Chapter 82

I ask Mihai to carry me back to the mansion, i feel exhausted and i have barely done anything, I've barely been awake over an hour. It doesn’t matter what i do, my mind and body remain constantly tired.
It's almost as though someone has sucked the life out of me, and they won’t give it back.
I sigh, leaning my head against Mihai’s shoulder and close my eyes, trying to get some sort of rest. Even if it is only for a moment.
I never used to be like this, i used to have more energy than i could use up in a day, and i would barely sleep. I'd run all the time, three times a day if i could. Sometimes more than that if we had a case.
I never had time to lounge about, not doing anything. But now it seems like that is all i do.
I can’t even disappear again; Mihai won’t allow it. He thinks i have mourned enough, but he is wrong. I spent my whole life looking up to Sean, he was my brother, and my friend. We did everything together when we were younger. We were as close as siblings could get.
But then it all changed when he made his first kill, he changed. He became more aggressive, and cruel, even towards his family. It was a though he didn’t care who he hurt so long as he got exactly what he wanted.
I wish that things were different, i wish it so often that i cannot even handle reality as it stands. I want him back. I want to take back what i did. I want to make it right and explain to Jake that i had no choice but to kill him.
He left me no choice.
I wonder what life would look life if i had stayed, if Mihai never took me. Would they have killed me the moment they realised i was Nati?
I like to think that they wouldn’t, but the truth is, i don’t know what they would have done. My entire life with them was all a lie. Everything was a lie.
Did they ever care for me, or was it all an act?
Perhaps that is why Sean changed, maybe he was told what i was from the very beginning of his hunter career. Is that why he hated me?
Did he blame me for our mother’s death? I already blame myself. If i never came to be, the family would have been fine, and perhaps i would have been born mortal.
Perhaps if Nathanial really was my father, then i would have been ok with killing the Nati. But something inside of me always said that it was wrong. A little voice in my head that used to say how cruel the hunter council were for what they did to the Nati.
The voice wasn’t wrong either, what they did and do to the Nati is vile. It's against everything my mother wanted me to believe it.
The hunter council believe that Nati lives do not matter, but they do, they matter because they are alive. All living things matter. Everything that breathes air. No matter what they say, the Nati live, breath and eat just like humans. The only difference is they are immortal.
Though i suppose that is why they hate them, they get to live for a long time, and normal humans do not. They barely get a hundred years before their time ends. Some don’t even get that.
Life is cruel, i know that more than most people, but that doesn’t mean that i want to kill all humans for not wanting us alive. It just means that i want to live peacefully.
I want a life that i can enjoy. Even if the joy is short lived.
I cannot remember the last time i felt pure joy, or happiness. All i feel is an empty hole in my chest that burns hotter than the fires of hell. And i feel anger, especially towards the hunter council.
I want to destroy them, all of them... but will that change anything, or will it just add to the hatred?
I'm not sure where my path is going to lead, or what life has in store for me.
I don’t even know what tomorrow will bring, or whether I'll make it through the night. Nothing is promised. It could all be taken from me in the blink of an eye.
But i will not go down without a fight, i am a warrior, whether i like it or not, and i will not just lie back and let the world rid me of what i want.
I lift up my head, smiling to myself. “What is Dren like?” i ask my father, turning to look at him.
Luthor smiles slowly, “He’s much like you are, fierce, protective and once he cares about someone, he does so with the entirety of who he is.”
That does kind of sound like me.
“Does he look like you?” i ask, growing more curious.
It is time i learned about my true family and stopped crying over people who don’t give a damn about me.
It is time i learned who i was.
Luthor shakes his head, “No, he looks like his mother, blonde hair, green eyes. Much different to you and i.”
“What about the twins and my sister?” i ask, getting Mihai to put me down. “What do they look like?”
“The twins, Jeren and Blake are a mixture of me and their mother, they have dark hair, just like me and you, but they have light green eyes.” he says, stopping walking for a moment. “Lily is the image of her mother.”
I nod, “I’d like to meet them, all of them.” i say quietly. “I think it is time for me to leave my past behind, and focus on the future.”
Luthor's eyes twinkle as he pulls me into his embrace. “I am so glad you have finally changed your mind, daughter. I just know that they are going to love you.”
“I hope so.” I laugh, somewhat nervously. “I don’t have another family to fall back on, you are all i have.”
Mihai clears his throat, “You have me.”
I smile up at him, taking his hand, “And i am certain i will always have you, but you aren’t family.”
“Then what am i?” he asks, frowning, though i cannot tell whether it is in annoyance or not.
“You are the man i love.” I say, climbing onto my tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
I don’t need Nathanial, i don’t need Jake.
I don't need my old life back. I can make a new one with the people that are around me.
This time, I can choose my own path.