Steps to take off

He closer to me and started to give me a confused look, his eyes shine through the sun's heated light, everything in this area surrounds by the orange hue symbolizes that the sun is now on its way down. I see the enchanting look outside the universe in his eyes, the galaxy, the billions of stars that surround him, and its glow that spark, but something is unreadable, why... "Care to share?" He uttered and I was just stunned by the husky of his voice that keeps the vibration on the ground every time he spoke. Familiar feelings come inside me, my heart begins to shatter, every beat of it feels heavy, and every pump, I know...there is still someone's name it shouted. Always, this damn thought and hundreds of why's and when's, who and how, why still running in my head? this, without any answer from him still leaving me hanging on every minute at midnight. Making me feel That I was not good enough for him, playing guitar and singing along with the music he said he likes, that he said it was for me. Bleeding my pen every time I am lost, writing a bunch of lines with metaphors, a poem that he is the main subject, and mesmerizing all the memories we shared, laughter, love, cries, all. Even the smallest details of him, I knew it by my heart, his promises under the darkest nights, with billions of stars that twink, and the way he said that I was her moon, even I'm not whole always, he waited for me, he can't live without me. But why... You sent me this message saying that You found another woman to replace my name? How about me? Who has not been into another man because I am waiting for your time to come back to me, to feel your warm hugs again, your kisses on my forehead, the way you sang to me our love team's song, your poetry, your flowers, the whole you? You, yes, you are all I need. You are my strength when I am weak, you are my icing on the top of my cake, air, oxygen, water, and my universe. But seems like I am now a piece of trash to you, the part, or just a chapter of your story that I didn't know if it is a beautiful one for you or that one that you didn't want to come back to.
The cold air touches every inch of me and enters every pores on my skin making me breathe in frozen, I can see him breathing in the air too with its white smoke that vanished in a few seconds. "Uhm, you know, It... Is a very long story, I think it is not enough to tell it in just one time," I uttered and I saw him smiling, rubbing his both hands trying to feel the heat with just his body, and I know it was because the air begins to freeze in this hour. Many childrens playing in the mini-park and their parents give them a coat, some of the students like us were on their phones, some are chatting with someone and some are taking pictures of a whole round fire in the sky that gradually going down. "you should Get home, Mike, I have a lot of works to do," I said and he nodded, seeing the dissatisfaction on his eyes, and the disappointment in his heart that his lips can't say. "Are you sure? I'm sorry for what happened lately, But don't worry I accept the result, I respect your decision," he said and pulled me closer to him, My chest gets closer to him, the feeling of this in my heart also beat for him, I feel his heart beating. "I know you will be mad, but let me hug you for a while before letting you go, please tell my heart to let go of your name too and give me the key to open the cage now," he expressed and I feel his warm air on my nape touching, I just close my eyes and let him to hug me, this time I thought I should not think of what other say when they see us in this position to give Mike the medicine on his wounded heart, "For the last time, I love you, Cassandra," he spoke to my ears and let go of me from his hug. I open my eyes and see his beautiful eyes, with his almost perfect look. I put a smile on my lips and saw him smiling too, "Thank you for the love, Mike." I said and he look upon his shoes, placing his hands in his pocket, and then turned to his way, "I will go now Cass, be careful okay? If you have a problem you can talk to me," he pronounced and I nodded at him. "Sure, If ever," I answered and watch him to stand, and make a distance from me. This time Mike, I wish you will open your heart for another, another girl that wouldn't do it same to what your ex did, may you find your rest in someone's heart and can give you back your love in the same energy, the same feels, the same intentions the same as what you wanted to give to me. And...I wish I wasn't wrong with not taking your love. I wish I was right with choosing by myself rather than to be with someone again. I wouldn't like to hurt you, Mike, you deserve someone who is sure to herself, who's now in its healed state, and free from her past, And I know that It is not me. I love you, Mike, As a friend. The words that keep on running while watching the right man to walk away from me, right man but not right for me and never could be, maybe somewhere, if I was Meant for you, then I will come back to you, I will be the one to make a move, to find you wherever you are in, If you are the person who holds the last part of the red rope that is tied in my wrist, then I...I will willingly come back to you, I won't hesitate Mike if you are the one. For now, let me fix myself first. I sighed and look at the river on my front, it is calm and peaceful, the way its water flows through the small rocks placed at its core. "Cass," a voice of the girl said from behind my back that makes me turn my gaze to someone who is saying. "Oh, Nicky, you here," I said when I saw the woman standing at the back of me with a plastic bag on his right arm hanging. "Yeah, here's the food, did I make you wait so long?" SHe asked and made a step to get closer and sit down on the bench. "Hee's the food," she uttered when she finally got sit and lend me the sushi. "gomawoyo, Niki" ( "thank you for this, Nicky,") I stated, and she nodded smiling at me. "al-a? jumun-i ogikkaji sigan-i manh-i geollineunde salam-i manhguna!" ("you know? I got a lot of time waiting for my order to come, there's a lot of people there!" ) She uttered while uncovering her food, I stared for a moment at it, this is his favorite to eat too. "Cass," she spoke calling for my attention. "Wae?" (Why?) I asked and look at her. " "munjega issseubnikka?" ( is there a problem?)
I shook my head and smiled at her. "Nothing, I just...Uhm, you know, I can't explain why I was just like this." I said staring at her eyes, I read her stares, I saw her just pitying, "are you okay? Did someone hurt you while you were waiting here?" She asked and stop eating looking at me. I shook my head and uttered " I think I'm the one who hurt someone," she look at my eyes and tried to read, but I look away, " you don't hurt him, you just chose yourself more than him." She said in a manner of maturity. I kept on silent and just stared at the view of the sun. I keep on breathing in a couple of times while trying to be in consensus, but my heart doesn't really want to sleep in peace. "I hurt him, I knew it from the tone of his voice while saying those words to me," I uttered and brought back the packed sushi to its plastic suitcase. " I think he understands you," she asserted but I look down and sighed. "Yeah, I know, I just...His hugs and the way his heart beats when he hugs me-"
"Wait... Did he hug you lately or did he follow you here?" She almost yelled asking and brought down her opened pack of sushi. I give glances, "yeah, he followed, and He cleared everything in us, his intentions, He even says sorry to me," I said and she widened her eyes, the wind hit us so hard that it could be made us tremble in the freeze, her tied hair falls while mine that is straightly laying down slaps me and gets through the half of my face. "That was so sweet and hurtful, what did he say?" She asked and I stretched my feet, fixing again my hair to my back, and looked away. " he said sorry if I get uncomfortable lately, and I said no, it's just okay. But he kept on his words and tell me that I was the one who made his heart feel the love again. You know, when he said that could I please give him the key to the jail that is made by my heart to let him free, I was so destroyed. I feel guilty and I think I hurt him not only hurt but I destroyed the whole of him. Did I Make a wrong decision,?" I asked and I meet her gaze, she shook her head and Said " Everything that you aren't ready for is not good to force, you know to yourself that if you are not ready to enter a relationship or just can't give him the love he was giving to you is not a mistake, it is the state where you chose to be yourself and not yo hurt them or maybe, some part of them got hurt, but you will hurt them more if you force yourself to love them," she stated and I nodded. "It means I have no sins to that?" I asked and she laugh softly, "of course nothing, you are on yourself peacefully doing your task then there is someone that will fall to you? It's their choice, so it is their sin if they get hurt if you don' give them their love back." She explained and I was smiling after hearing her words, I wish the heart has an ear and easy to learn so that it tells to itself that it is not their fault so that it can rest in peace, "hey are you listening to me!" I heard her saying, "Uhm, yeah haha I just think if something," I said. "It's not your fault, don't tell yourself that you hurt them, it was them, the one who made that. So eat that one and we have work to do!" She said and I immediately took the sushi, She's right! I should give more concentration to my work and family, not on those things, "yeah, by the way, thank you for this, what's with you? Is today is your birthday?" I asked and she laugh, "Silly, You help me with that math lately so I treat you, it is for my little thanks for that, hehe," she said and grinned, aish this girl is kinda crazy. "Ahhh, yeah haha, thank you for this but next time, you wouLd not have to do this, you are my friend that is why I help you and better to keep your money for your family and for your own expenses, "Haha I'm happy because my mother told me that my father now got a job! You know they say there is someone who said that my father got this job from someone who's on the Van and approach him giving the paper for the application and he said that he can work now, and then there is... Whoever that someone, I am very thankful for him! He's so good and Hooe that manufacturing industry will grow more, they deserve good because they are good!" I heard her saying in joy, "Woah, really? So that would be easier for you to handle things!" I said and she grinned, "yeah! I'm so happy! I'm so thankful to that someone, whenever he is!" She said and I giggled "I am wondering who is he, Hmm, but just like you, whoever is that man I am thankful to him too." I said, I opened the pack and took the wooden chopsticks covered by the brown paper, and started to eat. "Eomma called me about that later in the morning after I out the bag on my cabinet and I can't help but jump on my bed in joy! I think this would be the greatest start to help you with your problem," she said and I looked at her in quick. "What?" I asked and she look at me with his brows going upper,