Chapter 40

**Bella-Rose POV**

Mathew staggered listening to whatever the doctor said as if poleaxed and completely lost his balance. Before he could crumble away dad caught him around the shoulders. Dad himself looked pained as he heard the condition of Nana.

Looking at them, mom started to cry harder. My condition is no better. I held onto Scott clutching him with my trembling fingers as tears welled up once again. He gently enveloped me in a hug and started to rock on his heels as we both looked at the ensemble on the other side of the glass door.

After a long pause in which time, they both had a silent communication, dad answered something to the doctor. After listening to whatever dad has to say, the doctor soon left them with the papers that dad signed.

Looking grief-stricken, Mathew walked with a wobbling gait towards us as dad supported him on one side. The grief on his face is so strong and pronounced as if he is suffering from nauseating pain. Watching these strong men stumbling, my muscles are taut with unwanted tension, increasing my anxiety tenfold.

I don't want to hear what they are going to say. I want to cover my ears like a child and wish this bad situation to go away. Any moment now, I would wake up from this nightmare. It's like stumbling into a quagmire with no one to help me.

I prayed that we were not late in bringing her to the hospital. That there is still hope. A woman in her '70's, she is vulnerable to any number of things. Is her body strong enough to handle the diagnosis? Can they still treat her, whatever it is, at her age?

"It's...it's all my fault. Whatever is wrong with Nana is because of me", I sobbed as I told Scott and mom.

"It's not your fault, Bells. No one can predict it", Scott tried to comfort me.

"No, Scott. IT IS MY FAULT. I shouldn't have increased her stress. I should have come back to the bakery. I should have fought her decision. If only I haven't been stubborn" if only I haven't been rude and cursed about her mortality.

I would take all those remarks back if I could. Looking back at my behavior, I'm ashamed of myself. Guilt clawed its cruel fingers inside me. When did I become so cruel to take everything for granted? How could I mock Nana?

How can I face myself if something happens to Nana during the surgery? I took a deep breath to clear my mind. My thoughts should not be about me...it should be about Nana. Focus, Bella.

As soon as they came within hearing distance, Mom latched on to dad again. Scott took hold of Mathew, gently releasing himself from my clutches. I folded my arms around myself for lack of a person to latch on to.

Looking at my family huddled together, I feel alone though I'm standing in between them. I'm ashamed of my selfish thoughts, but I need consolation too. Dad is consoling mom...Scott is handling Mathew...and me? I'm sitting alone beside them on this chair idle, with no reprieve from these anguishing thoughts.

"What...what did the doctor say?" Mom asked, searching dad's eyes and disrupting my selfish thoughts.
"Mom has... has a... heart disease. The doc is saying her artery is blocked. It seems serious, Olive. They must take quick action, otherwise, Mom may-", dad stammered, his emotions all over the place.

"Oh my god!!", I gasped as I covered my mouth with my hands.

"Oh, God! Georgia!", Mom wailed as if in pain.

"Wha...what are they going to do?", Scott asked as he looked worriedly through the doors. Though there is nothing we can see other than a balcony through which the doctor passed.

"He is suggesting an... open...open-heart surgery. They are preparing her for the surgery as we speak", dad said with difficulty. His throat was working but he had to swallow a couple of times before saying that.

"Jesus! Oh god! Why her?" The news had overwhelmed me so completely, it was like a bad dream I could not shake off.

"Nana. Is she going to...?", I couldn't voice my fear

"Will she be able to make it? Can she- ", Scott failed to continue as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"What are the chances, dad?" Scott asked once he was able to gain some composure.

We all looked at dad with bated breath hoping for some light in this darkness.

"I don't know, son. I really don't know. Pray for your Nana, son. The lord won't let anything happen to her. She is strong...she will come out of this. We must be strong for her. There is no tougher woman on this earth than her", dad tried to convince us.

Before we could talk anymore, a nurse approached us with a hand full of papers. Dad and Scott soon left us to fill up the forms and clear all the procedures in such cases.

Mathew is sitting alone with misty eyes, his thoughts deeply disturbed. I tentatively approached him and sat beside his chair. Looking at his defeated posture, I couldn't help but give him some hope.

I carefully held his hand and said, "she is going to make it, Mathew. Nothing is going to happen to her. No one was able to beat the Murray family woman. This will also pass", I said the courageous words I wasn't feeling myself.

After that we sat in silence, our thoughts and minds are captive to our innermost fears. Dad and Scott came back after 30 minutes. We all looked hopefully at them for any news.

"They took her inside the operation theatre. It will take 3-6 hours, if...if everything goes according to the plan", dad informed us.

After another hour of waiting, Dad said "Mathew, it's better if you go home. You need rest. It's past midnight. She will need you later. There is no need for everyone to stay awake. It's better if we take turns and wait for her. That way we could be of some help to her when she comes out of the surgery".

"I'm not moving anywhere", Mathew protested.

"I'm not leaving either", I said to dad vehemently, guilt playing a major role in my decision.

"Are you sure, Bella? It may take time. You may have to stay awake the whole night", dad asked.

"Yes. I'm sure. You all go home. I couldn't sleep anyway. I will inform you guys when she comes out. Mom is looking out of sorts. She needs you, dad. Take her home before she falls ill. And Scott you drop Mathew off and stay with him tonight. I will hold the fort here", I took the charge.

"I can come back once I drop off Mathew", Scott suggested.

"No! Stay with him. You might need to check on him", I sounded harsh, but it has to be said.

I then turned to Mathew and said, "go and take a nap, Mathew. It's hard, I know. But she will need your strength tomorrow. If not for me...think of her. She will look at you to guide her. To support her. To be there for her. You are her strength now. And it won't be there if you won't relax now".

Dad looked at me proudly as I delivered my speech. Mathew reluctantly agreed after my family too joined in.

I then turned to Dad and said, "you take care of Mom, dad. Remember what happened with her the last time. She needs you more. Staying here won't achieve anything except her health deteriorating some more.

Let her take her rest dad. She will think clearly in the morning if she has some sleep. Mom is confused now and is experiencing the same things that happened two years ago. Before she relapses and makes her health worse take her away"

"What about you Bella? Can you manage here alone?" Dad asked, looking at the room.

"Sure. It's not like I'm the one who is doing the operation", I swallowed as I tried to lighten up the mood.

"I will manage dad. You take her now" I managed to persuade them.

It took a lot of convincing as each member was reluctant to leave. Finally, after much persuasion, they decided to leave me behind for a while. They all left soon afterward. I checked my watch. It's 1 am.

My brain started to play tricks as I gazed intently and fixedly at whatever my eyes chanced to fall on. Can Nana outmaneuver death? Can the doctor operate on her without any difficulties?

What about later? Will she have any lasting effects? Handling a bakery is not an easy task. Any kind of stress is bad for her heart. And running a bakery is filled with stress. What am I going to do! I sighed.

Before I can fall back into the dark abyss of my thoughts, I unlocked my phone.

I felt exhausted and lost. I need guidance...a light to show me the path. I was drawn to the mailbox like a proverbial moth to a flame. I need assurance...comfort. I need James.