Maki and his life

My heart is beating so fast. My mind is really vicious, I'm s ure if he would know what my mind developed lately, maybe he could think many bad things about me.
Why do I dream of that thing? Why? Why him? And...why Sex? Gosh! That was so uncomfortable.
I'm in front of his room's door, I was just standing here and I feel so nervous, I remember my dream. My fucking dream!
"Maybe...it is just because of his lips that is why I dream about that. Did I fantasize about him? I never thought that I could do that such thing," I whispered.
Then why I could think of...having sex with him?
I'm out of my mind. I think it's because I'm tired.
But I do nothing, what the heck is that? Gosh, Oh my God! Lord forgive me!
*The door creaks.*
I slightly opened the door and took a peek inside. His room smell's like a lavender chilled orange with a minty flavor scent because his room conditioner has been placed in the side of Aircon.
Smells so great.
I switched the switch from off to on and the mini chandelier from the ceiling lighten up the whole room. This is nice, because of the lights that the beauty of the room become more visible.
Simple but elegant. That is the best words I could have said while staring up and down the room.
Its white floorings, white walls, and white painted ceiling with black and gray curtains on the side, gold color mini chandelier, a closet, and a....guitar?
Is he know how to play guitar? That's cool. I know this bag is actually for guitar and it hangs on the wall beside the large cabinet on the right side.
I stepped nearer to the guitar and pinched, wow, that's nice, does He could not be mad at me if I could use this for a while?
Well, I guess not. I grab the guitar and unzipped it. It reveals the black color acoustic guitar! My eyes widened and then there is a capo which is black too. A pick and a...what's with this envelope? songbook?
Woah!!! I'm so amazed!!
"Woah, I couldn't believe that he knows to play an instrument..." I uttered cheerfully.
In overjoyed, I sat upon the white clean bed and placed the guitar between my arms and chest. This is so incredible. How I miss playing the guitar too!
What is with his songbook?
"Perfect by Ed Sheeran, white horse by Taylor, 12:51, let it be by the Beatles, safe by Moira Dela tore, Imagination by Shawn," I read every title and there are this much of papers that I couldn't read cause, It's written in french.
"Beautiful by Crush, a Korean song," I whispered.
I lifted the pages using my fingers and read again.
"Supermarket Flowers, by Ed, happier, also by Ed, Kiss me by Ed again. And...Never seen anything like you by the script, Woah! This is nice! Foreign songs!" I said. Cheerful. My heart is fluttering because of joy.
How many times did I miss playing guitar? I just had no time to have a good time playing guitar since my father leave, I really miss those days that I and my first man played the guitar and sing along with the music while we are in upstairs. Watching the moon and stars. When would it happen again?
I feel like I want to feel living with my dreams, I want to live my life with you, my man. I want to see you again.
As I placed my fingers into A minor chords, I chose to play Imagination by Shawn Mendez as how I am feeling right now.
[Intro]
Am F C G
[Verse 1]
Am
Oh, there she goes again, every
F
morning it's the same,
C
You walk on by my house, I wanna
G
callout your name.
Am F
I wanna tell you how beautiful you
C
are from where I'm standing,
G
You got me thinking about what we could be
'cause,
I stopped and closed my eyes. I wish I can bring back the time and enjoy every minute with you, Renz. I know that it is not my fault that we have been parted, but...I'm still missing you. I'm still in love with you. I feel broke.
[Pre-Chorus]
Am
I keep craving, craving you,
F
You don't know it but it's true,
C G
Can't get my mouth to say the words
they wanna say to you.
Am F
This is typical of love,
C
Can't wait anymore, I won't wait I
G
need to tell ya how I feel when I
see us together forever.
Yeah, I'm still living the world with you but it's only me now. It's just me.
[Chorus]
C G
In my dreams, you're with me,
F G
We'll be everything I want us to be.
C G
And from there, who knows?
F
Maybe this will be the night that we
G
kiss,
For the first time.
F
Or is that just me in my
Fm
imagination?
The question in the song that I keep on my brain too. I'm still questioning it, the world, everything in my life. It feels useless that Me. In my own eyes, I saw how my father carry a baby in his rams while his wife is with their daughter. Carefully guiding it to walk.
I even saw him—my father to kiss the baby on its forehead. The way he didn't make to us, with my little sister. I need to get over with it. But it's uneasy for me.
The way they both lie to us. Mama said that he's working abroad and buying us our favorite toys there. Hardworking and a very mindful father to us.
We live for about three years and a half thinking that all the things we have every month are from him. And we really enjoyed it. Knowing that it was from our loveable father.
And then the reality hit us very differently. When Mama said the truth thaw it wasn't from him. It is all coming from her hard work in a laundry shop and to a market selling vegetables. And then buy foreign things and then will give to us saying that it was from our father in Europe.
She lies just to not make us feel bad about our life and to feel the emptiness of a father's love. How bad. How sad and how life is so hard for us to play every game.
That's also the reason why In every contest I partook with, they both aren't allowed to come with me. And saying they are busy, well my mother is busy making money and buying the things that our father should buy for us. And then there is this my father that isn't allowed to come home from Europe and said that his boss said that he wasn't able to.
And the best part is. The girl with a yellow collar that I have seen in the contest next to Lucy is their daughter. My father's daughter.
And in the restaurant where we ate with my teachers, I saw how that girl with a yellow collar approach my father and hug. Saying that she didn't win but my father said that it was okay.
I need you too, I need your love too the way you love your Daugther with than woman.
"I told you to sleep, why aren't you sleeping and... You know how to play guitar?" Someone asked behind the door.
I quickly keep the guitar and bring back it to the bag same with the envelope,
"I...I'm sorry, I was just amazed, I will go now." I said talking to Maki. I stood up and on my way to the door where he is standing but I was hesitant to take a step.
I realize I'm still in his room.
"Don't use it again, if ever, I will buy you a new one if you want," he uttered looking at me seriously
"No, it's okay, I'm okay, I will sleep now," I said and fake a smile. But he stands along the door causing him to block my way out.
"Uhmm, can I go outside?" I asked and he smiled fake.
Shit, no, this smile...
"I'm so drowsy," he uttered and I widened my eyes as he approached me with his zigzag walks and hugs me.
He placed his chin on my shoulder and his hands are wrapping to my waist. I almost fall when he gave all the weight of him to me.
"I told you not to drink many rights?" I whispered and make a step through the bed,
I heard him saying something but I couldn't understand. When I reached the bed, I carefully lay him down and arrange his position.
"You're too hard to carry, you're so heavy," I said and he smiled.
Is he drunk? Or playing with me again?
"Maki." I said and he replied with "hmm"
I sighed and knelt to the bed where he was laying to put a pillow under his head.
"You're planning to rape me?" He asked with a gurgling voice.
I looked at him and slap him a bit.
"Ouch!" He responded.
"You're too pervert, bitch, just sleep," I said and he chuckles.
He's drunk. Shit.
"Of course not, bitch, how can I? Huh? You bastard!" I said and he chuckles widening his eyes.
I smiled when I noticed a baby tooth on the part side of his mouth and a cute two little rabbit tooth-like in front of it.
It is pure white and even though he drank too many alcoholic beverages this past few days, it doesn't leave a stain. And the way his gummy smile. His thin red natural lips.
He's kinda cute.
"I feel like my world is spinning," he uttered and I look at him. He's closing his eyes and that way, makes me feel comfortable because he can't see me.
"I told you not to drink too much, did I? But you didn't listen. Someday, maybe not only your head will hurt and then your liver too." I said and he chuckles even more.
"That's why I drink too much and almost every day," he retorted and then licked his lips.
I am still sitting beside him. Still on his bed and listening to him.
But I was left hanging with his words. The reason why he always drinks? For?
"...uh, but that's bad. No matter what your reasons are, you should take care of yourself, or else your mother will be mad at you and you will risk your life." I said and he shook his head slightly.
"Can you please switch off the light? I am dazzled by the light." He said and I obeyed.
I immediately walked over to the switch button and turned off the light.
It's super dark here but because of the moonlight peeking out the bedroom window somehow, I could still see the passage.
"Yeah, that's right," he uttered and I look at him.
I could only see half of his face and everything remained in the dark. even the bed was dark but I sat on its side, quite far from him.
this bed is king-sized and is big. so I sat on the side and I can even feel the softness of the bed.
"Are you still here?" I heard him asking out of nowhere and I remain silent. What would he do if I'm not here?
"Trinity, y...you still here?" He asked again.
I smiled painfully.
Trinity, Renz is the only person who calls me by my second name.
Can't he see me? Oh, I'm not sure. My heart doesn't feel anything. I can not even feel it is beating.
I heard him sighing and slightly move his head
"Ouch," he said suddenly.
I was suddenly worried. Argh! why did this person get drunk? Drinking alcohol is not the right thing to do. well, the other day he was drinking too. Not a surprise that he was drunk today.
"Did something hurts?" I asked and he retorted with "yeah,"
"What was that?"
"My head, can you please put a pillow in the back of my head? I feel like I'm drowning," he said almost whispering.
I quickly grabbed a pillow and put it in the back of his head. I even carried his head and feel how silky and smooth his hair was.
"You're still here? I thought you go to your room now, 'cause you didn't answer my question," I heard him saying.
"Uh, I was just lost of word lately so that I remained silent,"
I explained and suddenly got back to the side of the bed.
"Is it hard for you to say yes?" He asked knowing that it was for sarcasm.
"It is not. But I chose to. I will leave now, goodbye. " I said and about to step down to the floor when his hand holds my wrist causing me to stop.
"N...no, can you please stay here for a while? I promise I will not do anything bad, just stay here," he requested and I can't believe it.
"Why? Do you need anything?" I asked and he shook his head. A part of it was lightened by the moonlight.
"I don't need anything but a person to hold me on."
I slowly felt the release of his hand holding my wrist.
is he serious?
"But if you're not okay with it, okay, care to go to your room."
"Okay, I will stay here," I said and sat beside the same bed.
I watched him as he slowly moved his lips and smiled faked. He's closing his eyes and I was just here watching him.
His necklace is kinda beautiful, the way its Diamond lights when the peek of the moonlight hits it.
I wonder who gave it to him or the reason why he buy it.
"What is wrong?" I heard him asking throwing an eye at me.
"Wrong with?" Out of confusion, I asked back.
"With the world, why does it keep on playing?" He asked and as I tried to reconstruct his word I uttered
"Without failures and plays with Hell here in our world, life is so boring," I said retorting to him.
"Yeah, I think of it too. But..." He didn't continue and I was just staring at him in the dark.
"But what? Maki?"
"Je suis un peu fatigué. Pouvons-nous simplement être heureux tout le temps?" He stated. Almost whispering
"I'm sorry," I uttered and he chuckled
"Sorry for what?"
"I don't understand French languages but, I'm sure it's about sorrows,"
"C'est bon, mon amour, je t'aime, au fait."
"Uh, Yeah..maybe," I remain silent and don't know what to say.
Should I leave? I feel awkward. Here in his space.
"It's unfair that someone you love, love your most hated person."
He said without hesitation. Why do I feel like he's talking with me? Or something...it's about me? What?
"Who is that? Care to mention his or her name? Where that person comes from and...Uh,"
"You probably know who's that and... I don't know if you're still waiting for that person to come back,"
I was stunned and having a hard time figuring out what happened and who is he talking about.
My heart began to beat do fast when he stared at me. When I notice his head turning toward my direction I knew that he was staring at me in the darkness.
"W...who a-are you talking about?" I asked and even tried to clear my throat. He chuckle.