Chapter 46
**Bella-Rose POV**
I woke up groggily to the morning light. I checked the clock beside the bed table only to realize that I had crashed into Sarah's home. After that intense talk, Amanda and I decided to sleep here itself rather than going home with messed-up thoughts. as per ritual, I checked the mail using Sarah's laptop. I quickly typed the mail with the thoughts that are disturbing me.
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifibel@gmail.com
Subject: stranger danger
Dear James,
Last night I had an enlightening conversation with Amanda. She asked me about you. About your background. But the sad thing is other than your age and your relation with Agatha, I was not able to utter a single thing. Why is that, James? Why am I in dark about you?
Why does every time we chat it has to be about myself? we never talk about you! It's always about me and my woes. I never get to know trivial things about you. Your tastes, your habits, likes...dislikes...what makes you, you!
A simple thing like how your day went. About your family or who is important to you? These may look silly to some, but this will help me to know more about you. These are the pages that are present in the closed book that's you, James. Will you let me read them, James?
She also asked me how I was sure that the person who arrived at the hospital is you and not your friend or someone working for you.
Don't doubt for a second that I didn't defend you. I did. But in the light of how we met, I couldn't help but doubt myself; Am I doing the right thing? Is he what he says he is? What if he is doing all this as some kind of entertainment?
Please James, make me understand. I don't know what to follow; my heart that is reminding your kindness or my brain that is analyzing the details you have given me about yourself?
Bella.
[end of the mail]
I poured my heart's content on that mail and clicked sent. Last night's chat made me think a lot of things. I couldn't sleep until early in the morning. Maybe that's the reason I typed about the doubts that are lingering in the corner of my mind.
James's reply was swift as always. But once I read the mail, I regretted my actions. I shouldn't have let Amanda maneuver my thoughts.
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: James.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: you think I will harm you?
Bella,
Amanda is your 80-year-old girl crush?
All I read is Amanda is saying this, Amanda is saying that. You told me what she thinks but not what you feel. What do you feel about me, Bella Moi? Do you think I'm some cheat? An imposter?
Can't you tell from just the sight that it was me? Will I let someone else do my duty? Will I let someone else take charge where you are concerned? If you saw me then why didn't you come down to meet me? I never got the chance to look at you. Yet you were the one who is doubting me. I can also easily question you. Who knows, you may be a middle-aged knitting grandma who likes to pretend she is in her 20's and chats up with a random man?
On a serious note, have you ever wondered what I think about you? What I should think about you yet I don't? You saw my money. My power. Though it may be a glimpse, you got to know about me. When there is a scent of money, people tend to throng around you.
Especially, money-hungry whores who try every single trick in their dirty little books to ensnare you. If that's not possible they then use the personal information- mails, phone calls, texts, whatever they can get their hands on and go to the media. I could have easily ruled you off as another attention-hungry sycophant.
But I didn't.
That thought never crossed my mind since our correspondence. Do you know why? Because deep down in my heart, I feel you. Is that what you want to hear, red? This mail...is this what you are hoping to hear...that I'm more serious about you than anything in my life?
As for my entertainment, don't you think I can procure it with a snap of my fingers if I wish? I'm thinking the world about you and you labeled it so easily as entertainment! How could you?
I was not the one who stopped from entering that hospital. I was not the one who hesitated to meet. I was always upfront about what I want. Was I not clear enough? Do you think I'm joking? I may have wrapped in a pretty little bow but I was always clearer about what I want. You. But if that's not what you want, say it this moment.
I thought by now you would have understood me. The point is not about her questioning my identity. It's what people do. The point is you believe it enough to question me. Question us.
I'm a little disappointed, red. I thought we are going a step forward. But your doubts are holding you as always. Let go, little red. I'm here to catch you. Take a chance on us.
James.
[end of the mail]
I'm DISAPPOINTED. Two simple words. But the impact is humongous. For a girl who prides herself on pleasing people, reading those words felt like a blow to my stomach. My words have hurt him albeit unintentionally. It's still my fault. I shouldn't have let the matter take this direction at all.
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifibel@gmail.com
Subject: I'm sorry
Dear James,
I don't mean to disappoint you. I'm sorry for hurting you. It was never my intention. Forgive me...please? I couldn't express how apologetic I feel. Can you forget my thoughtlessness?
I haven't realized in accusing you I'm behaving like a self-obsessed girl. I'm sorry for not realizing what you must be going through or how you think about me. I forgot that you are on the other side going through the same emotions as I. I was so focused on my feelings, my emotions, my thoughts that I forgot how my doubts may affect you.
As for being an imposter, I don't think you can pull it off even if you try. Your personality won't let you suppress your nature.
About your money- I don't give a fig about it. You may have a golden toilet for all I care. It was never a factor and will never be.
I'm scared James. You may not fear to catch me but I fear to jump into the unknown. This all is new to me. If I take the chance, can you match your sprint to my baby steps?
And lastly, Amanda is not 80-year-old. She will kill you if she hears about this. She has been my 23-year-old friend since childhood.
P. S- We both are in the same boat. I never saw your face. I missed it at the last moment. Maybe fate has some big plans for us.
P.P.S- the money-hungry women you mentioned, do you meet them often? Are they pretty?
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: never question my intention
Bella,
I will forgive you on one condition. Never doubt my intention again. I will not be here if I'm not interested. It's as simple as that. Forgiven and forgotten. Drop that frown from your face.
I noticed you didn't deny having a crush on her. Is there something you want to tell me? On other hand, try to not pay attention to whatever she says regarding me.
As long as we walk together, I don't mind the pace, little red. I'm letting you take the lead. It doesn't mean you will always set the pace. When the time comes, I will grab the reins and you have to follow my footsteps, my Bella. It couldn't come fast enough.
James.
[end of the mail]
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifibel@gmail.com
Subject: Amanda is Amanda.
Dear James,
It's not as easy as you make it sound. Amanda is Amanda. No one can make her listen or stop her from saying anything. But since last night's talk, we got to know more about her. I never thought I could prejudice someone based on their appearance or the way they talk, yet I did that with her. Last night was an eye-opener on many levels.
Before you go hulk on her, yes, I pacified her. I may have doubts but I'm not that person who listens to the bad talk about their closed ones. And Amanda understood me and my feelings.
However, she couldn't help herself but pull one more stunt. She has cajoled me to go to a ball in her office and I had agreed...reluctantly, mind you. But agreed nonetheless.
Now, Rose-Bella James, a baker who has never set foot in an office or for that matter an event of this magnitude is going to a ball. Yikes! wish me luck... on second thought, don't. I’m screwed anyways.
Bella.
[end of the mail]
