The Hidden Cry

"Lucien? Lucien? Lucien...!"

"Witch...!" His screams immediately jolted from his sleep. Lucien opened his reddened eyes at the sudden awakening.

He saw his mother's face which looked very angry, the woman looked at him sinisterly as if she wanted to hit him.

"M...Mother?" He stammered. He always found it difficult every time he had to call his mother's name.

The woman he called mother approached him who was still sitting on the bed. This time while holding an empty beer bottle. He smelled the pungent odor from his mother's body that made him want to vomit.

"M-Mother, y-you st-smell!" He said while covering his nose.

"What did you say? You damn brat! How dare you say I stink?"

"B-but, Mother-"

Plaaak...

A hard slap flew right across his cheek. Lucien was shocked, he slowly started to feel a burning pain on his cheek.

"S-it hurts-"

"You damn brat...! Why don't you just die? You son of a bitch...! I want you to die! Just watch, I will definitely kill you...!"

The woman screamed hysterically as she gave the little Lucien body and face countless blows. Lucien tries to protect his face from being attacked by his mother who is drunk and under the influence of heroin.

"M-Mother, I-please stop! S-spare me...!" He sobbed as he was unable to stop his mother from hitting him harder.

The woman continued to beat him non-stop until her heart was satisfied. This poor little boy had to give up his body as an outlet for his mother's anger.

"You bastard...! Why did I give birth to you if in the end he still dumped me? It's all because of you, you unlucky boy! You're dead...!"

The cursing and hitting he gave would only stop if Lucien was no longer crying or making groaning sounds. With all his might he endured the pain all over his body so that his mother would stop by itself.

True, the woman finally stopped when her hand started to hurt from continuously hitting her son for 15 minutes. He began to feel dizzy and immediately fell asleep just like that.

Lucien peeked at his mother's sleeping state before finally letting her tears fall down her face.

"Hiks..." He sobbed. His face and body were covered in bruises, even fresh blood came out of his nose.

He was in so much pain that he wanted to die. However, he wasn't ready to leave his mother alone because her mother was the only person who would cry if he left.

"Don't leave me! I really need you! I beg you, Lucien! I'm sorry! You know I never wanted to hurt you, right?"

Yes, that's the sentence that will come out of his mother's mouth if he has regained consciousness from the influence of alcohol and drugs. Lucien looked up at his mother's face and met her sad eyes.

His heart ached when he saw his mother cry and he wanted to be someone who would always wipe away his mother's tears whenever her mother cried.

"I-it's okay, Mother! I-I'm fine, s-really. Don't cry! I-I love you, Mother."

Her little hands that were full of wounds became the only hands that touched this woman with sincere love. His little son who is still five years old is the only person in this world who wants to accept him.

Her tears flowed as she realized how much pain she had caused to her poor son's body. He didn't know what he was actually doing and why could he do this cruel thing?

That night, when his son was fast asleep. He stood looking at himself in front of a cracked mirror. She knew that she had failed as a mother to Lucien. He failed at everything and he made Lucien have to bear such a heavy burden.

He walked over to his son who was fast asleep in bed. He chose to give up when he realized that he would not be able to recover from his addiction to alcohol and heroin. Her life had been ruined and she couldn't allow her son to bear the shame of having a mother like her.

"I'm sorry, Lucien! I'm really sorry for not being able to be a good mother to you. I'm sorry for having to let you be born into this cruel world? I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" He said while holding a rope and he wrapped it around his son's neck.

"Ugh..." Little Lucien gasped as he felt a choking feeling on his neck. He opened his eyes and saw his mother's tear-streaked face, looking at him with a sad look.

He couldn't do anything but try to let go of the rope that was choking his neck while thrashing around and kicking whatever was near him.

"M-Mother-" he said breathlessly. Her face was starting to turn blue and she could feel her mother's tears trickling down her face.

He could no longer hold it in until slowly his strength began to weaken and his consciousness began to disappear.

He could no longer see his mother's face which was slowly disappearing from his eyes which began to blur. He could still hear only the sound of his mother's crying until everything turned dark and quiet.

"Lucien...! Wake up, honey! I made your favorite food!"

"Mother?"

The sound returned. Lucien opened his eyes slowly. He felt tightness and pain in his neck and chest. But he realized that he had just woken from his sleep.

He didn't see the sad face or hear his mother's cries anymore. In this room there was only him alone.

"M-Mother...?"

He tried to call his mother when he did not feel her presence. He opened the door to his room and stepped out carefully. He doesn't know where his mother has gone, but he hates being left alone.

He decided to go back into his room and draw something in his sketchbook to give to his mother as an apology.

After the painting was finished, he decided to return to find his mother. But what he saw would be something he could never forget for the rest of his life.

He saw his mother hanging from the stairs by the rope that the woman had strangled him with three hours ago. His face had turned blue and his eyes were wide as if they were about to pop out of their sockets, with the exact same look on his face when his mother was mad at him.

"M-Mother? Mother...!"

***

"Father?"

"Hah?"

Lucien gasped when he heard a daughter's voice calling him father. A few seconds ago his mind returned to the painful memories he had in the past about the only parents and family he had, namely his mother.

His heart was beating fast as if he still felt the same sensation when he was still alive as a human that sometimes until now he still finds it hard to believe that he is dead.

Lucien turned his head to the side, where the little brown haired girl was looking at him nervously. In his hands he held a drawing book.

"Pevita?"

"I-I, I-" he stammered. Lucien sighed, he remembered what Renata said about how they should behave.

"This little girl is not close to her parents because they are too busy to have children. Because of that they often neglect her."

Those were the words he remembered the most. From behind the window, he could see Renata standing in the garden talking to someone on her cell phone. Lucien that maybe it was an order from Keith about what they should do next.

"You want to say something?"

"T-that, i-I d-draw a-something. Would you d-see it?" She asked hopefully even though she looked shy.

"Okay, let me take a look!"

The girl gives her drawing book in which she draws a happy family, where there is a father, mother and son. Lucien was a little confused because there was clearly no picture of a girl in it.

"What's this?"

"Y-our family!"

"Just the three of them?"

"Dad, Mum and Jimmy."

"How about you?"

"I-I-"

Suddenly his face turned sad, he began to look down with wet eyes. The girl tried to hold back her tears. Lucian felt vulnerable, this girl's face reminded him of how he used to be when he was little.

Unwanted, unloved and ignored. A feeling of loneliness that made him really want to die. He could understand this little girl's feelings and it was very painful.

"Give me the crayons!" he asked. Pevita gives her pink crayon. Lucien immediately drew a little girl holding hands with her father.

"Th-this?"

"It's you and daddy too! Your mom and brother are holding hands together." he said.

The little girl's face changed again, but turned very bright. He looked so happy and then cried because he was too happy.

Lucien pulled her body and hugged her, rubbing her back to calm her down. The girl sobbed in his arms while clutching her drawing book tightly.

"I love you, we all love you."

***