Ana Oliveira

Four years ago...


It has been twelve long months since Josiah started his military career. So much has happened over the past year... And my heart broke every time I had to say goodbye to my boyfriend when he had to return to Minas.
In the first few weeks, I barely knew if I was living or just existing, waiting for Jow to come back. I missed him all the time because I was used to sleeping and waking up every day in the arms of the man I loved. Suddenly, I was forced to adapt to a life where he was absent most of the time.
Josiah made a huge effort to be with me and his mother, coming on busy weekends to spend his rest time with us. Those were the happiest days because he was there, filling them, adding color.
At the beginning of last year, after Josiah left, I passed the entrance exam to study Letters. It gave me a routine, an escape from the overwhelming longing I felt for Jow. Isabela, my best friend, was studying at the same university but was pursuing Marketing.
Another magical thing was finally writing an entire book. I started writing casually on a reading app, pouring out a very dark story. I was startled when I woke up in the middle of the night to my phone buzzing with notifications of comments on my book, titled Dark Dress. Suddenly, the book went viral before it was even finished. Seeing how people were enjoying it made me realize that writing was what I needed in my life.
I received an offer from a literary agent, who called me enthusiastically, offering me a contract. Accepting that was the best decision I ever made. She found a publisher, and I released my book, filling up a book signing event with Marta, Isa, Bernardo, my boyfriend, and many people from my university, as well as numerous readers who had already been following me.
I remember being terrified that no one would show up to the launch except for my close friends and family. That day turned out to be the exact opposite of my fears, so perfect that I knew there was no other career for me. My heart and soul screamed that I was born to be a writer.
I was very happy with the start of my writing career, but my heart still ached with longing for Jow. I felt a bit lonely because, even though Marta and Luana were always there, his absence made me feel a bit out of place. I was often surprised by how my mind kept bringing back memories of him. One day, while I was lost in thought, I was surprised by a little stray puppy wagging its tail at me in Marta's kitchen. I still lived with her and hadn’t yet had the courage to move into the house my aunt left me. I was putting dishes into the stainless steel dishwasher under the kitchen sink when the little dog gave a tiny bark. It was almost a soft, high-pitched sound, very cute. I remember bending down, and the little puppy ran, almost jumping, towards me. I picked up that tiny, chubby thing, smiling as it tried to lick my face.
“How did you get in here, ‘milk breath’?” I asked, smiling at the excitement of the brown-coated stray.
“Sorry...” Lucah said, standing at the kitchen entrance. I looked at him, immediately stopping my smile. “I was trying to convince my mother to let ‘Mr. Belly’ stay here until he found a home. This little rascal crossed the street right in front of my car…”
I stared at the elegant man, dressed in a loose white dress shirt over tight jeans. Why did he seem like a good man? It didn’t make sense...
“I tried to get my boyfriend to take this little guy in, but since my mother-in-law hates animals, it became impossible,” he said, taking a deep breath and holding his waist with his hands, sighing as he looked at the puppy, who was starting to snuggle against my chest.
It took me a few seconds to grasp what he said while cuddling the puppy closer. He said... he said the word “boyfriend.” I was becoming more and more confused about that man. Josiah’s voice echoed in my mind, sending a shiver down my spine: “Stay away from my brother!”

"Son, I don't know if I want this little pup around... He'll pee on everything!" Marta said, smiling as she pinched his cheek, standing on tiptoe, and then placing a kiss on his cheek. "But how can I say no to my little one, huh?"
"Why don't you keep him yourself?" I asked, still skeptical of that facade of kindness.
"I live in a house for guys, and one of the owner's explicit rules, she's a grump, is 'No animals allowed!'" he said, imitating a hoarse, mocking voice.
I tried to stay serious, but the grimace he made, along with the gesture of being strangled, made me laugh.
"How long have you been dating?" I asked, as my mother-in-law approached and patted the little puppy's head. He got all excited, starting to wiggle in my lap, playfully trying to lick Marta's face.
"Seven years!" he said, pulling out his phone and coming closer. "This is Jonas, my prince."
Ignoring that familiar voice in my head telling me to stay away, I tilted my face and looked at the photo, which showed Lucah and another man. The guy was quite short and was smiling in front of Lucah, who was holding him around the waist in an embrace. The background of the photo showed they were at Christ the Redeemer.
"Wow, that's cool!" I said, shocked. "Your mom didn’t tell me about you being gay or about Jonas."
"When I confided my sexuality to her, I made her promise never to tell my dad or Jow. I don’t want Cristian attacking me even more..." he said, putting his phone back in his front pocket and leaning over to pick up Señor Barriga from my lap. "My dad is homophobic."
"I see..." I whispered.
So... seven years of dating Jonas. Marta was truly a vault of secrets. But maybe that little piece of information could make Josiah understand that... maybe... he was wrong.
Wow! I was feeling awful for doubting Josiah's judgment, but seeing that man, so... unlike what I imagined, really planted a heavy question in my mind.
"I’ve already posted pictures of this little chubby guy on my Instagram. He should stay here for a few days because there are already people interested in adopting him. But, you know how it is... We need to check out these potential adopters, right, little guy?" he said, holding the puppy between his fingers and shaking him lightly in front of his face. Lucah was someone with such a serene aura... "So, I’m heading out... Take good care of this little guy, okay?"
My brother-in-law left the puppy in my lap, then left a bag of dog food on the kitchen table, along with a yellow cushioned bed and a huge pack of puppy pads. My head was spinning, and inside my chest, a cruel doubt was planted.
I loved and trusted my boyfriend, but at the same time, Lucah didn’t seem to be the person Jow described. Was Josiah’s brother a type of psychopath? Did he seem sweet, charming, and hiding a wolf beneath his skin? Or was he really a good man, and somehow, in a very crazy way, my boyfriend was mistaken about him?
Just having doubts about Josiah’s older brother’s character brought me an absurd sense of guilt.