Ana Oliveira

**Present Day...**


The day was filled with tension. I was preparing for everything that was about to happen, although I felt completely unprepared. I had no idea what it would be like, even though I had rehearsed every word I needed to say.
It was Friday, and the day was ending with a moon that resembled the Cheshire Cat's smile beginning to show itself, unabashed. Luana was entertaining Júlia, sitting on the living room rug and playing with a wooden train in shades of blue and yellow. It was amusing to watch my friend trying to be engaging for my baby. She clearly had no knack for it, shaking the toy with her long, slender fingers, and Júlia stared at her with wide eyes, her tiny red mouth open.
I finished applying the nude lipstick and looked at my features in the half-moon mirror. I had washed my hair, used a split-end trimmer with a delicious coconut scent, covered my dark circles, and applied a very light contour to my face. On my eyes, just mascara. I wanted to look presentable.
I took a deep breath, but the nervousness was escaping through every part of my body, and if Josiah’s cousin hadn’t agreed to be by my side at that moment, I would have certainly backed out.
I smoothed the black dress that clung to my body and spritzed a little La Vie Est Belle on my neck. I picked up the phone from the console, which lay below a medium half-moon mirror framed in gold, positioned next to the entrance door. A fully glass door with a dark, glossy wooden frame.
“I’m nervous...” I confessed. “What if he doesn’t answer?”
“Then you call again, duh...” Luana said, practical as always.
“Maybe I should leave it for later because…”
“No way! Do it now, next week I’m teaching in the mornings and spending the afternoons planning.”
“Okay! My God, my heart is going to jump out of my chest.”
Shaking and unsure, I slid my finger across the phone screen, searching for his contact, trying not to think too much as I pressed the call button.
One ring.
Two.
Three.
Four...
“Sweetheart...” he answered, with the loud voices of friends in the background, along with the annoying buzz of the tattoo machine. “What do you want? Is the Little One okay?”
“Júlia is great!” I said, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice. “It’s about her that I want to talk. Can you come to my house?”
“How come? Why don’t you just talk here?”
“It’s a long conversation, to settle the details of your involvement with her. Isn’t that what you want? I’m willing to accept your participation in our daughter’s life,” I explained, keeping my tone gentle.
“You know I don’t come to your house!” he said, his voice low, seeming to have left the noisy studio environment. “You come here.”
“No!” I denied, short and emphatic. “If you want to have this conversation, you’ll have to come in here, and it has to be now. The door is unlocked, so come in through the living room!”
I ended the call. I exhaled all the air I had been holding, feeling like I might vomit from the tension. This wasn’t how I would play it with him. My revenge would be different. This conversation was for her, for the child with the pink bow on her head, in a denim dress while babbling away with Luana.
"Did I do well?" I asked, looking at my friend, who was running between my daughter and me.
"It was great."
I had thought about it all night, and the conclusion I reached was that it would be better to talk to Josiah, settle the details, and define the boundaries for his involvement with our daughter.
A few minutes passed, and then I heard the gate being slammed outside, and I felt my heart pounding, blood racing through my veins as I leaned against the wall connecting the living room to the hallway. I saw those large fingers open the door. He was wearing his usual black pants, a matching long-sleeve shirt, and a single piece of light-colored clothing, having removed his boots to enter the house.
"Hi..." I whispered.
He didn’t even look at me; his eyes went straight to the child, who was playing carefree on the large rug in shades of pink, gray, and white. There was affection in the way he looked at Júlia, and also something else: anxiety.
"Shall we go to the kitchen?" I invited, pointing in that direction, but he already knew the layout of the house.
My ex followed my direction, not greeting Luana, as Josiah considered her as traitorous as me. I grabbed the white envelope lying on the console, containing notes I had spent the entire morning making after spending the whole night with thoughts swirling in my mind.
Júlia’s father stopped halfway. I froze when he turned his gaze to the black and white photos on the left wall, the picture showing the man he hated, the man I had promised never to get close to. Josiah turned his face to the side, giving me a look full of hurt over his shoulder. I stood paralyzed, scared, as he continued the rest of the way in silence.
I bit my lower lip as I followed him. I noticed he sat in one of the chairs, unceremoniously, but shifting around, clearly uncomfortable.
I walked over to him, gently placing the envelope on the table in front of him. I then moved to the sink, leaning against it. Josiah opened it, took out the paper, looked at the amounts listed, and released all the air he had been holding, seeming to understand that it covered half of the baby's monthly expenses.
"We’ll have shared custody of our daughter," I announced, watching his eyes soften, filled with hope. I fought to keep my chest from tightening. I licked my lower lip, moistening it before continuing. My hands were sweating. "You’ll be able to have her on alternating weekends while she’s still a baby. Later, we can divide her time during the weekdays as well."
"Really?" he asked, astonished. "You’re not making fun of me, are you? That would be too low, even for you..."
"Of course not!" I retorted, sharply. "As I was saying, we’ll share everything about her. We’ll need to go together to the daycare so I can introduce you to the teachers and authorize you to pick her up."
He nodded, looking at me with interest and a full smile on his lips. He reminded me of the Josiah I used to know, the teenager who smiled a lot in my presence, watching movies, making jokes, drinking around...
"But we need to approach this delicately, after all, she doesn’t know you."
"Sure... As you wish."
"And, just as you stopped me from being with her while I was drunk, I’ll ask you the same thing. And don’t smoke inside the house or around Júlia."
"I would never do that!" he explained.
"Another thing, we shouldn’t argue in front of her. We need to treat each other with respect, leaving our differences and issues for when we’re away from our daughter."
"It could have been like this from the beginning..." Josiah whispered.
"Anyway..." I cleared my throat, uncomfortable. "You also need to learn everything, how to change diapers, Júlia’s feeding routine, which toys you can or cannot give her..."
"I can observe you for a while before being alone with the Little One," he suggested, running his index finger across his lips. I used to love when he did that... It was so...
No, Ana! He’s a jerk; you’re only dealing with him because of your daughter!