Chapter 49

Will I ever be able to stop?
Mihai grabs me just below my ass and lifts me up, allowing me to sink my teeth in deeper, and i moan with pleasure. This is amazing. He tastes so good. Better than anything i have ever eaten.
“That’s it.” He says, gentle stroking my hair, “Take as much as you need.”
I hum against his flesh, my hands clinging to his chest as i hungrily take what i want from him, and he lets me. He let’s me devour what i want of his blood, and he does so with a smile on his face.
Perhaps it’s because a part of me is finally accepting what i have become, or maybe it is because it feels oddly intimate. I don’t know why he likes it, i just know that he does.
“That’s enough, Mae.” He eventually says, gently pulling me off him as i release his neck.
He gentle carries me into the bathroom and turns on the shower whilst i am still in his arms, the room getting hot very quickly, steam filling the air around us.
“How did i taste?” he asks, placing me down onto my feet.
I frown, holding my hands out to him, I feel oddly cold now that I'm not in his arms, and i want to be closer again, i didn’t want him to put me down. Not yet. I wanted a little bit longer.
I've always been so indifferent about affection, but i want it right now in this moment, i want as much of it as i can get and i don’t want to share Mihai. Not with anyone. He is mine just as much as i am his.
“what’s wrong?” he murmurs, picking me back up, and holding me tightly.
I don’t say anything, afraid that i will say the wrong thing, he sighs after a minute or two, walking into the shower with me still in his arms, what is left of our clothes left somewhere on the floor.
He holds me under the water, “It’s ok to feel vulnerable, Mae, i think we all need to be comforted sometimes.”
I nod, my voice small; “I don’t know how to explain it, but i don’t want you to let me go.”
Mihai smiles down at me, pecking me on the top of my head. “It is a part of the transition from human to Nati, it is common to pick a person and use them for what you need, they become a crutch to you until you are ready to feed on your own.” he says slowly, knowing that my mind takes a while to process anything regarding the changes my body is going through.
“i don’t understand what is happening to me.” i complain, slowly releasing myself from his arms, “A month ago i was a normal mortal, i didn’t even know i was half Nati and i want to go back to that. I don’t want to change.”
I ignore the pain in my chest and shove my head under the hot water, watching as the water turns red when it runs down my body and soon enough, the entire shower floor is red with blood.
That man died, and all i could think about was having sex near his dead body, I'm sick, i must be. Who else wants to have sex near a dead body unless they are mentally deranged?
I need to get my head sorted out before i do something even worse, and i need to do it quickly, before there is nothing left of the old me to save. Or before i hurt someone who is innocent, because there is no coming back from that.
“I’m disgusting.” I groan, pulling at my hair.
“Mae, stop it.” Mihai warns, pulling me back out of the water, “Don’t you dare bully yourself because of what you are, it is natural for you to want blood, and to want to be around it.”
I look up at him, my eyes slightly wide and scoff, “It is easy for you to say, you have always known what you are, i have known for like five minutes, it isn’t the same thing.”
He has always been comfortable with what he is, and now i find out that i am the exact same, I'm no longer mortal, I'm just like him, I'm a monster.
I don’t want to be a monster, and i don’t want to be a hunter, i just want to be me. I just want to be Mae.
Mihai looks at me sadly before he grabs the soap, gently rubbing it across my skin, “I might not know exactly how you feel, but i have an idea, i wasn’t always this comfortable with my title or what i was, that took time.” he heaves a sigh, “Just like it will take time for you to understand, but i promise that i will be beside you at every turn in your life, even if you no longer want to be mine.”
My eyes snap to his, “You weren’t always content with being a Nati?”
I guess i just assumed that because he has always known, the bloodlust would be natural to him.
Just like fighting is natural to me.
“In my younger years i rebelled against what i am.” He admits, continuing to wash the blood from my skin, “I didn’t want this life, i wanted to live in the sun, like i could when i was a child, but once i got my powers, the sun burned me, just like it does all of us and i had to learn to live my life when the sun set.” he smiles at me sadly, “It was a difficult adjustment at first, but over the years i have grown used to the dark.”
I can’t imagine never seeing the sun again, or running in the early morning as the sun begins to rise.
“Will the same happen to me?” i ask, tears sliding down my cheeks, “Will i never see the sun again?”
Mihai shrugs, “In all honesty i don’t know, it could be different seen as you are only a Halfbreed.”
I hope i am different, i hope i always get to live during the day, just like i have my entire life.
I wish Mihai could see the sun rise with me, or the sun set, and i wish he could spend his says happy instead of cooped up inside.
“What exactly does the sun do to Nati?” i ask, “I have heard stories, but none of them have been clear.”
Mihai rinses the soap from our bodies and turns off the shower, wrapping us both in thick towels, “It depends on the strength of each Nati, i could go outside and it would weaken me, so if i was attacked i would be vulnerable, but weaker Nati, like some of the servants would turn to ash because their bodies cannot handle the heat of the sun.”
“How long would you be weakened for?” i ask, curious.
I'm not exactly strong, maybe i would burn to ash, just like the weaker Nati.
Mihai looks at the darkened sky just outside the bathroom window, “A few days, it really depends on how long you are exposed.”
Every Nati is different, and i suppose that is good news, but until i find out which category i belong to, i have to be careful.
I don’t want to become ash, not when i have barely had a chance to live, both as a Nati and a human.
It would really suck if i died this young.