18. VANYA: A GLIMPSE OF HIS PAST

Baked beans and some meat cooked over a fire Devrim made was what we ate for dinner. The fire was then used to boil water for a bath.
I sat by the fire, staring at the flames as we waited for the water to start boiling. Obsidian had disappeared into the house again with a few bags while Devrim was busy at the SUV, probably unloading more stuff.
The cool breeze blowing through the trees felt amazing against my feverish skin and with my stomach full, all I felt like doing was sleeping.
“Red said that I wasn’t going to survive a night out here. What did he mean?” I called out to Devrim.
I knew that he had heard me even though he didn’t immediately answer me.
He took a seat next to me so suddenly that I nearly jumped out of my skin. Chuckling, he wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against his side.
“It’s going to get much colder up here once winter hits the island,” he explained. “The house is uncompleted so there’s no heating or anything else humans use to keep warm during winters.”
“I have the two of you to keep me warm,” I told him.
“You’ll be too busy to notice the cold, rosebud.”
I sighed. “Because of the mating fever?”
“Yes.” Devrim kissed my forehead and squeezed my shoulders before he got up again. “You have nothing to worry about, Vanya. We’ll take care of you.”
I wasn’t worried about the mating fever. The way I felt at the moment, days of sex sounded like paradise. I was more worried about Ezra being out there on his own and the reason why the pride had suddenly turned against us.
Tears suddenly filled my eyes. Why couldn’t we just catch a fucking break? Hadn’t we already suffered enough?
“Vanya?”
Shaking my head, I got to my feet and hurried into the house. Small battery-operated lamps had been placed around the house where they were busy. My steps faltered when I spotted the mattress, pillows, and blankets in front of the fireplace.
Obsidian was crouched in front of the fireplace, stacking wood inside of it. A moment later a match was lit and the fire roared to life. He sat there staring at the fire for a moment before he straightened.
“Your bath will be ready in a few minutes, sweet,” he said softly, without turning to look at me.
I bit my lip as I walked over to him. He glanced up then but he didn’t stop with what he was busy with.
“Where did you find the mattress?” I asked him.
I couldn’t remember seeing one in the bedroom.
“We stole it from Reeves’s house.”
I smiled. “I’m sure that they won’t miss it.”
He threw two sheets onto the mattress and pushed the ends under it. Grabbing the pillows, he threw them onto the mattress and then made his way over to me.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked.
I blinked rapidly but the tears continued to burn my eyes. Swallowing, I stepped closer to him. Obsidian reached up and brushed his thumb across my quivering lips.
I gripped his wrist and closed my eyes. “What’s going to happen if we can’t sort things out with the pride?”
He hesitated. “If that happens then we will have no choice but to make our home somewhere else.”
Obsidian pulled me against his chest as he started purring.
“I just want the danger to end so we can move on,” I whispered.
“So do I, sweets,” he muttered. “One of these days we’ll get that but for now I just need you to hang in there for a little longer.”
“I’ll try,” I whispered.
His arms loosened. I gasped when Obsidian suddenly picked me up and started making his way towards the bathroom.
My eyes widened when he stopped in the doorway. The bathtub had been filled without me realizing it. What held my attention were the purple flower petals floating in the water.
“Is it too much?” Obsidian asked. “Ezra said that you might like something romantic.”
I looked up at him. “You listened to him?”
“Not all his ideas are stupid,” he growled.
I smiled.
Letting out another low growl, Obsidian stepped into the bathroom. My eyes locked with his as he slowly lowered me to the floor, making sure that my body brushed against his.
When my feet touched the floor, he took a small step back, his hands dropping to grip the hem of my shirt. He pulled my shirt off and dropped it carelessly to the floor.
My heartbeat increased when he pulled his own shirt off. As he unbuttoned my pants, I reached for his.
Obsidian growled and jerked away. Spinning around, he moved forward and pressed his palms to the wall.
I bit my lips as I watched him. He was breathing as if he had just run a marathon. I took a step forward and raised my hand to press it to the small of his back.
He rolled his shoulders and hissed my name but I didn’t pull my hand away. I rubbed his back as I stepped up to his side.
It wasn’t easy to ignore the raised skin underneath my fingertips. I forced myself to think of what I had done wrong instead of the fact that he had more scars on his lower back than on any other part of his body.
“Obsidian,” I whispered. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me.”
He shook his head.
“Tell me what to do,” I muttered. “What do you need?”
“S-stop touching me,” he hissed through clenched teeth.
I jerked my hand away. My eyes dropped to the floor for a moment and then back up to him. Biting my lip, I slipped in between his body and the wall, careful not to touch him again.
His eyes were squeezed closed and his lips parted to reveal the blood covering the tips of his fangs. Obsidian’s eyes suddenly snapped open. For a few seconds, it looked like he wasn’t seeing me even though his eyes were locked with mine.
He blinked. “I don’t like it when you touch me without warning.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Sucking in a breath, he slowly blew it out and straightened. My eyes dropped to his lips when his tongue slipped out to swipe across them.
He reached up with a shaky hand and cupped my cheek. “You read the report.”
I frowned at him.
“Devrim said that you read it before he grabbed it from you,” he explained. “How much did you read?”
It took all but two minutes for me to figure out what he was talking about. The night when I found Dev in his office, where he had lost his temper and threw everything from his desk.
“I read about the abuse,” I answered.
“What abuse Vanya?” Obsidian questioned.
I swallowed. “About how they r-raped you.”
His eyes darted over my face. “Then you know why I don’t like being touched.”
Tears burned my eyes as a lump formed in my throat. I nodded and tried to look away but his other hand darted up to cup my cheek, forcing me to stay in place.
“There are bad days and then there are good days,” he whispered. “It’s been years since the fucking touched me but the memories are forever locked in my mind.”
“I-I wanted to undress you like you were undressing me.” I squeezed my eyes closed for a few seconds and then opened them to look at him. “I just. . .I just want to touch you.”
“Why?”
A tear escaped and slowly rolled down my cheek only to be caught by his thumb. “Because touching you is the only way I can feel close to you. The only time you really seem to be with me is when we’re having sex but even then you immediately pull away from me afterward. I know that you struggled with what they did to you and I’m trying my best to respect your need for the no-touching rule, but having those intimate moments with Dev and Ezra isn’t enough. I need that with you too.”
Obsidian stared at me for so long that I feared he would push me away. Lowering his head, he pressed his forehead to mine as a hand slid down my neck to my shoulder where his bite had left a scar.
My eyes darted over his face. I was trying to figure out what he was thinking about as he stared at the spot where his thumb rubbed my skin.
His lips parted but he shook his head and stepped away.
“I. . .I. . .I. . .” With another shake of his head, he stormed out of the bathroom.
I pressed a hand to my mouth to stifle the sob.
*What’s the use of strengthening our bond if nothing between us will actually change?*