Ana Oliveira Part 2

There were still the cesarean section stitches, which opened with the fall and made me have to redo the procedure to close the scar. I liked to avoid remembering those moments, the days after my baby's birth, because they brought me a lot of pain. And talking about it with Josiah on the day we threw truths in each other's faces after the damn bucket, with those memories swirling in my mind, made me feel awful. I still needed to find out who was behind the bucket incident... But there was one thing helping to ease my suffering. Isabela's presence back in my life somewhat alleviated the hole in my heart.
She apologized as soon as she came to sleep with me after our reconciliation. It was so shocking... She literally held my face in her hands and apologized for not having told Josiah about the betrayal, for knowing that I hadn’t cheated on him and just dropping hints for Josiah to figure it out, instead of being upfront. I comforted her because how could I blame Isabela for not clearing up a misunderstanding that I could have resolved with a call, but my pride prevented me? My immaturity, my fragile sense of revenge, all of it was in the balance of my actions that prolonged the suffering. So how could I blame her?
Isabela was helping me visit some apartments on the weekends since she decided to buy my house. She transferred the money, but we still needed to go together to sign the sale papers. I asked her what she would do with the house, and my friend shrugged and said it was an investment. In the end, I knew she just wanted to help me because Isa wouldn’t leave her penthouse in Ipanema to live in an old house like that.
We visited a few apartments near Saenz Peña Square, a great spot in the neighborhood, close to the metro, good schools, and still near enough for Josiah and Marta to spend time with Júlia. I hadn’t liked any of them because I still had a small hope in my mind. A... belief that, maybe, Josiah and I could end up together.
I was lying face down on the bed in my room at Marta’s house, drifting through all those deafening memories. It was a guest room she had given me while I needed to stay there. Júlia was with her father, and Isabela was lying next to me. Isa was staring at the white ceiling with one hand resting on her stomach.
“I’m just waiting for this mess between you and Josiah to end, for you guys to get married so I can ‘get out of here’ and finally go to college to study Music!” she said, breaking the silence and making me look at her. I smiled at the woman beside me, sitting up on the bed excitedly. “I’m tired of being fired by Bill or Jow.”
“Calm down, too much information all at once...” I said, shocked. “It was about time you finally thought about pursuing your dream, but don’t tie that to the success of my relationship with Jow.”
“Grrr!” she grunted, rolling her eyes and sitting up, wearing a black pajama covered with white skulls, her hair tied in two messy buns, one on each side of her head. “Girl, you love each other. Take him back! The guy is even skinny, doesn’t eat, just cries all the time, just like when you broke up in the past.”
“I’ve already said!” I warned, and she realized the subject was closed. “Now tell me about these layoffs, why do they fire you?”
“They want me to go study Music, they say it’s about time I stopped wasting my life behind that reception desk,” she said, making a big pout and pulling a paper from between her breasts. “Bill handed me this today after firing me for the tenth time this week.”
I took the black flyer in my fingers:
Attention! A new college has just opened up. That’s right, a new college has just opened in the South Zone, close to the beach. The Santa Úrsula neighborhood now hosts the largest college dedicated to the Arts in Brazil. If you know a rebellious, untamed spirit who tends to express feelings through art, this place is perfect for them.
Come to Revolta College, where rage gives way to beautiful things

“Girl, are you sure your grandmother didn’t build this place just for you to finally go after your dream of becoming a singer?” I asked, my mouth open in shock. From the ad, the college seemed designed just for her. “This place is so you!”
“Yeah, I admit I was tempted.”
“So…”
Before I could finish my thought, a call from Josiah made me start trembling. Oh my God! I stared at the phone vibrating between my fingers. I brushed a stray strand of hair that had fallen into my eye out of the way. I adjusted my breasts in my bra, as one was almost spilling out of the lacy neckline of my light pink satin blouse. After the milk had dried up, my breasts looked like jelly.
“Answer it, woman,” Isabela advised, holding her hand up, pointing at the phone.
“Hi, Jow!” I whispered, feeling my heart pounding so hard it might explode. Was he finally going to say what I had been waiting for? But what I heard next shattered my heart into so many pieces it would be impossible to count.
“He’s gone, Sweetie!” Josiah whimpered, making me feel like Alice falling down a deep, dark hole. “He’s gone... Please help me, I... I can’t stand it,” he sobbed, leaving me even more devastated.
I felt tears welling up and forming bags under my eyes. My heart squeezed so tightly it felt like the pain was going to crush it. My gaze flew to Isabela, and imagining how she would also suffer, how she would be broken too, I broke down in tears. Damn it! God, why? Why so much suffering?
How much loss can a human being endure?
Damn it!
I felt every cell in my body carrying just one thing: pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain. Paaaain… But I needed to be a damn strong woman, made of titanium so I wouldn’t break, because now there were people I loved who would be shattered. I had already been put back together many times; I knew the feeling of falling apart. Now I had to hold on…
“Jow, are you at home? Who’s there with you and Júlia?” I asked, seeing Isabela staring at me with wide eyes, sensing something was wrong. I got up, sliding the elastic off my hair, releasing it and smoothing it out with trembling hands as the pressure began to drop.
Josiah was sobbing incessantly on the other end of the line but tried his best to speak, gasping for breath, starting to articulate words only to burst into tears again. Finally, after a last long sob, he replied:
“Harry and Bill... But I need you. Please, he’s gone, I can’t handle it. I lost him. It’s my fault! He was leaving because he fought with me, Ana. He told me to stop drinking, to go see something with him, then got angry and left. He died. And he was angry and disappointed in me. Ana, please!”
“Jow, it’s going to be okay. Ask Harry to bring you and our daughter here, please,” I pleaded, even knowing he might blame me for it, might trample on the shards of my heart. Still, I wanted to try to comfort him in some way. Just as he had done for me at various times. For we were two shattered, ruined, and broken people, but we were also everything the other needed.
“Okay… I… Okay!”