Chapter 103

I parked the car at the entrance haphazardly and stepped out of it.

My feet slowed down once I reached the front door.

Though I traveled this distance, I couldn't take one more step. I couldn't enter his house without him.

Past bitter memories clouded my mind, of the day when Jacqueline ripped my world apart.
I clenched my fist. It's not about her anymore. But entering his house without him felt wrong somehow.

I need him with me. God! It's like blood in my body. My gut clenched thinking about James.
I dropped on the stairs, careless about how I might look; probably homeless and pathetic. But I don't care.

I circled my knees with my arms and gripped them hard, my eyes never leaving the driveway.
I should check the news, call Amanda for any updates. But all I want to do is stare at the path.
He will come, any moment now. He has to. Because without James there is no Bella.

Slowly, the sounds that can be heard only during the nighttime lessened. Birds chirped. Wind rustled.

The sun's gradual ascent in the dark sky, coloring it with its ambers as if lighting it on fire, did nothing to deter my focus.

An hour passed, two. The time for breakfast came and went. The sounds that are associated with the morning hue are lost as they give away to the afternoon hustle.

Yet I stayed on those steps not moving an inch. My eyes were glued to the driveway.

My phone rang many times since morning. I only checked if it was Amanda or James and let it go to voicemail. It blasted with calls back-to-back as time passed.

But I'm not in a condition to face anyone, to hear anything except James. Childish, I know. But it's him and only him I want to hear.

I can't help myself but entertain the thought of James standing in front of me; safe and sound. A fantasy that I willed to become reality.

The sun started to end its course for the day, gradually descending and darkening the sky in its wake. I felt like that. Dark and empty. With no soul to tether me.

My eyes have long dried. My arms are bruised with the tight grip I'm holding myself. It must have been more than 16 hours since I sat there without food or water.

My vision blackened, I felt dizzy, yet I refused to stop looking. I gave up on him once, even after his constant persuasion. I wouldn't do that again.

He will come any moment now. He will. That's the only hope making me sit there.

I'm still breathing. It means he is alive. I have to believe that. For my own sanity. In my childhood, I refused him, refused what we could have. But no more.

"Please God, just give me one chance. One. I beg you," I pleaded with my parched lips.

My mouth felt dry. My body started to shiver from the sudden coldness. Nausea assaulted my senses. My eyes drooped. I clutched my hands hard, breaking the skin on my palm with my nails to anchor me. Blood seeped from the cut. I gave no attention.

Good. Pain is better than this hopelessness. I can deal with pain.

Pinpricks trickled down my legs. My muscles groaned and protested at my abuse.

In my heart, I'm determined that if I wait long enough then he will come back to me. I have to only wait. Like him. Patiently.

To pass the time, my mind played our interactions in a loop. Each word in the mail played before my eyes. His intense eyes, his stubborn jaw, his possessive stare that laid claim on me before he even met.

My eyes welled up as I thought of him. If only I had a few more minutes with him. I would hold onto him tighter and will never let go.

How must he be? It's been 17 hours for him. Is he in pain? Is he suffering, hungry? Is he... still there? I choked at the pain that gripped my heart.

No. He is alive. He is on his way. I have to believe that.

He believed in me, in us, time and time again. I have to do the same. I must believe in him, in his tenacity to get what he wants.

It must be a belief or some divine intervention but a car started to trail down the driveway fast towards me.

I stared at the car as it drove nearer and nearer to where I sat. Hope in my eyes. I didn't blink, afraid I might miss something vital.

The back door opened before the car came to a halt and James leaped striding on his long legs, covering the distance to where I sat.

Looking at the magnificent person before me, the air left my lungs that I was unaware of holding. He is here... alive.

His name passed my lips in reverence. I stood on my wobbled legs after sitting so long. My hands shivered as I extended them to touch him. To confirm that he is not an illusion my tired brain conjured.

The car left as fast as it came, giving us a bit of privacy.

"You look terrible," he whispered, sensing the mood, that if he said it out loud then everything would become real.

"You must see the other guy," I choked, trying to laugh, only it came as a cry.

"My brave Bella," he covered the distance between us, standing within reach.

"No James. I'm a coward. I was so scared. So scared that I lost you"

"You could have easily hidden in your room Bella. Yet here you are, waiting to hear from me. Waiting for me," James said with a satisfaction that is hard to miss.

"I can't stay there. Not knowing what's going to happen. What's happening... I need to feel close to you somehow," I hiccuped, a sob leaving past me as the terror that has gripped me so long, slowly seeped out of me.

"Hey... I'm here," he lifted his hand and cradled my jaw in his hands.
I gazed at him tracing his face, his eyes, his mouth.

"I went to your home. Everyone is looking for you"

Elation spread through me. He went to my home. Looking for me. He still cares for me. Still wants me.


"I thought they are looking for you"
"I mean your family"

I should feel guilty but his presence is making everything else insignificant.
"Are they worried?" I bit my dry lip.

"I let them know you are here. But it's better if you call them later"

"How?" I asked with a frown and then realized; he must have informed his driver to let my family know after seeing me here.

"Are you... are you hurt?" I scanned his body for any visible wounds.

"No. The communication got cut off due to the storm. Nothing big. It was just mild turbulence. We landed in an open area, before any danger may occur. It took us this long to return. It's just a nuisance more than anything else," James said with a scowl.

"Thank god! Thank god!"
"You were sitting here all day?" James asked, his mouth tightened.

"I was waiting for you"
"Have you had anything to eat? To drink?"

I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. My silence answered his questions.
"Why didn't you enter? Why did you stay outside? Anything could have happened to you here," James said, his mouth in a tight line, cupping my jaw.

"I can't... I can't go inside. Not without you," I mumbled, a tear trailing down my eye and landing on his hand.

James took me in his arms, hugging me tightly.

"You fool. If something happened to you-"

"I can't live without you, James. I'm just a statue without you," I said clutching his coat tight in my hands.
"What am I going to do with you!"

I can't get close to him fast enough. I want more. I want his scent on my body, his essence inside me. I want to feel him everywhere. I have lived a lifetime in these few hours. I'm done pushing him away.

I'm done hiding behind my insecurities. Every second is precious to him. I have to grasp it with both my hands and live to the fullest. With a sudden shyness, I wet my lips. I don't have the courage to meet his eyes and say what I want to say yet.

"Make me yours," I whispered on his chest. James sucked his breath. I leaned back to gaze at his eyes.

He groaned looking at the desire in my eyes as if it's very hard for him to not give into me.
He must think me mad. Think I'm being needy, not in my right state of mind to know what I want. But that's not true. I know what I want. Now, I have to make him know.

"Please James. I sat hours waiting for you, dreading every moment. I can't wait any longer. I need you. I need you inside me. I have to assure myself that you are," I swallowed the lump that formed on my throat before continuing, "that you are real and not a figment of imagination my crazy brain conjured. Please, James. Take me. Make me remember that I'm alive. Make me feel alive with you"