Chapter 99

His lips moved over mine tentatively once, twice and then he slowly increased its intensity. I stood rigid, not knowing how to respond to this onslaught as if ice ran through my veins.

I don't want this. Not now... perhaps not ever. Yet my guilt made me stand still, accepting his touch. I clenched my fists at my sides, hoping it would be over soon. Now I know the answer. I can't date Chris. He shouldn't be with the one who can't love him. Who can't bear his touch? He is not forcing his way. He is gently forcing me to accept his touch. But with James's touch so fresh on my mind, I can't bear another male's closeness.

What I feel for Chris is friendship and nothing more. Chris's touch doesn't ignite me. Doesn't light a fire inside me. It does nothing to me. It is enduring... a duty, a pittance to overcome my guilt.

Suddenly he is ripped from me and thrown aside. I gasped looking at an angry James standing before me. A red hue has marred his cheeks in suppressed rage, his eyes glaring dangerously at Chris.

"What the fuck man! Can't you see she doesn't want it? Can't you sense she is struggling to step back? What's wrong with you?" James bellowed as he grabbed the collar of Chris' coat and said it to his face.

"Who gave you the right to interfere between us? This is between me and my girlfriend. You better stay out of it," Chris shoved him, not sensing the danger. He is literally waving a red flag before the bull with that statement.

And it did exactly that. James lunged at him at once, holding his lapels of the coat with one hand, punching him squarely on the nose.

Chris tried to shove him once again. He ducked and jabbed James's stomach. James grunted in response and turned him off-balancing Chris. Chris tried to use his foot but James was ready for his attack. He stepped aside and took Chris crashing down.

"Stop it," I stuttered, tears blinding my eyes. Alas, no one listened. They crashed through the nearby chair, landing on the floor, rolling on top of each other, and trying to get the upper hand.
Finally, James was able to pin him as he launched punch after punch. Chris, unable to attack, started defending himself by covering his face with his hands.

"Stop it!" This time I said it louder. But they both are doing their own thing.

I continued screaming at them to stop until my voice was hoarse. Finally, James relented as he stood from the crumbled form of Chris and looked at me with heated eyes.

There is so much emotion in them. The James I know was a blank mask.... this guy, this guy has a freaking tornado in his eyes.

I felt a stab near my heart witnessing his turmoil.

"Why? Why do you have to ruin everything for me? Why can't you just let me be?"

"Because you are in my blood Bella. I can't see you with anyone. My blood boils whenever I think about you with someone else. You are mine. Every inch of it. No one but me has the right"

"No. You don't. You lose the right when you choose your path. Now let me be. You are
suffocating me"

James took a step back as if I punched him in the gut.

"Is that how you feel back there? Suffocated?" James asked, referencing our heated moment.
"That's not what I mean and you know it. You are crowding me, James. I need air. I need space to think"

"You lie Bella. I gave you space. For weeks I stood back and let that clown charm you and your family. Not once did I interfere. But he misunderstood my patience to my helplessness. He dared to touch you without your permission. That... that I can't accept," James said vehemently, his hands running through his hair.

"What would you have done if I had kissed him back?" I asked, cocking my head. I'm not scared of his answer... I'm terrified. This possessive James is making the new wounds I got from Jacqueline, raw once again.

James closed his eyes as if it's anathema to even think about it. Tough luck. He needs to face it. He has to know how I feel when someone else lays claim on the one you love.

"You wouldn't do that"

"That's not the answer. Hypothetically speaking, what would you have done?"

"This is ridiculous and I refuse to comply with an answer"

"That's it? So, now you know how it feels, doesn't it?"

"What are you implying Bella?"

"How it feels to look and endure when someone else claims the person you love. Though, for the record, you never said you love me"

"That's because words are not enough to say how I feel. What I feel for you is more than those three simple words"

"No... no James. I'm not getting tangled in your web once again. It's pulling me down. They are binding me in chains I can't get away from"

"Bella. You don't mean it. I refuse to believe it"

"No... what I said now is true," I close my eyes to stop the tears from trickling down my cheeks alas, they seem to have a kind of their own. I wiped them with my right hand and continued, "Dad is right. You... you are bad for me"

"Is that how you feel about me? Would I let anything happen to you?"

"You don't have to James. Things automatically go wrong when we are together. It's like fate has it against us"

"Fuck fate. I write my own destiny. I choose my own path. I choose you"

"No. You choose your obsession. I'm more than your obsession James. I'm more than your possession. I am me. I might be silly, naive, trusting blindly... but it's me. And you... you are changing me. You are making me into this insecure, panicked creature that is afraid of crowds"

"Bella, I would never-"

"I know. I know you wouldn't hurt me. But what if I get hurt by being with you?"

"I would protect you Bella"

"But who would protect me from you?"

"How could you even ask that? I would never... ever think about hurting you"
"You won't James. But things happen when we are together. I can't fight with the world constantly. I'm human James. I get tired. I too need a break"

"What about me? How do you think I feel when I witness you in pain? It eats me, Bella. This helplessness... If I could make it go away, I would. But until the situation is settled, I'm as much on display as you. Do you think I want it like this?"

"I don't know...I don't know. All I know is, I can't be with you"

"Bella moi," James cupped my jaw, drawing me near to him. His forehead touched mine.
"Please," James whispered as he kissed feather-light kisses on my lips.

I never saw him say that word before. For him to say that... It's a great deal. But I have to conceal my heart.
"I... I can't, James. I'm not strong enough for this. You are wrong James. I'm not built for this world. It is cruel"

"Say the word, Bella. Just say one word and I will leave my world for you. We can live far away, away from this circus. You don't have to worry about anything. I will take care of it"

"I'm tired James," I said in his mouth. Wanting to taste him, even though I'm nailing The Coffin.
"Let me be your strength. Let me be your pillar, Bella"

"No James. It won't work like that. There will always be something or someone, who can reduce our relationship to nothing. You love your world, your position. And if you choose me, you have to leave everything behind...that will change you, James. And then you will slowly start to resent me without meaning to. I can't bear that. It is better if we don't see each other now. I don't think I can handle much more"

James dropped his hands abruptly. He then took a step back and looked stormily at me. His eyes convey a million things, most prominent being- accusing.

"Please James. For me," I begged him with my hands clasped in front of me. I don't know what I'm begging him for.

But he clenched his jaw. A muscle ticked in his jaw. He closed his eyes, inhaled once... twice, and then slowly opened his eyes. All the emotions wiped from his face. A blank mask staring at me.

I felt the pain in my heart. This... this is what I made him. What I have done to him. But I can't take it back. I can't let him destroy me. Though James said he wouldn't harm me, ultimately, he would be the means through which I get hurt. Like always. Because he is my life.

"Have I ever said no to you? If that is what you want Bella then that is what you get. You won't hear from me ever again unless you initiate the conversation. Then... all bets are off Bella. I trust you, Bella. I know you. You will come for me. And I will be waiting patiently as always for you."

"No James. You might have to wait for eternity. Because this time, your guess is wrong. I won't be walking towards you. My path is paved differently. We won't be crossing each other ever again."

"We will see Bella. We will meet once again. You will come for me. Not because I trust in fate. But because I trust in us"

"Goodbye James," I whispered as he turned and walked away from me. No... I pushed him away.