Chapter 42
**Bella-Rose POV**
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: we must work on your reading comprehension
James,
I need to buy you a dictionary. Maybe then you will learn the meaning of "NO".
Please don't drive here. I'm not going to meet you. I swear I will hide somewhere if you step foot inside of this hospital. You have given into me once... can't you do it again?
You understand that I want to stay here for Nana, right? Please don't make me leave from here. I don't want to. Drive back to your place. Please...for me.
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: NOT FAIR RED
Bella,
You make a hard bargain, Bella Moi. You don't have to leave the place you want to be in. Not for me.
Just answer my question- Why are you seeking comfort from me, a person you haven't met, rather than your family?
Why are you staying alone in the hospital right now? Where is your family? As far as I know, the surgery is still going on. It may take another 3-4 hrs. for them to bring your Nana out. Anything could happen in the meanwhile. It's a crucial time. People lose sleep thinking over it if it happens to someone close to them. Yet your family went home to rest.
How can they leave you both alone at a time like this? It doesn't sound like your family at all. What am I missing? And no diverting the topic.
James.
[end of the mail]
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: do we have to talk about this?
James,
Are you this blunt with everyone? There is no big issue here as you are hinting. Mom couldn't handle herself in such situations. She breaks down and cries so hard that her health takes a toll. It happened when my grandma (mom's mother) died suddenly two years ago. It will be hard on dad if she too collapses.
And Mathew may look strong but he is not. Though he met Nana only a few days ago, they connected instantly. We all thought it would be better for him to go home rather than stay here and increase his blood pressure every minute. So, Scott went to drop him off.
And before you start on Scott too, let me tell you, he offered to return. But going all the way to Nana's home and coming back at 2 am only to wait here sounded senseless. He would be more helpful in the morning. I want them to relax and be there for Nana when she wakes up. We all thought it's best to take turns. It is no big deal, so don't make it into one.
And anyway, how do you know about all this stuff; About my family and how they usually are? For that matter about the hospital? I never mentioned its name. Are you some kind of hacker?
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[ mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: what did I tell you about lies?
Bella,
Say that bullshit to someone who believes. Not me. I want the whole truth, not some half-baked facts. I won't ask you again. If I have to repeat it one more time, you know what will happen.
What am I or how I know this stuff doesn't matter right now! We are concentrating on you tonight. Stick to that.
James.
[end of the mail]
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: loneliness
James,
"What am I or how I know this stuff doesn't matter right now"<- we will see about that. I'm not crossing "stalker" from my list until you clear some of the things.
The unpolished truth about my life which I never discussed with anyone (You better remember that)-
Have you ever felt alone while standing in a crowd? Like, you don't belong there... The odd one who was left hanging? I felt like that today.
It's selfish of me to even think like this, especially now, but when the news hit us, I couldn't find solace.
Don't take me wrong, my family is great. They love me. It's just... they don't understand me. They created this mold of Bella in their minds, and the funny thing is I even tick all these characteristics they pictured, but sometimes I want to reshape that mold.
Not just my family...but people, in general, take me for granted. They tend to forget about me. I'm like one of those pieces of furniture; sturdy and reliable. Once bought, shoved nicely in a corner and forgotten. There is nothing worse than not being noticed.
Bella can do it...Bella won't mind. Sometimes, I have an urge to scream so loud saying, "what about Bella? Have you considered what she wants?"
I want to paint out of these lines they drew around me. But... I fear...I fear they might be disappointed. I might break their hearts if they realize what their behavior is doing to me.
I'm telling you all this not because I'm scared you may drive here. But because I want to share it with someone who can understand. I felt like you might be that person. A girl doesn't share her innermost thoughts easily. Don't break my trust, James.
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: Re: loneliness
Bella,
I noticed Bella Moi. You may stand among thousands and I can still pinpoint you with my eyes closed. I won't vouch for others but for me...you are unforgettable red. I can never forget about you. Not in this lifetime.
Speaking about your family dynamics I won't interfere. You know them better. Just remember that I'm here outside, for you. Now wipe out that frown I'm sure is there on your face.
Do you have a list of me? What else is there on it? You pout at my teasing yet you think about me so much that you have to write a list! I'm deeply satisfied little red.
James.
[end of the mail]
My heart fluttered after reading the mail. It felt like thousands of butterflies decided to do a parade inside my stomach. I couldn't stop the blush that painted my cheeks even if I wanted to. Who says stuff like this nowadays?
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: my poor eyes.
James,
Stop smirking. I can see the flash of your teeth from here.
Oh ya, there is a list. Till now I came up with- hacker, stalker, closer mind reader, fortune teller, secret wizard. I will tell you if anything new is added to the list.
What outside?
Almost-blinded by your shiny teeth,
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: look outside the window.
Little red,
I'm outside of the hospital. But...I won't step foot inside of it. Just as you want.
About that list...it's better not to say anything. Fortune teller! Mind reader! Wizard! Only you can think among these lines, Bella.
James.
[end of the mail]
I read the mail twice. Oh my god!!! He is here. Right now!! Outside of this very hospital. My heart galloped inside my rib cage. The pace of my heartbeat increased exponentially.
With shaky legs, I slowly approached the nearest window. I was suddenly conscious of my attire. But nothing can be done about it. My palms started to sweat. I tucked my wayward hair back as I tried to wipe the sweat on my shorts.
I'm currently on the third floor of this building. I stopped one step away from the window. It's faced towards the main entrance. You will have a clear view of the entrance gate and the parking lot from this angle. I slowly covered the distance to the window and with shaky fingers, I parted the curtain just a bit.
And as said, there is an expensive car parked at the entrance right in front of the "No Parking" board. No security guard is blowing a whistle to move the car. It looked like they were speaking to someone important. Their posture is respectful to the point of bowing to the person inside the car.
A doctor swiftly rushed outside the hospital towards the car. He spoke similarly to the guard. Within minutes the doctor returned inside the building as did the guard. But the car is still there. My curiosity peaked after watching this.
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: Who are you?
Dear secretive person,
Are you some kind of undercover agent? Or in the mafia?
Gasp. A movie Star!
What sort of man can garner such respect and immediate action from others? What are you?
Curiously,
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: height of ridiculousness
Bella,
Funny, the last time my doctor checked, he said I'm a perfectly normal human being.
As much as I love to hear your thoughts, I'm afraid you may damage some part of your brain with your thinking process. It's better for you not to think about my profession or to wonder who I am?
James.
[end of the mail]
[mail from Bella to James]
To: james.aonal@gmail.com
From: iamfifbel@gmail.com
Subject: did you just call me dumb?
James,
You are blunt, rude, and a thousand other things. But I didn't say any of those. Yet you call me dumb?
You, sir, must practice be being kind and polite. I can give you lessons if you want.
Bella.
[end of the mail]
[mail from James to Bella]
To: iamfifibel@gmail.com
From: james.aonal@gmail.com
Subject: I'm not dumb enough to call you dumb.
Bella,
What do you think about this? That's why I'm politely asking not to pressurize your brain. I don't have any death wish to call you dumb to your face/mailbox.
As for me being kind- no comments. However, you must practice saying "no". Especially to the ones who presume about you.
James.
[end of the mail]
