The bonfire

I'm so happy. I did not expect that I would experience such simple but good experiences in my life. it's because as if I've prepared myself for just trying and enduring.
it's always been just as thorough testing as the beginning of each day. that's tiring too. and it's good that I'm rested now.
the waves are strong and the moon is huge. this is how it is when you are on the sand and in front of a beach with a fire, you can relax. maybe it's good to have music but I seem to hate music because I remember him and I continue to worry about my past.
why do I always hope that person will come back. and I keep convincing myself that he will come back while my mind says he will never come back ... the difficulty.
I could feel the pieces of sand sticking to my thigh.
I changed into long-fitted jeans and a white off-shoulder crop top as well. the clothes are beautiful and appropriate for me. I noticed that some of the clothes have a price tag yet.
that I realized, how much I still didn't know him, and the way he seemed like he knew me when he acted and move.
how did he know that my sister has cancer and my mother is dependent on me? I can't quite figure out, where is he from and why did he help me with my expenses?
It is unfair because I only know him by the name Maki and I have no information yet that I know of him.
I don't know him. That's the fact.
how many sighs have I had? life is too hard.
the climate is cold especially the wind caressing my arm but there is a fire in front of me that gives me heat. it doesn't even bother me that I might be too cold because of the wood and its strong fire.
I heard footsteps approaching me. at the same time also the sounds of stainless spoons.
is she done cooking?
I offered to help him cook but he said I would be the first to go to the beach. I followed.
"Please prepare it, we're going to eat, I'm about to finish what I'm cooking, just fry a little,"
I heard it say and laid a large cloth on the sand. it served as our carpet. and there he lined up the spoons, forks, and the small knife at the same time as the plate.
"Maybe you cooked a lot? You don't need a lot, it's okay even if it's just a little, we're just the two of us"
I said and I don't know if he heard me or not but he didn't look at me by the way.
after laying the carpet he walked back to the house, sometimes he was demented, sometimes he seemed serious.
I don't know, his behavior is also confusing.
I'm sure it's delicious. I also ate what he cooked a few times.
when Renz found out that I was with another man, in a house, and on the island with only the two of us, would he be upset?
or maybe he doesn't have care with me? What the hell.
"Where are you now Renz? why didn't that make me feel better? It's been a year, you still haven't made me feel better, not even another text?"
I was just asked to throw a small rock at the pounding waves.
"I've been waiting a long time for you to come back, when are you coming back?"
I asked again. even though it could not be answered I continued to ask questions in the air.
"Is there still 'us?' Or it is just now part of my illusion?"
I whispered and clenched my hands.
The seawater relentlessly waved back and forth as I watched it wave many times.
I wiped my tears using my hands and smiled.
I need to be stronger and if ever he will not go back to me, it's okay, God knows that I suffer many times waiting for him
"just eat,"
a cold tone was heard causing my shock. I turned here and saw him holding plates full of food. I know he won't ask me to help and say he can do it on his own.
it sat down after he landed the meats and what is this? a moose cake? and there are also grapes, orange juice. I smiled, very elegant with its preparations in each pouch. This mn has all in one, a husband material and a very hot looking guy. handsome and good at cooking.
I was surprised then
he suddenly stood up again. it's hard to really guess its personality. spontaneously changing and often rude. not talking and not even looking at me. he was always staring at nothingness.
"So, what am I going to do here? Am I the only one to eat? Damn, what's the problem?"
I looked down at the food. it looks yummy. juicy and meats and very tender.
"hmm, it's delicious huh, I can't imagine that his dishes will be even more delicious, it's amazing,"
my brain is drowsy. I didn't realize that I had been biting a piece of meat over and over again.
"oh, Maki, why did you leave?"
I asked and looked down at its hands.
beer again, Gaddam shit?
"I just took it,"
all his answers and returned to the post. we were on opposite sides and the only food was between us. the huge fire is on the side in front of us and the wooden reservoirs on the other side.
I'm always scared and began to panic whenever the wind blows causing the fire to move in the direction where the wind goes.
"Try to drink water, drinking alcohol all the time is bad,"
I said but he didn't seem to hear anything and just started eating. he's the type who was just having fun talking to me earlier. he's also the one who invited me to have a bonfire, and then he suddenly seemed angry with the world.
What is wrong with this one.
"Maki, listen to me, you should stop drinking alcohol, I have seen you almost every other hour you are drinking that shit,"
I said but he chuckles.
He looked at me and meet my gaze,
"Just a bit and I will stop," he answered.
"But bit means huge in you," I denied and confronted him.
"No, I just need this, and just let me do it, and I am not much in the water," he answered and opened the bottle of beer, and started to drink it.
Aish! This one is a crackhead!