Ana Oliveira

Present Day...


Two weeks had passed since we all discovered the truth about the misunderstandings of the past. On the day Luana was arrested, Josiah was devastated after his mother practically threw herself at him, begging for forgiveness through sobs. He hugged her for many moments, then guided her to talk privately. When he returned, he said he wanted to go home. I nodded, with my heart aching and inexplicably holding back tears, thinking he would go alone. But Jow picked up Júlia and linked his hand with mine, pulling me to go with them.
Josiah slept the rest of that day away, and I was left completely unsure of what to do there, sleepless and somewhat lost. I was surprised to see the changes in the place: there were many toys and Júlia’s things around the house, along with a small pink bed for her in Jow’s bedroom, next to his.
Our daughter felt at ease in the environment, as she spent days there with her father. Unlike me, who felt sad, upset, and shocked by what had happened. To distract myself, I started tidying up the house. I loved cleaning when I needed to clear my head, so I let Júlia watch her cartoons and cleaned the rooms until everything smelled fresh and sparkled. I prepared a meal and then watched TV with my little one.
By the time Jow woke up, it was already late at night. I had already taken a shower and wrapped myself in one of his T-shirts, bathed our baby, and put her to bed next to him while she was already deep in sleep. He got up and said nothing, only extended his hand to me as if inviting me to follow him, an invitation I couldn’t imagine refusing. I followed my ex-boyfriend to the bathroom... I understood that Josiah was inviting me to escape the pain together. And the way we escaped the suffering together was incredibly liberating.
I spent all those fifteen days with Josiah and Júlia at his house. I had never kissed him so much in my life, and I was sore all over from how insatiable we were for each other. Sleeping and waking up with him every day was the most perfect thing, because Jow would spoon with me, and our daughter would snuggle up in front of me. That was the most delightful way to fall asleep. I slept with the warmth of the bodies of the two people I loved most in the world. Sometimes, I liked to lie on one side of his chest while Júlia slept on the other, just watching Josiah fall asleep, so serene and perfect.
And the routine as a family made my heart feel healed.
But we still hadn’t talked. I had set aside the issues of our breakup, deadlines, and leaving him. I wanted him, I wanted all the good feelings we had for each other, and I was sure that now Josiah could give me what I needed, and I would give him everything he wanted from me.
But we still needed to talk, to define what we were. Were we back together? Were we dating? Partners? And our future? Would it be together?
Being with Jow was what I wanted, what my heart screamed in every moment we escaped to the bathroom to have sex in the middle of the night, also when we played with our daughter and took her to the playground, when we cooked together or watched Júlia’s repetitive cartoons until we were fed up... Every smile, every kiss, every touch from Josiah melted me and made me fall in love even more.
It was sweet to go to the market together for the first time. Júlia wanted to grab everything she saw, and Josiah kept holding onto me with every step, drawing curious or disapproving looks from other customers or staff.
I wanted that life beside him, the man I loved, and I stayed anxious throughout the week. I woke up ready to ask him to talk. After all, I had waited for the days to pass to digest the revelations about Luana and Lucah, to ease the loss of Bernardo... But I felt it was time.
Josiah had gone up to Ravina when I dropped Júlia off at daycare. I thought about Isabela, who had finally left to follow her dream of studying Music. I wanted to call her, but I had already talked her ear off for an hour the night before. I returned home with my heart beating nervously as I guided my thoughts back to my ex-boyfriend, with my breath coming in gasps, and that scorching heat sweeping through the city, leaving me sweaty despite wearing a short denim skirt and a white cropped top with thin straps. My loose hair didn’t help, but I had to admit I was leaving it down because Jow always complimented me when my hair was free. He seemed to love my hair, enjoyed running his fingers through it, breathing in its scent...
I was surprised to see Josiah in front of the house, leaning against his pickup truck, smoking a cigarette and staring at me. What shocked me even more was seeing him wearing a pair of jeans and a loose white tank top... My heart skipped a beat, and I quickened my pace towards him.
God! Jow looked so perfect and different in light clothes... I loved the contrast of his hair color with the white outfit. His face looked healthier because he had started eating well again. Since our “breakup,” Isa had told me that Josiah barely ate. But with me at home, things had changed, as he loved everything I cooked and kept asking for more. We were also working out at the condo gym... We always went an hour before our daughter left daycare, then walked together to pick her up.
When I was in front of him, I stood on my tiptoes and gave him a peck, tasting the mix of cigarette and mint on those red lips I loved so much, while holding the side of his shirt. Jow wrapped his huge hands around me, giving me a tight hug with his warm hands sliding down my back.