Ana Oliveira Part 5
"It hurts so much, Jow... My heart is aching. I just want this pain to stop."
"I know it hurts, but I'm here, and I'll do everything I can to make sure your heart doesn't hurt anymore."
We stayed like that for many minutes, with him squatting in front of me and my head resting sideways on his shoulder. He smelled so much like safety. His voice was so calm, so perfect. I didn’t deserve him... When we finally pulled apart, I noticed Josiah glaring at Lucah, his jaw clenched. Just as he was about to say something, Mrs. Helena stepped in front of my brother-in-law.
"Your brother brought some of your Christmas dinner to me, as your mother asked. He was telling me about the church project he’s involved in when we heard Ana screaming. I asked Lucah to go check on her," Mrs. Helena explained, causing some of the anger in my boyfriend to dissipate. Marta came closer, gently pulling me up by my wrists, and gave me a long hug. She kissed my head and made me a promise.
"I will always be here for you! Always! You’re a good girl... You don’t deserve to go through this."
When I got to Josiah’s house, I managed to find a moment alone to go to the bathroom, where I swallowed five sleeping pills I had in Josiah’s bedroom drawer. I just wanted to pass out, to stop feeling. It hurt so much, so much... Why did she leave me? Why didn’t she talk to me? Why didn’t she tell me she was tired? Why didn’t she prepare me for this?
I would never forgive her for abandoning me, for choosing to leave me like that. For doing it knowing everything I had been through. It was so cowardly, so... cruel.
I remember Josiah’s desperation when he saw me slurring my words as he broke down the bathroom door, lifting me from the shower floor, the many faces around me, Lucah trying to make me vomit by sticking his fingers down my throat. I remember Josiah’s arms around me, Lucah driving, and then... darkness.
I woke up the next day with a headache in a bluish hospital room. It was awful to see my boyfriend crying, to see him hug me with such fear in his eyes. He kept asking me to promise I would never do that again. Josiah had such a sad look, dark circles under his eyes, his face swollen.
“You were abandoned by your aunt, but I’m here! Me, my mom, Isabela, Bernardo, Luana... We love you and we don’t deserve to lose you! If you die, I won’t be able to bear it! It’s not fair to make me love you so much, only to leave like this...”
It was horrible to see him suffer, and it was horrible to realize that it wasn’t just a nightmare.
I was abandoned... again!
And how many abandonments does it take for a person to stop trusting anyone?
How many does it take for someone to go insane?
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