2. VANYA: I NEED YOU TO TELL ME

My eyes darted up to the mirror as I ran a hand through my tangled hair. At least I looked better than I felt. I pulled a face at my reflection and then sighed.
Washing my hands, I gave my reflection one last glance and then walked out of the bathroom. My steps faltered when my eyes locked on the man hovering near the bed. I stared at the tray he held in his hands for a few seconds and then looked up at him.
Obsidian was already watching me. “I-I made you breakfast.”
I just continued to stare at him dumbly. It wasn’t exactly the first time he had made me breakfast, but it was the first time he brought it up to my room.
He shifted from foot to foot, making me aware of how uncomfortable he felt.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Obsidian gave me a stiff nod and placed the tray down on the bedside table. When I didn’t say anything else, he walked out of the room but reappeared a second later.
“Do you need anything else?” he asked.
I hesitated. “Some of my things would be good. I want things from my apartment.”
“I’ll let Devrim know,” he muttered.
My lips parted but he disappeared before I could utter another would. Cursing, I stormed over to the bed and sat down. I picked up the cup and took a sip. A sigh fell from my lips when the strong coffee assaulted my senses.
I wasn’t hungry, but I picked up a piece of bacon and slowly ate it as I drank the coffee. When the cup was empty, I placed it back on the tray, hesitated a moment, and then picked up a slice of toast.
As I ate it, my mind trailed off.
I had another nightmare last night which wasn’t so surprising but it hadn’t been about Obsidian attacking me. It was different than all the other nightmares I suffered from before.
I could have sworn that I had seen Obsidian in the bedroom with us after I woke from the nightmare, but when I woke up, he hadn’t been there. Why hadn’t he stayed?
“Vanya?”
I blinked and looked up at Ezra. “Where’s Obsidian?” I asked before he could say anything.
His lips parted but then he pursed his lips and frowned down at me. “Why?”
“I need to talk to him.”
“He—”
“He’s in the basement,” Devrim interrupted him from the doorway. “Don’t sneak up on him.”
My eyes darted between them as I stood. Devrim was glaring at Ezra while Ezra acted like he didn’t see a thing. I was reluctant to leave them because I feared that a fight might break out between them, but my need to talk to Obsidian got the best of me.
I hurried out of the room, down the stairs and hall to the basement door. It came as a surprise to find the door wide open. Obsidian always closed it whenever he was inside.
It was clear that he wasn’t himself.
Licking my dry lips, I sucked in a breath and slowly blew it out, and then took the first step.
When I reached the end of the staircase, I finally raised my head. My eyes instantly locked on Obsidian. He was in the corner where the boxing bag hung from the ceiling. The single bulb hung a few feet to the left of him and even though it wasn’t as bright, there was enough light for me to see him.
Sweat dripped onto his shoulders from his damp hair and slowly rolled down his chest to the band of the black gym shorts he wore.
He was so engrossed in punching the bag that he didn’t even hear me enter. I took a seat on the stairs where I could still watch him.
Even though he was still recovering, he seemed to be steady on his feet or maybe it just seemed like it because he was busy beating the shit out of the bag. His punches slowed.
I jumped when he punched the bag so hard that his hand went right through it. For a few seconds, he stood frozen as he stared at his hand, and then he pulled his hand free and turned around to grab a towel.
His body jerked when his eyes locked on me.
“H-how long have you been sitting there?” he growled.
“A f-few minutes.”
Obsidian muttered a curse under his breath as he ran a hand through his hair. “It’s the second time.”
“I’m sorry,” I instantly apologized. “I know that you don’t like having anyone in your space.”
“It’s not that,” he sighed. “Devrim snuck up on me earlier too. I didn’t hear him”—he frowned—“or you.”
And for someone like Obsidian who hated the fact that we had managed to sneak up on him. He liked control and that had been taken away from him.
My mouth dried as I opened my mouth to speak. Swallowing a few times, I stared down at my hands as I struggled to find the right words.
“Too much has happened for things to go back to the way they were before,” I told him. “It’s going to be hard for me t-to. . .I know why you did it but. . .” I made a gesture with my hand as I tried to find the right words to explain.
“Your instincts scream at you that I’m a monster and that you need to get away from me,” he muttered, making me nod. “It will change.”
Would it? “Do you want me to stay?”
“Devrim told you—”
“I want to hear it from you,” I told him. “Do you want me to stay?”
Obsidian turned his back on me and took a few steps towards the boxing bag.
Tears filled my eyes when the silence between us stretched on and on. A tear slowly rolled down my cheek but I made no move to wipe it away.
“I need you to tell me that you want me to stay,” I whispered. “You act one way but say something else. You keep telling me that you don’t want me as a mate but your actions make me believe otherwise.”
His hands curled into fists.
“I need to know if I’m just a good fuck to you, Obsidian. I want you to tell me that you want me here. I want you to tell me that you love me as much as I love you.” My voice cracked on the last word but it seemed to have no effect on him at all.
His silence hurt more than his rejection had when I first came to live with them.
When a full minute passed and he still hadn’t said anything, I stood and made my way back up the stairs.
He might have saved me but it was clear that I meant nothing to him.
“I bonded you,” he called out, making me freeze. “It wasn’t an accident, Vanya.”
“W-what?” I gasped.
A chair creaked behind me and a few seconds later I felt him at my back.
“I didn’t know if it was going to take,” he said softly. “We know nothing about human-panthers bonding’s.”
“I. . .”
“You’re not just a good fuck, sweets,” Obsidian rasped.
Turning, I stared down at him with tear-filled eyes. There were four steps between us but he made no move to close the distance between us.
Obsidian swallowed loudly. “It’s not easy. The last. . .human I trusted turned against me.”
“You know that I will ever do that,” I whispered.
“I know.” His head lowered. “I’ve known only pain. Humans equal pain—that’s what I learned, sweets.”
“W-why did you bond me then?” I asked him. “Why tie me to you on purpose when you don’t want me?”
“I want you!” he hissed. “I want you so fucking much but it’s going to take time for me to. . .accept you—”
I flinched.
“Not like that.” He blew out a harsh breath. “It’s hard to forget the years of abuse Vanya. You have no fucking idea how much I want you to touch me like you touch them.”
I tensed when he climbed one step, hesitated a moment, and then took another. His eyes darted over my face before they locked on my lips.
“I-I want you to stay,” he said so softly that I almost didn’t hear him.
My lips parted but a sound above us made me pause. Turning, I blinked up at Devrim hovering in the doorway.
“Someone spotted Joy,” Devrim said after a few seconds.
Obsidian muttered a curse and spun away from me. I watched him as he stormed into his bedroom. Frowning, I took the stairs and followed Devrim into the living room.
My stomach clenched when fear hit me for a moment. They found her but was it good news or bad news? What if her reappearance caused trouble?