Chapter 100

A sound from the direction where Chris lay made me register that Chris was two feet away, heading everything that conspired between James and me.
I groaned internally, but outwardly I rushed towards him, bending to support him. Chris held me as he struggled to stand upright.

He winced as the pain registered. I don't know why but I mumbled a "sorry" to him.

I feel guilty that his discomposure is because of me. Chris may not show it but he is a proud man. And someone came and crumbled his pride to dust by beating the daylights out of him in front of me.

More than anything his ego is hurt. I chewed my bottom lip as I contemplated on how to explain my relationship with James, where to begin?

Chris however, unlike his usual personality, kept quiet throughout our walk to the parking lot only taking my hand for support.

Once inside the car, however, I couldn't hold back. I turned to him and said, "Chris I'm sorry for what James did to you. He could be stubborn and possessive sometimes," though it is all the time, I didn't add that. I don't want him to know how well they know each other. Call me stupid, but I don't want to rub it in his face.

"He was only trying to protect me," I continued lamely
.
"He is the one, isn't he?" Chris asked not to look at me.

I tried to meet his eyes, but he avoided me. Giving it up, I turned to the window and mumbled a small, "yes... he is the one."
"That explains it, doesn't it?"

I turned to him once again with a frown. Explain what?

"Why you won't let me come near you, why you don't kiss me back," Chris said, his eyes conveying resignation.

I opened my mouth but couldn't utter a coherent word.

I must have looked like a gaping fish. He didn't say anything else as he started the car and drove.

After some time, I couldn't take the silence any longer. I bit the inside of my lip and said tentatively, "Chris... I... I have to say something"

A muscle in his jaw ticked. But other than that, he focused on his driving. This intense look on him is new and currently making me uncomfortable. But I have to do it.

Finally, he gave a defeated sigh. "Are we doing this?" He turned to me for a second, one side of his mouth lifted slightly up in a sad smile.

He maneuvered the car to the side of the road, cutting the engine in the process.

He gave a resigned sigh, his shoulders stooped as he turned to me and prompted, "what do you want to tell me? Let me guess... you can't continue our relationship. You didn't find any sparks and I'm just a bore. Does that cover everything?"

"Chris... I... I'm sorry," I looked at my clasped hands, my knuckles white.

"No. Don't be. I AM sorry. For taking advantage of you when you were vulnerable. You didn't want that kiss, did you?" His grip on the steering wheel tightened.

I shook my head, unable to convey them in words and hurt his feelings.
"Thought so. I'm sorry Rose. I was so excited you were leaning on me that I ruined it. I didn't mean to hurt you, Rose. It was never my intention. I was caught up in the moment. Can you forgive me?"

Shame laced my cheeks. Here is the guy asking me to forgive him because he kissed me, his girlfriend, and I cheated on him.

I bent my head, trying to hide my face, and whispered, "there is nothing to forgive Chris. You were just trying to kiss your girlfriend. How would you know I'm not into it?"

Chris shook his head and replied, "a guy knows Rose. That's why your guy hit me. Because I was being a jackass. I was trying to force you into accepting me. I'm pushing my will on you and that is wrong of me."

"He is not my guy Chris. You might have heard our conversation," I blurted, ignoring his admittance. In my current state, I don't want to dissect his statement.

"Oh... he is very much your guy Rose. You just don't see it. Don't worry. From what I gathered, he can be patient," Chris accepting my decision not to talk about his previous behavior.

"I..." I tried to refute his claim but he interrupted me and said, "Who are you trying to convince Rose, me or yourself? Anyways, it's your decision to make"
I shut my mouth. Silence ensued in the car that is nothing like the comfortable one we used to have.

As my place neared, Chris idled the car and said, "we don't have to be awkward about what happened. I can gracefully back down. But that doesn't mean we can't be friends. What do you say?"

"Do you think you can find it in your heart to forgive me? I shouldn't have led you on. I could have stopped you at any time but I was using you as a crutch and that was bad of me"

"There is nothing to forgive Rose. It's my fault that I didn't see what's right in front of me. You were never into me. I'm afraid I was tempted to try and scoop you away. I got burnt but I never regretted being with you. You are one of a kind, Rose. Don't change for anyone."

"Thanks, Chris, for everything. You are the best friend anyone could ask for," I squeezed his arm and let myself out.

Though things seem to be restrained between us, I believe with his usual charm, Chris will once again be the Center of attention in my family. But this time as my friend. Only as a friend and nothing more.

Suddenly I felt tired, emotionally drained. What a night! It started out as a date, then James grabbed me... my heart fluttered in reminiscence, then Jacqueline's cutting words, Chris's kiss, James and Chris's fight, and finally here, breaking up with him.

I feel like I have lived an eternity in this one night. I broke up with two people tonight- one whom I'm dating and the other who wants to date me. Both are proud men who don't want to back out but did. For me.

I massaged my forehead firmly. This is too much for my poor heart. I decided that it's better to be single than risk my heart once again.

Whoever said that to get over a guy you have to get under another is wrong. He/she is not talking from experience, trust me.

A week passed without any news from anyone. Chris thankfully didn't burst my mom's balloon, letting her live in her la-la land giving me some time. That Sunday night I called for reinforcement in the form of Sarah and Amanda.
The girls didn't disappoint me. They arrived with booze and I made fried chicken southern style.

We were on our third... or is that fifth? Round when Amanda turned and prompted, "so?"

"So.... soooo.... sooo," Sarah giggled, completely wasted.

She is not the one to drink so wastefully. Don't take it wrong, by the end of the night we all will be wasted but Sarah took it to another level by drinking five rounds in 30 minutes.

"What's wrong with her?" I asked Amanda, hoping to get some time before dropping the tangled mess that is my love-life.

"Don't know. She has been behaving strangely for two days," Amanda shrugged her shoulders. Guilt clenched my insides. Here I'm dwelling on my petty problems while Sarah is also going through unrequited love. My brother is an idiot. If I could volunteer him as a test subject for some scientist, I would gladly sign him away.

I said the same thing out loud. "My brother is an idiot."

For once, Sarah didn't spring and defended him. I chewed my lip as I looked at her. She is not even listening, going through the bottle as if it's water.

Deciding to talk to her later, I sighed and related to Amanda what happened last week.

"Talk about stalking your ex," Sarah replied with cross-eyes and then snorted.
"I have nothing to say. Wow. She really is a bitch. You should have rebuked her"

"I couldn't. I stood there like a statue. It happened so suddenly; I don't know what to do. Before I can process, she opened her mouth and bulldozed over me"

"Poor you," Amanda tapped my hand. That is as far an emotion she can muster. I don't blame her. She knows about me. If I had responded to Jacqueline, then she would have been shocked. This... this is normal for me.
I sighed trying to diffuse those sad thoughts.

"Do you think they came together to the ball?" I asked the question which was eating me slowly.

"If so, don't you think she would flaunt it to everyone?" Amanda queried, for once being the voice of reason.

"True," I slumped and took another swig.

After some time, "Is he really divorced?" Amanda asked with a calculating look, leaning forward.

"I don't know... I don't know anything about anyone anymore"
"That's too many any's," Sarah giggled in her bottle.

"He is not the kind to lie. I think he really is single now," Amanda said, holding her alcohol better than Sarah and me. After all, she had practice.

"I don't care. That chapter of my life is over... finished. Burned. Kaput," I flayed my arms dramatically.

"Boom," Sarah made a booming noise and giggled as if it's funny.
"Sarah, I think you should slow down honey," Amanda said, noticing Sarah for the first time.

"I second that," I raised my hand though I'm also drunk now as I started seeing fairies and tinker bell's swirling around us.

"No... no... I need this. This is my baby," Sarah whined while Amanda struggled to dislodge the bottle from her grip.

"Give me the booze Sarah," Amanda tried to snatch it with both of her hands.
"I need it more than you," Sarah wailed.

"Why?" I asked with my finger on my chin and a silly grin on my face.
"Because... because my boss asked me on a date and I agreed," Sarah dropped the bomb and burped loudly.

"What!" Amanda dropped her grip making Sarah lose control and falling on her ass.
"Huh?" I asked the fairies if they understood anything.