Chapter 93

Bella-Rose POV

"Bella moi"

It was just a whisper. But that was enough for me to know from whom it came from. My heartbeat seemed too loud to my ears. It couldn't be. He wouldn't dare to approach me on a street when he knows what happened in the past.

How could he repeat the same mistake? Yet here he is. My heart jumped in my throat at the sight of him. Standing in front of me... taller than a mountain, stronger than a rock.

No. Not a rock because rock doesn't entice feelings. And the man before me has the power to make me a puppet in his hands.

He has changed. His shoulders drooped as if he was carrying the burden of the world over them. His jaw was unshaven. An air of tiredness circled him.

No, Bella. Don't think about him. He would only hurt you. Hurt and... disappear, I reprimanded myself.

I tried to step aside to move past him. However, his firm grip gently stopped me, pulling me by my forearm. His warm fingers instantly woke desire in me.

I shouldn't feel as such for a married man. Is he still married to HER? Though the thought haunts the dark corners of my mind, I never voiced it out loud in fear of it being true. But looking at him makes me wonder, will he follow one woman while married to another? What will it change? In the end, I was not important enough for him to stick by my side.

I should mind his own business and leave. However, the power he has over my body is curbed, never diminished. He was as intimidating as he was carved by every cell within me.

How can I still feel so strongly for him? I thought I surpassed my attraction to him long ago. All those minutes with my therapist went into the drain with his touch. Pain laced with pleasure ensnared me. It's a kind of torture. Will this never end? Do I want it to end? Before I made myself mad, I twisted my arm in vain to release it from his hold.

"You shouldn't be here," I said, panic rising within me as I scanned the premises looking for any gawkers or by-passers who may be showing more interest than necessary.

"I know," he said without any hint of consternation.

"Then why are you here?" I asked glaring at him curbing the urge to get close to him.

"I need to speak to you," he insisted with stubborn determination framing his face.

"You can't. Whatever you have to say, you lost the chance when you pulled the vanishing act," I sneered, avoiding meeting his eyes to hide the hurt his stunt did to me.

"I have to Bella," James said, touching my chin with his forefinger and lifting my face to meet my eyes. His eyes looked pained.

I closed my eyes, unable to meet the intense gaze. This... this touch. I craved it for so long. Many nights I cried in my sleep for this touch. Oh, why must he be here to crumble my defenses! That too now, when I solaced myself to adjust to my new life.

The corner of my eyes burned. I blinked several times to clear the blurry vision before turning and facing him, losing his touch on my chin in the process.

"No. You took the cowards' way. You left me alone to hear the music. There was a time when all I could think about was 'why!' I was willing to hear your side. To finally receive some answers. But you were nowhere to be seen. YOU. LEFT. ME. I was confused, vulnerable, helpless. I trusted you. How could you leave me so easily?" I said as my chest squeezed painfully in remembrance of the pain I have gone through. A lone tear trailed down my right cheek betraying my feelings.

He merely watched my face, our bodies close, his hand holding my arm in a firm grip, his breath tingling my face. His eyes swirled with deep-seated guilt and sadness as I wiped my cheek with my left hand.

"I was left with no choice. I wanted to protect you. If I stayed near you then the media wouldn't have rested until they slandered your name. And you were in no condition to listen to me. I wanted to give us both some time. It backfired. I wanted you to be calm enough to hear my side," James produced vehemently, unknowingly tightening his hold on my arm.

"Don't you get it? My sangfroid wouldn't have mattered if you just opened up to me before," I rebutted through gritted teeth forgetting the pain his grip is causing me.

"That's why I'm here Bella. I wanted to tell you my divorce has been finalized. I'm free," James said, searching my eyes for any elation. Alas, he will be disappointed.

"Do you think it would make any difference? The problem is not your marital status. The problem is you. You took me for granted," I poked his chest lightly with my forefinger. My finger touched his coat.

A frown appeared between his eyes. He narrowed his gaze as if he had suddenly realized something.

"Say my name Bella," James ordered me. Figures. As always, he chose to ignore my questions.
"Why should I?" I queried, raising my chin stubbornly.

"Damn it, Bella, say my name. I have to hear it from your lips. Please," James asked, running his hands through his hair.

And like always I melted before his 'please'. But I promised myself that I won't budge on anything else no matter what persuasion technique he used on me.

"Have you ever thought about me, James?" I questioned him looking directly into his eyes.
"That's ridiculous. I always think about you," James replied with a scoff.

"No. You don't. If you have then... then you would have known what I will go through when I learned the truth. If you have really cared about me... loved me as you say, then you would have told me the truth yourself. Not shield me from it. I was left vulnerable James. Left to face the vultures with no preparation. You," I pointed to his chest and continued,

"You could have changed that. The truth is, you never trusted me enough to share it. Your thirst to do everything by yourself left me ignorant."

"It's not true Bella moi. I always wanted-"

I cut him off before he could finish. "That's it, James. It's always about what you want. What you need. Not how I feel. You say I'm yours so easily James. You treat me like an asset. A thing that you must have in your possession. Well, screw you, James. This possession has feelings," I thumped my chest harder than intended, getting carried away.

"Have you ever thought that I would have stood beside you if you told me the truth? Or listened to your side? Why do you think I want to cut ties with you?" I queried with quivering lips.
James remained silent over my verbal assault.

"I would have willingly stayed with you knowing you are a married man if only you had given me the chance. One signal James and I would have gladly dived into the flames for you. I would have faced the media and the world for you with my head held high. I loved you that much. So much that I was willing to sacrifice my integrity, my honor. If only you had believed in me as I used to in you. Only once. I would have braved the world for you. But that doesn't matter to you, does it, James? Because you have to do things your way."

I took a long breath and continued,

"You could have talked to me. Share with me like I share my thoughts with you. But that's the thing, James. Our relationship was always only given from my side and taken from yours. You always...always shut me down when I talked about your past. Hell, even on the day you left me on my parents' front porch I knew nothing about you. You were a close book for me, with all your secrets still intact. That's the root cause."

"You don't understand. I have to Bella. If Jacqueline learns about you, she would torture you, " James said a muscle ticking in his jaw.

"Well, newsflash James. It didn't change anything. She already did. You say you see the strength inside me, yet you left me unarmed to face her. I was shattered by James. How could you do this to me? Do you know how many nightmares I have had of you and HER since then? You have no idea what I have gone through imagining the both of you together," I exposed to him a trickle of the pain I felt because of him.

James must have finally understood my seriousness because he unhanded me. I felt a profound sense of loss as he released my hand and stepped back giving me the freedom I asked for. I should feel elated, but I'm not. We are still standing close; except we are not touching. Like always.

"Oh, I have an idea. The same thoughts killed me about you and that bastard since I saw those photos, James said with a clenched jaw not meeting my eyes, his eyes blazing inferno.

"What photos? You know what, forget it. I don't want to be involved in your life's drama again. I'm done," I said, raising my hands. I told him succinctly what I thought of his confidence with a temper and haughty indignation rattling him more.

He stepped towards me and, grasping my upper arms, pulled me against him, his eyes spitting fire at me as he ground out with a growl in the end,

"We are not done by any means. You are and always will be mine. No one can alter it. Say to lover boy to fuck off," James growled in suppressed anger.

This is not James. I never saw him looking at me this angrily. My heart rate increased at his sudden growl, and I could taste a slight tinge of fear like bile on my tongue at the danger he presented. However, reasoning surpassed it making me realize how foolish I'm being. Of course, he won't hurt me.

Gathering my wits, I glared at him and said, "Go. To. Hell. I don't care what you think I must do or not do. Your opinion doesn't matter to me"

"It matters Bella moi. Otherwise, you would have said you don't love me anymore by now"

"Think whatever you want James. I don't have to say anything to prove myself," I said farcical.
He hated the Saccharine smile I produced while talking to him.

His eyes glittered with danger as he stalked towards me. One step. Two steps. With each step of his, I back-pedaled until I hit a wall.

Once again, he cornered me to the sidewall of a store by placing both of his hands on either side of small stature.

He then leaned over me and hissed, "it will never be finished, Bella. Never"

I turned away from him, unable to talk to him anymore. Because what he sensed is true. I couldn't say them.

I don't love you. Four simple words that would release me from his hold forever. And all this drama will be over. Yet the embittered words didn't make the distance to my mouth.

"Leave. Me. Alone," I stressed each word through my teeth looking over his shoulder, not meeting his eyes.

James took a step back from me. One... two... and then suddenly he hit the wall beside him hard enough to scratch his knuckles drawing blood.

"James!" I shouted worrying over his hand as I ran to him and clutched his hand tentatively. Looking at his wound, the tears that I was able to control till now fell without any restriction.

"Why did you?" I said carefully, holding his hand in my hands and examining it, my head bent.

"I got the answer I needed Bella moi. This isn't over between us," James said, clenching his wounded fist. I stood there in shock feeling like a fool for revealing my still present affection for him.

James gave a huge grin as he uttered once again, "this isn't over between us" and turned to his car with a new lightness in his steps.

Yes, I know, I thought to myself.