Ghosts

Fahmeen's POV:

We're washing up and I could get used to this. Doing ordinary things with Rolf felt like a puzzle fitting into its place. I felt where I belonged with him, wherever we were. I watch him from the side and he's busy soaping and rinsing. How does one make such mundane activities fascinating? I'm watching the water wash over his hands, the bones underneath his skin shift as he moves. Even just the steady rhythm of his heartbeat next to mine. It makes me even emotional thinking how I have lived this far without knowing he's existed. How have I... no I can't say it. It must be too soon.

"I was thinking we'd put the TV on, not really watch it, eat that bar of chocolate and relax on the couch?" He's still intensely performing his washing up duties, inspecting each dish thoroughly of any sneaky blemishes. I'm now busy watching him. People would say I'm going too fast. That I'm too emotional, too deep too much. But that's me. I'm looking at this man next to me right now and he's become a part of my life I've never given to anybody else before. Realistically it sounds ridiculous. This is our first date. But I've now known him for a few months and that wasn't romantically. The person that he is, is one I admire. Someone I respect. Someone I trust. Not many, in fact a select few have that.

He's finished and is staring at me, wandering why I'm not replying back. I stumble out of my daze and smile.
"Yes please. But we're on the clock, remember." I check my watch, 4:30pm.
"We got enough time." He shrugs it off and gives me his hand. I put mine in his and we have a moment. Cliche means nothing with him. It's as if he was made for those moments. They belonged with him. He's stroking my hand again and I sigh, my body beginning its relaxation.
"Come on." He whispers, tugging me into his living space.

He plops down on the sofa and I'm still standing. I'm not sure if I should follow suit or be more... proper. His hand goes on the back of my thigh and he pulls me forward, I sit and lean into his side. This feels natural even though we've never done this. I settle upon hearing his heavy sigh of relaxation and body reclining into the sofa. Rolf puts the TV on and begins unbuttoning his shirt. I'm trying to ignore it, but I hear each button pop close to my ear. It makes me imagine his big chest slowly revealing itself in the glow of the TV.

His one arm goes around me, fingers stroking my arm. The other arm, behind his head.
"What are you thinking about?" I ask.
"I'm trying not to."
"Why not?"
"Because then I'll wander about all the things we could be doing instead of watching TV."
I sit up and look at him. He sits up too and his arm rests on my waist. I ask a question.
"Do you want to have sex with me?"

All I can hear is our breathing now, his has deepened and I can't see green in his eyes anymore.
"Yes." He is still. The lack of movement reminds me of a predator just before its attack. My heart is pounding, and I'm so nervously excited. But I don't think I want my first time to be now. Not on our first date.
"I want you. So badly, Rolf. But I don't want to yet. Not on the only date we've been on. And not when I have to leave in an hour."
He blows out a breath and I can see acceptance and slight disappointment.
"I understand. And I agree. I want to be able to fuck you again in the morning before making it to class."

He said it so casually I just laughed.
He laughs too and this continues for a few minutes with the TV buzzing in the background.

...

I've fallen asleep. My brain is awake but I keep my eyes closed because I can feel something. Lips pressing onto my hair and I hear Rolf breathing next to me. He's still awake. I then try to make out what he's whispering.

"You're nothing like her yet I find myself drawn to you more than her." He sighs and I feel him withdraw from me. It's weird because not physically because he hasn't budged, but emotionally. Who is this she? The bad past, maybe? I think it's time to open my eyes.

"Hey." I sit up and he smiles at me.
"Hey, don't worry, we still got 10 minutes before I gotta take you home."
"How long was I out?"
"Not long."
"I kinda cheated our date."

"Nah... you just owe me another one." He winks and I shake my head and kiss his cheek. He grabs my chin and forces his lips onto mine. He pushes me back and I guess I was way off the sofa as I fall onto the floor. His arm takes the brunt of it and his eyes are wide with worry.

"Shit. I didn't hurt you did I?"
I shake my head no.
"I'm such a fucking idiot, I'm sorry." He begins to pull away and I'm catching my breath, confused at his mood change. I bring his face to me and ask,
"What's wrong? Nothing happened. I'm fine."
"I know but I just... have a habit of ruining things." He whispers, and I see ghosts in his eyes haunting his sight. There's something or someone from the past he's not letting go of and it's stopping him from emotionally giving himself to me. I see it now. Like the way our conversations turn sexual quite easily with him. Of course the attraction is a part of that and flirtation but he's holding back. I can see it now.

"Rolf can we be honest with each other?" I feel nervous because I don't know how he'd react. And we only have a short while before I leave.
"I think that's how it should always be." He's playing with my hair as he lies down beside me as we're still on the floor.

"Remember you told me you had a bad past?" I notice him still. Bingo.
"Look I won't pressure you into telling me of them but I just want you to know that-
I lean on my hand looking at him. I want him to believe me.
"I want this to be real. And that means, giving each other part of ourselves no one else can have. I've never done that before but I think you have. And that's okay. But you need to let me know if you could do it again. Otherwise when I leave I'm not coming back." I anticipate his reply, I've laid out my cards.

He doesn't speak. I'm watching him shrug off his shirt completely and now his top less body is on top of me. His eyes won't leave mine and it's a look of determination.
"You're here right now for a reason. And I'm going everywhere with you." He kisses me and his chest is pressed close and tight against mine. I want my skin on his.
I surrender to him, I want him to do whatever he wants right here, right now.
"Mmm take my dress off."
He's searching my eyes and finds no weakness. It feeds the hunger in his and stokes our flame. The delicious feel of his fingers touch my sides and he slowly lifts my dress higher, and higher.

He stops as it rests above my bra.
He has a thing for my bra.
"It's the black." He says as if he read my thoughts.
"I'll admit, I've fantasised about you on multiple occasions and you're always in something... like this." His mouth swoops down and he open mouth kisses my breast. I can feel it's wetness though the material. He bites the bra strap, slowly releasing it from his teeth."
He sighs long and hard.

"I'm going to stop before I can't. And you... are not going to tempt me any further." He pulls down my dress and helps me up.

"You're right. We might as well get a move on."