No Easy Decision

*Couple months later*

Fahmeen's POV:

Things were hectic. The summer has begun and exams are finally here.
"I don't know if I can do this, Georgia?"
I squash down the sickening feeling threatening to overspill from the depths of my guts.
"Come on. We got this." She whispers. We stand side by side, waiting to go inside the examination hall. She slips her hand inside mine and the clock strikes. It's time.

A few hours later:

I see her face as we exit the hall and it's as bright as mine.
"That was ace!"
I nod and breath out a sigh of relief.

God, I needed that. These last couple of months have been stressful. With Willow growing inside of me; there's been dozen more symptoms. Broken sleeps, nauseous mornings and a serious chocolate craving. Besides all that, there's been something even more stressful. My relationship with Rolf. He's drifting from me and I can't get closer. Someone else is slowly taking my place. Jessie's been hanging out with him a lot more. Sometimes they're even bonding over our wedding plans. Those plans were intimate, or so I thought. But Jessie just had to know and of course Rolf has to tell her.

I feel like I'm drowning in my own fear sometimes too. I'm unable to explain my nightmares to him and have him understand my rational fear and paranoia of my father possibly killing our baby. He just doesn't get it.

Rolf has been busy with work, so much so that he comes home just in time to crash on the sofa. Which means we hardly spend much time together anymore. The weekends I've been wanting to be with my family since he's been busy too. I've loved it there. As the days been getting warmer, we spend a lot of turns outdoors. Mum, Sam, Jay, Adrian and me have been building a secret garden style out the back and it's nearly finished.

"Come over today? We need to celebrate." I say to her, the sun beating down on our faces. The day was indeed beautiful. I was anticipating sitting out in the garden, soaking up whatever sun I could get and eating some good food.
"Yes please. And we need to talk prom. I can't believe it's next week."
We've bought our dresses.

...

"I'm going to mum's, want to come?" I say over Archie's head. He's making space ship noises as he presses the buttons on my shirt. We're babysitting him. Rolf gives me a thoughtful look and I can see the guilt surfacing.
"Sorry babe, not tonight. You go." He moves the black glasses further up his nose and continues to type on his laptop.

I sigh and look back at Archie. He looks up at me and smiles, reminding me of his father.
"Why doesn't Jasper ever come round?" I wander out loud. Rolf stiffens and immediately looks at me. His eyes are hard and he questions me, suddenly interested.
"He doesn't know about us baby. Jessie seems to want to keep it that way. It's probably best your principal doesn't know of our relationship."
I find myself suddenly irritated. Jasper's not the problem here. So what if he knows about us. We're all adults here and Jasper would be fine with it, even if it did concern him... which it doesn't.

"Jasper's great. She's the one with the problem."
He shuts his laptop abruptly and I flinch. I hate sudden, loud noises. Archie looks up at me and I squeeze his hand to reassure him.
"I don't understand why you're doing this PA business again." Rolf stands up and folds his arms. He maintains our eye contact and I'm getting pretty pissed at him.
"Why is that your concern? It's been good for me."
"Good for you? Right." He scoffs and sits down again, tense.

"If you can talk to your ex and I'm supposed to deal with it then I can talk to whoever I want. At least I never slept with him!"
I flinch at my own words as I remember little Archie. Rolf just stares at me for a few seconds before leaving the room.
I'm so confused. Where has all this come from? Me and Jasper? Surely he's not worried we'd...?

"Can I have a sandwich?"
Little Archie gives me his big brown puppy eyes.
"Of course you can."

...


"You're not making sense. None at all." We're opposite each other, ready to get into bed. This is the first we've talked since that fight.
"Why? Because I don't want you around Jasper? He's a dick, always has been." He roughly throws the extra pillow at the foot of the bed and sits down with a thud.
"You were best friends once. If you can make it work with Jessie you can make it work with Jasper. You're not being fair with him." I cross my arms, staring at his naked back, ignoring these crazy hormones.

Rolf takes a deep breath.
"You don't understand." He lies down and lifts the covers, waiting for me to get in.
"I've known him my whole life. Like a brother would, I overlooked the shit. But time apart gave me clarity. He always messed around. I'd clean up after him and then he fights in a war he had no idea what for. Jasper's irresponsible and dangerous. I don't want him constantly around you."
I'm not too sure how to respond as I slip under and beside him. I maintain some distance but that doesn't sit well with him as he raises his eyebrow. I'm stubborn so I stay in my place.

"He's my principal, he'd never hurt me."
He kisses his teeth and his big arms pull me into his chest.
"No not hurt you."
I look up at him and his eyes look a little afraid.
"Do you think we like each other?" I hold his face, wanting to stare in his eyes so he knows my truth. He doesn't say anything but looks down. His jaw clenches and hands grip tight on my waist.
"Jasper always got the girl." His voice softly whispers. I can feel my heart roughly beating against my chest.
"Not this girl." I make him look at me but he's not convinced.

"It's not you I'm worried about."
"Rolf, Jasper's not like that. Not with me anyway. We... have an understanding."
"What does that mean?" His eyes are quick to stare me down.
Uh oh this is turning south.
"I mean we talk about things. That's all, talk."
I move away from him and he lets me. We're in our sides of the bed, watching the other. His breathing has deepened and Rolf is looking mildly angry.
"What things? Things you can't talk to me about?"
Why is he making this bad? We're not doing anything wrong. I feel like a mountain erupting.
"Just stop okay?! Jasper's a friend. He listens to me. He's the only one that listens when I'm scared of my dreams, Rolf. Yo- you don't listen anymore."
I wipe away my tears but my sobs continue.
"You stopped a long time ago."
My chest is hurting and he's looking at me like I just shot him. He's wounded by my words and speechless.

Time stands still as we stare at each other.
I see him dry off a single, silent tear before he calmly turns around, switches off his light and lies down away from me.

...


It's lunch time at school and that means the corridors are busy and noisy. I'm clutching my books close to my chest, careful to mind my steps around other students who don't really care if they push you over. I have someone to protect. I arrive at a junction and see Jasper coming one way with a big smile on his face whilst Rolf approaches via another. I look back and forth, unsure on how to deal with this. I'm not going to break my relationship with Jasper just because Rolf decides it's inconvenient for him. When that's the only time he really pays attention to me. It's not enough.

"Hey Jasper."
"Hey Fahmeen. Can we talk in my office?"
I see Rolf in my peripheral view, leaning against the wall talking to a student but watching me.
"Of course."
As we walk side by side, we pass by him and he looks between us two before our eyes meet. I expected there to be anger but I find only sadness. Why is he letting this get in between us? Anyone for that matter, including her. Why couldn't it just be us?

...

"Can I tell you something first?" I say as we sit down.
"Sure."
He pops a salted peanut in his mouth and offers me the bowl. I refuse and he shrugs before giving me his full attention.

"I'm with Rolf."

He stops crunching. His dark green eyes are wide as Jasper did not expect that. I see his hand push away the bowl so that he can lean on his arms on the desk.
"My friend Rolf? The other American?"
"Yes." I'm keeping my face neutral, I find it works well in these situations. Makes the issue at hand seem less... intense. I nudge the bowl of nuts towards him, hoping he'd distract himself with food or something but he just shakes his head.
"You're seeing Rolf?" He whispers, looking down. He blows out a breath and loosens his tie.

"I wanted to tell you before but figured there's not really a point but, things have changed. Since we're friends, I think I should be able to tell you and it shouldn't affect anything. It's not like there's anything wrong with it?" I look to him for a reaction and he solemnly nods, still not looking at me.

"So you're the girl Archie won't stop talking about."
"He likes you." His eyes gleam and seem a little misty. I feel worried, wandering why he's emotional all of a sudden.
"So, all this time Rolf was the one you were referring to? The games you played. The ones I suggested?" He chuckles but the smile goes just as quick as it came.
"Does this change anything?" I ask, feeling like it has. Jasper's acting funny. He harshly rubs his face and blows out a breath and sits up straight.
"No, no! It's good between us. We're good, I'm surprised, that's all." He rushes to say and he briefly meets my eye before continuing. I don't really believe him but I brush it off. Jasper's a big boy, he can talk to me if he's got a problem.

"So what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Oh yes..."