64. VANYA: A TALK

I had fallen asleep again after Devrim left and woke up. . .probably hours later with Obsidian wrapped around me in a very un-Obsidian way.
His arms were wrapped around my waist and his head resting on my shoulder and face pressed to the crook of my neck. His warm breath tickled my skin and made goosebumps break out all over my skin.
The only time he’s ever been so close to me was when we were having sex, but even then he was never so close—then I couldn’t touch him. But I could do it now. He was sleeping, wasn’t he?
I cautiously raised my arms but hesitated. What if he freaked out when I touched him? It was a risk I was willing to take. I slowly slid my hands up his back and arm—barely touching his skin—until I reached his neck. My fingertips brushed the strands of hair near his nape before slipping into his hair.
It took me a few seconds to realize that his hair was shorter. Who had cut his hair?
His chest rumbled against mine a second before he started purring. I smiled and slowly started to relax again. There was just something about them purring that I loved. It made me feel. . .relaxed.
“She never held me like this,” Obsidian suddenly said. “She never wanted to touch me unless we were fucking.”
I blinked up at the ceiling. Was he talking about the woman with the ugly green eyes and short blond hair? The woman whose picture he had locked in the small wooden box hidden beneath his bed?
“She never held me. She always flinched when I touched her and always showered after. I thought it was normal. Humans have always been confusing. But then I saw another. . .couple.” He sucked in a breath. “I watched the humans when they snuck into the barn, near my. . .bed. The woman never rushed to get clean. She liked it when the man held her afterward.”
“Y-you’re talking about the woman in the photo?”
“Yes,” he whispered. “Lindsey. Her name was Lindsey.”
I swallowed and started massaging his scalp with my fingertips. His purring increased until it felt like his whole body was vibrating against mine.
“Was? S-she’s dead?” I asked, unable to stay silent for any longer.
He nodded. “I killed her.”
I should’ve been expecting it, but it still came as a surprise when he said it. Obsidian was a killer—he had killed a lot of people, not even o mention the torturing—but the other shifters had killed too, hadn’t they?
“Why?”
His purring stopped and his body tensed against mine. Obsidian shifted, not away, but closer. He threw one of his legs over mine and hugged me a little closer.
“I liked her. She was kind, and she tended to my wounds after I was punished. She snuck me food and taught me to talk and read. We were. . .friends.” He sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly. “But things changed. We grew older, but she wasn’t the same.”
I slid one hand down his neck and traced the skin on his beck. Like I already knew, I felt the raised skin underneath the dark ink covering most of his skin. It must have been painful. How many times had he been punished brutally?
“How did you meet her?”
Obsidian swallowed loudly. “A few years after I was. . .birthed the woman came and took me from the facility. She took me home with her.”
“Is it the monsters you talked about?”
He hesitated. “Yes. Lindsey was their daughter. When we were little we were friends. But her parents influenced her too much. She became like them more and more every day.” He paused. “I heard them talking. They wanted to kill me, but I acted first.”
He shifted his head and pressed his lips to the beating pulse against my neck.
My heartbeat increased when Obsidian suddenly pushed himself up onto his elbows. He blinked down at me with tired eyes. After a moment, he shifted again, spreading my legs apart and settling his hips in the apex of my thighs.
I took note of the flush still filling his cheeks and the sweat still coating his skin. Reaching up, I pressed my palm against his forehead and frowned.
“You still have a fever.”
He ignored me. “I kept the photo to remind me that nobody is to be trusted, but I know better now. I know that I can trust you with my life and theirs. I know now that you would never hurt us.”
“Obsidian—”
“I never meant to hurt you, Vanya,” he rasped. “I knew that he wanted me to attack you so I-I thought that if I did what he wanted then we’d get out.”
“We got out,” I whispered.
“And you almost died.” Obsidian reached up and stroked my cheek with shaky fingertips. “You’re scared of me. I don’t want you to be scared of me, sweets. I don’t want you to flinch away when I touch you. I don’t want you to look at me the way you have—”
I raised my head and pressed my lips to his, unable to help myself. Obsidian froze. His whole body stilled, but he was purring again. I cupped his cheeks and swiped my tongue along his bottom lip. I thought it was a move that would make him take control, but he didn’t. I was in charge and I liked it.
Breaking the kiss, I dropped my head back onto the pillow and slowly opened my eyes. Obsidian’s eyes were still closed. He was completely frozen above me. Licking my lips, I held my breath as I slowly slid my hands over his shoulders and down his chest. I took note of the way his breathing increased and the way his hands gripped the pillow on either side of my head.
“You don’t like it when I touch you?” I questioned softly.
Obsidian’s eyes snapped open, startling me. He blinked, once, twice, and then shook his head slightly. “I like it.” He swallowed. “You’re hands are soft.”
My eyes dropped to follow the movement of my hands as they moved over his hard chest. Obsidian shuddered when my fingers flicked over his nipples. I sucked in a breath when I felt his cock hardening against me as my hands slid lower.
His muscles contracted as I brushed my fingertips along his abdomen. My fingers traced the band of his pants next and slightly slipped beneath it.
“Do you still think of making me bleed when you fuck me?”
He shuddered. “Y-yes. I can’t help it. It’s who I am, Vanya. Can’t change it.”
My eyes snapped back up to his. I studied him silently for a few seconds before I gave him a small smile. “I don’t want you to change,” I told him. “You wouldn’t be the same if you change who you are.”
His eyes dropped. Obsidian lowered his head again and rested it against my shoulder. His body relaxed but he didn’t rest his whole weight on top of me. I pulled my hands from between our bodies and gripped his hips.
“You love Ezra too don’t you?”
“But not like I do Devrim.” He looked at me again. “Forgive me for what I did, Vanya?”
“I feel like there’s another reason for you wanting my forgiveness.”
His eyes lowered. “I-I accidentally mated you already.”