To Be a Parent

Fahmeen's POV:

"It's my parents. They're getting a divorce."

I feel sorry for her, I can imagine what that's like. Harriet continues.
"And I want to stay with my dad but my mum wants me to move with her. To another town. I can't do that. I don't want to. She can barely look after herself let alone me."
"That's why I've been studying extra hard. I need to at least pass to have a shot at something." She looks down like the world rested on her shoulders.

"I get it." She looks up at me.
"My parents are practically enemies but they're not even divorced. Don't ask, I can't explain." I say to her inquisitive expression.
"But you should aim for more. Why not think about university? Then you don't have to live with anyone but yourself?"
"As if I could get in!"

"You shouldn't put yourself down, Harriet. I've heard your work, you know your stuff you just don't give yourself enough credit."
She hugs herself, her notepad close to her.
"Thanks Fahmeen. I'll see you around."
I watch her walk off, feeling better after talking to her.

...

We're at a park. It's beautiful, there are giant willow trees around and the grass is so green and vibrant. The sky is the perfect blue and I look down to see Rolf watching me as he lay his head on my lap.
"I love you." He says, rising up for a kiss.
We hear a shy giggle and look to see her watching our interaction, a blush on her round cheeks. Willow had her blonde hair tied away in a french plait. Her little legs stuck out of her yellow dress. She runs into us and Rolf grunts as she sits on his stomach.
"Do you love me?" She asks, her sentence barely coherent. Her teeth was still filling in the gaps.
"More than anything."
Her father brings her face to his and cuddled her close.
The sun shines down on us as I watch my family. Willow stares back at me with bright green eyes and I can't help but stroke her soft hair. I say to her.
"We love you so much."

But that wasn't enough to stop what was to come. I can hear him approach us and he tears our baby away. We are paralysed and left to watch the man with no face wrap his hand around her little neck.
I'm screaming, my head feels light. I can taste blood in the back of my throat and my heart is punctured with premature grief. Rolf sounds like a beast, roaring in hot fury, eyes are glued to the man with no face. We cannot move closer. We cannot stop him. We cannot save her.

Fahmeen's POV:

I wake up in cold sweat, truly scared after that nightmare. Because I thought it was real.
I'm on the sofa, exactly where I thought to nap after Rolf left to meet with his friends. Only now, I'm afraid and alone. The night has come and I cradle my stomach. I will keep you safe, little one. For the first time I find myself fearing for her safety. She must be a small fetus by now as it's been three months. It makes the dream all the more real to me. That one day she will leave the safety of my womb for this world. Perhaps into the hands of a monster.

I've been getting frequent back pain as if I was on my period. They hurt exactly the same. Nothing can truly prepare you for a pregnancy I've discovered. No amount of YouTube videos or advice. But it's been more difficult without your mother by your side. Especially if you've always imagined her to be.

...

Rolf's POV:

I'm walking to our apartment, hoping I catch her awake. My spirits are high and I need some comfort. A particular comfort that cushions a certain area but comfort nonetheless.
My keys insert into the lock and I open up.

She's still on the couch. Asleep.
Well, it is her bedtime already and I liked that she's developed a routine for herself. Sometimes I forget she is only eighteen. She made me proud and I couldn't wait for the day she'd become a mom. The mother to my child.

I crouch near her, studying the peaceful expression on her face. There was a stray hair that could bother her so I move it away.
"Alright, let's get you to bed."
As quiet as I could, I scoop her up and take her to the bedroom.
Once I've tucked her in, I get ready, a pair of basketball shorts is all I need and I'm next to her. I can't help but make contact with our baby. There's no movement yet but I know she can sense me. I'm her father, she must.
My hand on Fahmeen's stomach and I bring my girls close to me. Knowing they're safe I can fall asleep.

Fahmeen's POV:

*Escitalopram*.
I make sure to take it everyday otherwise the withdrawal is unpleasant. Rolf doesn't know yet of my... I still feel weird saying it. Depression with anxiety.
There's a label for how I am. Because it's always how I've been so now that it's recognised and medicated it seems so loud. It draws attention I really don't want. I haven't needed to visit my doctor for the last few months for it. He says as long as I stick to the pills and keep positive, it will be alright.

I look at my life now and it's not what I would have imagined for myself. But it's everything I want.


Georgia's POV:

Aston's taken me to another party of another one of his friends. I couldn't tell you which one or what their name was as it's been too many. Don't get me wrong, it's fantastic he cares about me enough to want me around constantly but... a girl needs a break too. Aston's been giving me so much attention recently. Like our early morning texts. They used to be as soon as I woke up but now he wakes me up with them. Isn't he considerate? And the way he protects me. Always wanting to know where I am just so that he can find me if I was ever in trouble. I never imagined I'd find someone like him.

"Here, drink up babe." He comes and sits down, offering me this red cup. I'm hesitant to take it from his hand and he raises his eyebrows at me.
"It's not poison."
My laugh comes out nervous and I do as he says. He watches me sip, as if he needs to make sure I actually drink it.
"Thank you."

He sighs and sits back, his legs wide apart. He's relaxed but I'm not. Like I said, I couldn't tell you where I am.

"Hey Ast, who's this?" One of his friends ask. He has dull brown hair and pale skin. Connor, I think? I don't like the way he's looking at me.
"My girl."
Aston watches him sit on the other side of me with distaste. I see the way his lips curl up and I know what that means. He's too close.
"You never told us you had a girlfriend."
He doesn't reply and just grips his cup tighter.
"When can we go?" I ask, just as Connor leans closer to me. His hand is so very near mine.
Aston doesn't say anything, I wander if he heard me. But then he gives me that look and I know not to ask anymore.

Rolf's POV:

"It was horrible. I remember something like it a couple of months ago. Same type of dream. Someone kills our baby. The first time it was my father. Now I couldn't even see a face."
There's pure fear in her eyes as she speaks and I wished there wasn't.
"It's just a dream baby." I make sure she understands I'm here and always will be. For her and our baby. My arms wrap around her tightly, and I can smell the delicate scent of her shampoo. Almond and vanilla.

"I know. I just worry." She looks up at me. Her dark hair was tied away in a ponytail. I loved that as it meant I could easily taste the skin of her neck. Her brown eyes were worried and wanting reassurance from me. From her man. I couldn't help but kiss her then. Her lips are perfect against mine. Soft and sensuous. Like they were designed just for me.

...

It's evening and we're watching TV. I get a text alert. It's from Jessie.
(J) How you doing, Rolf? I was wandering if you'd wanna catch up? We can go for coffee sometime.

I look at Fahmeen, she's intensely watching a crime docuseries. The Keepers or something? She's obsessed. I can't help my smile watching her eyes study the moving images. I imagine her brain running a hundred miles an hour trying to figure shit out. I remember the phone in my hand.

(R) Sure. Let's do the weekend?
(J) Great. Can't wait to see you.
My smile is broad and genuine thinking about seeing her again. She's just a friend, I tell myself. A treasured friend.