Chapter 39
ANTARTECES
God! If someone is up there. Listening to me, please... please wake me up from this dream. It is like real and I am scared. Please help me. I don't want to lose my family. Please if you are hearing me please help me. Have mercy on me.
"You filthy bitch! You are no use to us now. Now leave my house and never come back!" she shouted and the woman grab me by my arm and pull me. I was pulling my arm from her grip but she was too strong compare to my slim body.
Back then, maybe the gods are in no favor of me. Look at me now. In the brink of being a beggar and normal person. Struggling everyday I woke up and preparing my body for the quest. I guess even the gods hates me. What a cruel world I am living at. Why can't I just be a dead person so I can have my inner peace forever? But what can I do this is maybe the play of my life so maybe I should just get along with it and play it until I die... until it is game over for me.
But even though I am thankful of having this friends of mine. A speck of blessing from the above telling me that I should go on with my life. Maybe there is a god that is somehow in favor of me. Maybe that day he hears me. One day I walk where my home was, I misses them. But I ended up hurting myself and crying in the corner. They were so happy like a perfect family that I was once have. I was there once. What am I doing? Why am I doing this to myself? I am just hurting myself and giving myself more a pity other than the word struggle. I bet the gods up there and the gods below are even laughing at me. They are laughing at how miserable I am now. Well, here is what I am telling you.
"You don't deserve to be a God."
I was walking to my work at Jollibay with a heavy heart that I don't even know why. I look at the shoes that the twins bought and smiled. Somehow I am blessed though but the jinx are all over me. My shift starts at ten in the morning and ends in five in the afternoon but here I am walking at eight in the morning. I am early as to what I have expected.
I reminisce all the things that had happened to me. Maybe the gods just let me taste the feeling of being in heaven and they immediately just took it away in a snap of their fingers and all of it was gone. Am I that so easy to replace? I know they loved me, they cared for me. I don't believe that I am just a subject that they adopted for the people or couple that are having a problem of having a child. It is like I will be their stress reliever or something that can help them grow or to help them in their needs to relieve so that they can be able to have a baby. An insane way of process because they are using a child just for their sake and put it in the trash if they want to get rid of it already. We are not a thing but somehow a child was adopted and took the child as their own. And whoever that child is a lucky one, unlike me who is very unlucky of everything. This world had such a thing huh, they have no conscience.
Wind brushes my hair which cause me to look up at the sky. It was so blue like an infinity view to look at. That you were swinging to an image that you are looking at as the wind blows your hair and seeps through your skin, touches your cheeks and kisses your lips. What if one of the angels are looking at me now and wondering what the hell my situation is. Maybe the angel would just shake it's head and ignore me and find a person that who is worthy of it's time. I am such a loser even though in angels I imagine myself in a miserable way.
If the god up there doesn't approve my existence in life then why not the below. The god underneath where I am standing at. Is he looking at me and thinking of such a thing or maybe one of his devils are examining me? I think I might gone crazy of thinking this things. It just runs in my head that I don't even understand why the heck did I go through to think this way. And sometimes in my dreams there this strange thing that keeps coming and I don't even understand why. But every time I got into that dream and every time I wake up there were tears in my eyes and I was there wiping my tears away for no reason. It gives me shivers down through my spine and ache in my heart.
"Stop it Antarteces! You are just making yourself look more pitiful and like a lost soul in a kingdom of nowhere. Yes, I feel like I am lost and I don' belong here. It is like... I feel like I belong in my dreams. I feel the belonging of my soul there rather here. And that man, that man that always in my dream. The one that I always talked too. I feel my heart was beating insanely to him and also feeling the pain. I feel like I am that woman who he is talking to. Tss... why I am even thinking such a thing. A fantasy that I wish it would come true whoever he is. Maybe he is my prince," I softly laugh at the last part that I blurted out. great I am acting like a crazy woman walking in the street talking to myself and at the same time laughing.
"Who are you..."
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