Chapter 90 -The First Kill

The weight pressing into her chest wasn’t just the dead Sirran wolf. It was everything. She could feel the heat of his blood still soaking deep in to her fur. The sharp metallic tang of it filled her nose and mouth. Her teeth remained latched deep in to his now shredded throat.

Her breath remained shallow beneath the body until she heard movement stirring beside her. The weight of the grey wolf on top of her suddenly shifted, and she released his hold.

"Rae!" Kai called back in his human form as he gripped his lifeless body by the scruff of the neck and pulled it off with ease.

Feeling the relief Rae scrambled back up on to her feet and backed away, still high on the adrenaline in her bloodstream.

"It's okay...it's me. It's me baby." Kai reassured her with his palms

Rae's eyes were still wild, but settled once she saw the safe icy blue eyes of her mate. Blood matted her fur, his blood, and the weight of it felt heavier than she expected.

Seeing her covered with blood Kai was unsure what was his and what was hers. She was up, but he couldn't tell if she was seriously wounded or not.

"Are you okay?" he asked tentatively as he approached her slowly.

Rae nodded once but didn't move. When she scrambled earlier, Kai noticed that she favoured one of her hind legs slightly. He could see some blood isolated there that was more likely to be her own.

"You're hurt?" he gestured to her leg. "Come baby, let me see". 

Rae hesitated for a moment then slowly padded forward towards him. Kai crouched down low. His hand carefully parted the fur on her leg to expose the wound. It didn't look deep and was already showing signs of healings with the clotting that he could see.

"It's okay, it's not bad," he murmured. "With your blood that should heal pretty quickly." 

Rae's ears flattened as she took in the big grey wolf behind Kai. His blood was still leaking out on to the dried leaves beneath him, staining everything it touched.

Kai saw how her body tensed up. "You don't have to look," he said trying to distract her, but her eyes couldn't look away from his still form. 

He’d seen it before, how new soldiers reacted to their first kill. Some rode the high of victory, swept up in the rush that came with survival. But others… once the adrenaline faded, struggled to face what they’d done. The weight of taking a life didn’t always hit right away, but when it did, it hit hard.

She needed to see him. To take it in. If she didn’t, it would haunt her later, and Kai knew better than to shield someone from that kind of truth.

"You did what you had to," Kai said softly. "And I'm glad you did"

Rae’s wolf didn’t flinch. If anything, she lifted her head slightly, as if acknowledging his words. Not as though she was proud, but feeling resolute in the ultimate outcome. 

Kai stood back up again, running a hand through his hair. "Come, there is a lake up ahead. Let's get you cleaned off."

Kai shifted back in to his wolf form. He felt more alert in that form and knew he'd be able to track his way to the stream and the lake close by where they could bathe.

Kai nuzzled against the side of Rae's wolf encouragingly as he slowed his pace to match her. The quiet contact said everything. Pax and Tara still connected in their silence.

The trickling of water against stones alerted him to the presence of the lake in front of the them. The late morning light casting a silver sheen across the vast expanse of water.

Kai slowed near the edge of the water and shifted back. He didn't say anything to Rae, but waited patiently by the lake's edge, as her paw tested the water.

Rae waded deeper into the lake, her tan fur darkening as it soaked through. The coolness of the water was biting at first, but the numbing sensation around her aching leg was soon a pleasant relief. The blood unraveled from her coat like red ink, slowly dissipating into the rippling water of the lake. 

Once the blood had rinsed from her fur, Rae let the shift take her. Limbs reshaped beneath the water, trembling slightly as her human form surfaced. She stayed low in the lake, arms wrapping around herself, wet hair slicked to her back. The cool water rising to her collarbone

Kai gave her a moment. Then he followed her into the water, shifting back and wading in until he stood a few feet away. He didn’t crowd her. Just watched.

“I didn’t want to do it,” she said eventually, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Kai’s expression didn’t shift. “But you did.”

She looked down at her hands beneath the water, flexing her fingers slowly. “Because I had to.”

“You did have to.”

Rae looked from Kai back in to the water. "Is it weird that I don't feel bad because of it.."

Kai stood silently, giving her the space she needed to continue.

"I felt so in tune with Tara. I almost enjoyed the chase, the fight.". She looked to Kai briefly for reassurance before looking back down at the water rippling around her hands. She shouldn’t feel this calm. She shouldn’t feel anything but horror. But she didn’t. And the thought turned sharp inside her chest.

“Is something wrong with me?”

The words slipped out like breath, but they were rooted in years of doubt. Years of believing her wolf was broken. That she was.

Kai’s expression shifted instantly. “No,” he said, more forcefully than he intended. He moved closer, voice gentler now. “Rae, no. There’s nothing wrong with you.”

His lips lifted slightly, soft but sure. “This probably still feels new because it is. You and Tara are still finding each other. But that rush? That connection in the fight? That’s not wrong. That’s instinct. It means your bond is strengthening.”

He glanced toward the haze of light filtering through the trees. A flicker of amber lit his intense eyes, Pax pushing forward. “Nothing brings you closer to your wolf than surviving.”

Rae’s gaze lingered on Kai. The sunlight danced across his skin, catching in the rivulets of water that traced his chest and shoulders. His raven-black hair was slicked back, revealing every sharp, beautiful line of his face. He stood there so confident in his own skin. Naked, completely unbothered, fresh from battle and something in her snapped. He had never looked more dangerous. Or more irresistible.

Heat curled low in her stomach. The chaos of the fight still clung to her, but now it was tangled with something primal. Need. A deep,d urge to claim and be claimed. She wasn’t sure where the thought came from. Only that it hit her fast, and hard.

Kai tilted his head slightly, eyes narrowing as he watched her. He could feel it too, the way her gaze caressed his body.

***“That’s normal too.”***

The words slid through her mind like smoke, not spoken aloud but echoing through their mind link.

Rae froze, heat flashing to her cheeks.

***“You’re leaking, princess,”*** Kai’s voice teased again inside her head. ***“If you want me that badly, you should probably stop broadcasting it.”***

Her eyes snapped to his, wide, and mortified. She was both annoyed at impressed at how quickly he had adjusted to this mind link bond they share.

He was smirking now. The amusement all of his face like a school boy. Like her hunger had only fed his.

Rae blinked, startled.

***“Victory. Adrenaline.”*** Kai continued directly in to her mind. His eyes dragged down her body, slow and deliberate**. *“That hum in your chest that feels like you might explode if you don’t do something about it.”*** 

His grin curved wider, like a wolf baring its teeth.

***“The fight may be over, but your instincts are still very much awake.”*** 

His tone dipped to something more primal. “And judging by the way you’re looking at me, I’m guessing I don’t need to explain what those instincts are telling you to do.”

Rae flushed hard and turned her back, heat crawling up her neck. She folded her arms over her chest, suddenly too aware of how naked she was beneath the surface. How exposed.

“Rae…” Kai’s voice purred behind her.

She feigned disinterest. “Hmm?”

***“Look at me.”***

She didn’t move. Her back remained to him, wet strands of hair clinging to her spine. Her breathing uneven.

Kai stepped closer, slow and silent. The lake lapped at his hips now, the air thick between them.

***“Don’t hide,”*** he murmured. ***“Not after the way your thoughts just curled around mine like a tether.”***

Her stomach flipped.

***“You’re not imagining this, princess,”*** he added. ***“You want me. I feel it in my chest like a second heartbeat.”***

Rae turned, lips parted, but words failed her.

That’s when she realised how close he really was. The droplets sliding down his chest. The tension in his shoulders. The heat in his eyes rimmed with gold, like Pax was pressing in at the edges.

“You’re always so sure of yourself,” she said, voice barely above a whisper.

He smiled at that. “And you’re stubborn as hell.” Then, softer, “But you’re mine, Rae.”

Something in her cracked. Whether it was the vulnerability still humming through her after the kill, the quiet of the lake, or the raw look in his eyes that made her feel seen and not just wanted. She didn’t resist when he closed the last of the distance between them.

His hand came up to cup her jaw, thumb brushing lightly along her cheek as his body hovered just a breath from hers.

“You saved yourself,” he murmured. “You didn’t wait for me. You didn’t need anyone to pull you out. You did that by yourself.”

Rae didn’t say anything at first. Just looked at him, like she wasn’t sure whether to cry or believe him. She glanced down at her hands beneath the water, blood still rinsing from her skin in pale pink ribbons. “It didn’t feel like I won,” she whispered. “But I guess surviving counts.

“I know you’re still figuring this all out. But you’re not broken, Rae. You never were.” Kai said confidently to her. He needed her to see that, to hear that and truly believe it.

Her lips parted, but no words came. Just a soft gasp as his mouth found hers.

The kiss was slow at first. The intimate claiming of her lips as he tasted her. His hand slid behind her neck, anchoring her to him while the other traced the line of her spine under the water.

Rae leaned into him, her arms rising from beneath the surface to wrap around his shoulders. She kissed him back harder, letting the rush take her. This man was hers and she needed to feel him, to be reminded of how how their connection was more than just a bond bestowed on them by Luna. It was something deeper.

When she pulled back slightly, her breath was ragged. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

He brushed his nose along hers. “Why? Because they’re true?”

“Because I’ll believe them,” she whispered.

“Good,” he said as he pressed featherlight kisses along the side of her neck. “Because I fucking meant every word.”

Her body leaned into his on instinct, the curve of her hip brushing his. When she spoke next, her voice was wrapped in lust.

“Then show me.”