. Instinct took over and I struck.
“Obsidian.”
I blinked, horror washing through me when I realized whose neck I was squeezing. I scrambled off him and across the bathroom to press my back against the wall in the corner of the room far from the door.
Devrim coughed and slowly sat up rubbing at his neck. When his coughing fit finally died down, he turned his head and looked at me.
I turned my head, exposing my neck to him in submission.
“Now I know for certain that you’re not yourself,” he muttered. “You never—”
“Go home, Dev.”
From the corner of my eyes, I watched him as he stood, hesitated, and then walked over to me. He crouched in front of me and surprised me by reaching out and gripping my chin to turn my head to face him.
“Never submit to me,” he whispered. “What’s wrong? What happened to my dominant and mean Obsidian?”
I swallowed and dropped my eyes.
Devrim’s fingers slid along my jaw before dropping away.
“Obsidian—”
“Leave me alone,” I growled.
I pushed him back and stumbled to my feet, but my legs gave way beneath me. If it wasn’t for Devrim’s fast reflexes I would’ve hit the ground. He wrapped an arm around my waist, reached out with the other and closed the toilet lid then pushed me down on it.
For a moment my vision was blurry but it cleared after blinking a few times. Devrim was cupping my cheeks and frowning at me.
“You’re burning up,” he muttered, sliding a hand to my forehead. “Fuck, Obsidian. When did your fever start?”
I shrugged. Leaning forward I dropped my forehead to his shoulder and breathed him in. A whimper fell from my lips when I smelt Vanya’s scent on him too. How long had he been with her? What had they talked about?
“We need to get you to the doctor. “
“N-no.” I sniffed at his neck. “She’s scared of me.”
“Who?”
“Vanya.” My voice cracked. “She doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Oh baby,” he crooned, pressing a hand to the back of my head. “Just give her some time to get over what happened.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
His arms slid around me and his lips brush my temple. “Let’s get you home and into bed.”
I shook my head, but he didn’t listen. I had no home any longer. Vanya was going to stay with them and she didn’t want me around anymore. She was scared of me so she wouldn’t be coming anywhere near me in the future.
“Obsidian.”
“I don’t belong,” I whispered.
Devrim hooked his hands under my armpits and pulled me to my feet. I stumbled when the room started to spin, but he steadied me. A groan fell from my lips when iI felt the bile rising in my throat again. My stomach had long since been emptied, but it didn’t stop.
I pushed him away and fumbled with the lid of the toilet, but it was too late. I ended up puking all over the floor, my shoes, and the hem of my pants. Devrim said something but his voice was drowned out by the ringing in my ears.
He moved closer as my vision darkened until I was swallowed by the darkness.