Without Feeling

Lavelle tried to continue eating her dinner well even though it felt like she was queazy and no appetite. Even so, she felt so bad when she saw Christelle and Liza, who looked confused because she wasn’t like usual. Suppose she saw a special black pepper fried chicken dish made by Liza. There is something that makes Lavelle dizzy right now, her relationship with Theophile. Which is the more attached, like stamps and glue. But, Lavelle was still not sure what he should do in the future.

Yet, for her, Theophile was like a fantasy she couldn’t get. On the other side, the comfort Theophile gave her was wonderful. But, it is still challenging to do. Even as many people would deny that they were together, this was through a painful reality.

Christelle thrust a spoonful of black pepper fried chicken onto Lavelle’s plate. Who had been silent and didn’t answer every question she asked.

“Have you fought for the first time?” asked Christelle glancing at Lavelle and Theophile.

“We’re fine, Mom,” Lavelle answered Christelle’s question. 

“Your face has been pouting ever since. What’s wrong? Is there anything you want to say?” continued Liza, “You’re too used to keeping your own grief until you get hurt again. Why are you doing that? Tell us your complaint.”

“It’s going to be a bit of a hassle, and it’s not a big deal.”

“No matter how small a problem, there’s nothing wrong with us being open with each other, right?” Liza chimed in again.

“That’s right. But I don’t think I can tell you about it right now.” Lavelle nodded in understanding what her older sister had said.

“Aunt Christelle, Auntie’s dish is very good. I’ve always loved the special cuisine of this house that is so continental of perfect delicacy. Tomorrow afternoon we’ll be back home. Doesn’t Aunt Christelle mind?” Mark mediated their conversation.

“Why are you in such a hurry to return to your homes? You’ve only been here for two days.” With a sad tone, Christelle answered Mark’s words.

Mark stole glances at Theophile, who was sitting across from him. Occasionally feed pasta into his mouth, and it looked like they were telecommunications. After a while, Mark sighed and said to Christelle they’d have a family meeting tomorrow.

“If you are going to have such a meeting with your extended families, why did you bring Lavelle and Daniela along?” Liza asked, a little chilly with a fork aimed at Mark.

“Actually, I’m going to introduce the two of them as potential new members to our extended family, and isn’t that fun? Next time, I will invite you to attend this big meeting.” Theophile answered in a tone that was quite firm, even looking very dignified as a leader.

Christelle took a deep breath amidst the anxiety was visible on her middle-aged face. She looks afraid of being ignored by her youngest daughter. Who is a relationship with a man so established and seemed mature.

One thing that haunts her is when her youngest daughter feels sick alone as a mother is not by her youngest daughter’s side. But wanting to try several times to ban a romantic relationship isn’t easy enough. Because her youngest daughter has almost spent half her life hating men, and it is unlikely that she will destroy her youngest daughter’s new world for the umpteenth time.

“I understand this is very important to you, Theo. I’m not forbidding you to introduce each other’s families, but, you guys will be here more often, right?” Christelle asked.

“Of course, Auntie,” Mark replied excitedly.

Christelle didn’t answer yet, and she nodded, understanding what they meant. She would only go with her youngest daughter to go outside when she wanted to go back to Theophile’s house. A little message so that her youngest daughter could take care of herself by Theophile’s side.

“Only continue our dinner. We’ll talk later after dinner.”

+++

Two hours after dinner was over, they returned to their respective rooms to rest. But, not with Lavelle, who had been awake since yesterday often she didn’t do anything until three in the morning. Theophile could stay silent, trying to read Lavelle’s thoughts. Which he couldn’t possibly read.

A book in Lavelle’s hand was out of shape in Lavelle’s hand. Theophile didn’t understand what book Lavelle was holding at that time. It wrapped in a leather cover in a retro style, thick like a bible. But not likely to be a religious book to read to kill Theophile.

“It’s ten o’clock in the evening, aren’t you sleepy?” scolded Theophile then.

Lavelle took a deep breath long enough for the veins in her neck to be visible. “I’m thinking about something.”

“What is that? If you want to talk to me about something, don’t hesitate. I will try to be a good listener so that you feel comfortable talking to me too.”

“I don’t understand why you feel so concerned about me.”

“Because you are my soul mate, and I’m so hurt when I see you pensive like that.”

“Haven’t you ever felt so hurt when you saw your daddy taking a picture with another woman. And the photo was so affectionate? Until now I still can’t forget it, it hurts so much to know a big fact that my Mom hurt for years.”

Theophile approached and took the book in Lavelle’s hand without opening it. He understood there must be something in the book, and it had something to do with Lavelle’s past. Which was too bad to remember.

“I’ve seen it before and it’s hard to say I’m not hurt. As a descendant of the kingdom, a king has a concubine is an announcement to multiply their lineage later. My Mom was the first wife, and I was the third child. At that time I was too young to understand what I had to do until I finally understood… everything is destiny.” Theophile with a sad tone answered Lavelle’s words.

That hoarse tone seemed to shake Lavelle’s mind. She wanted to cry for a moment even though she could now lean on Theophile’s shoulder. It was like a nail had been stuck in the pit of her heart since nineteen years ago. And she felt unable to take it alone because it was so painful.

Theophile quickly gripped Lavelle’s hand a little tighter. “Tell me whatever you want.”

“Why are some people in the world so cruel? Having no feelings and all.”

“I don’t understand either but, I hope I can understand you and can take you further out of your trauma.”

Their conversation stopped when a knock startled them both. Lavelle quickly wiped her tears and opened her bedroom door, with steps. Meanwhile, Theophile put the book back down and came over to Lavelle.

“Sorry, am I bothering you?” Christelle came with a red velvet box that I don’t know what it contained. She only smiled with sadness in front of Lavelle.

“What’s in that box, Mom?” asked Lavelle curiously.

Christelle fell silent, then thrust the red velvet box at Lavelle. “Wear this when you attend that meeting.”

“But why?” asked Lavelle then, “It’s yours, I can’t take it.”

“Lavelle, take this. Let’s only say this is a little protective for you.”

Lavelle opened the velvet box and was surprised. She saw several gold necklaces that were very pleasing to the eye. The gold necklaces with quite a lot of diamonds sprinkled. Also a savings book pocket.

“Mom, why did you leave this to me?” asked Lavelle.

Christelle sighed. “Use it to live out there.”

Lavelle shook her head and returned the velvet box to Christelle. “No, Mom.”

“Use it in case. Don’t worry about mom here,” said Christelle.

“Mom....”

“Listen to me, Lavelle.”