Our Secret

Fahmeen's POV:

"Have you heard yet?!"

Georgia's rushing towards me, I can imagine her backpack harshly smacking her behind.
"Heard what?" I take out my books from my locker, and she stands next to me catching her breath.

"We're getting a new principal."
"Oh. It's kind of a weird time, as in right now?"
"Well, Mr. Allen's kind of having a nervous breakdown. Apparently-
She comes closer, quietening her voice.
"Harriet was having a meeting with him in his office, and she was telling everyone how he just started freaking out."
I'm trying to piece things together, figure things out with all this information. I feel like a big change is coming.

"Harriet was there?" I ask, wandering why she was meeting with the principal of our school. She's been acting odd lately as well, out of character. I wouldn't say I'm worried, more intrigued. Speaking of her, she brushes past us knocking our shoulders. Harriet doesn't even look our way. Her behaviour is so odd.
Georgia scoffs and rolls her eyes but I just stare after her.

"Anyways that wasn't even the big news. Apparently, the new principal is hot." She winks.
"Interesting." I say distractedly.

"How's things with Aston?"
We're walking to lesson.
She sighs, smiling at her thoughts.
"Wonderful. We should go on a date. All of us."
I know what she's hinting at and I admit, it's horrible hiding my first real relationship from her. I suddenly feel sad thinking of how dishonesty has become such an integral part of me and Rolf. It wasn't our fault but it still hurt. Sooner or later the truth will come out.

"You know I can't do that."
"But why? Come on you have to give me something. Why the secrecy? Who is he?" She stops us walking and I'm anxious as people hurriedly walk past us. Some irritated, so I take Georgia to the side.

"I'm sorry Geo-
"No I don't want to hear an apology, Fahmeen. Why? Why can't you tell me? Do you not trust me?" She's getting upset and I'm not sure how to stop this from escalating.
"Georgia, my own mother doesn't know who he is."
She just stares and doesn't say anything.
"So I shouldn't either."

She harshly exhales and crosses her arms.
"I don't get it. But fine. You're gonna have to tell me someday."
We start walking again.
"And I will, when I'm ready." I look at her pleadingly. There was a lump in my throat, this was getting difficult.

...

I was ignoring the multiple messages from my phone. I knew who it was. Rolf looked concerned watching me get the bus home. I didn't stop to say hi or ask to come over. I wasn't in the right head space. Especially not after the conversation with Georgia.

I'm lying on my bedroom floor. I stare at the ceiling. It's plain and uninteresting. I would describe that as me yet I can't escape trouble. I tilt my head to the side, no longer looking up. All my failures rush back to my head, haunting me. My eyes want to cry but no tears come. I just want to have one good thing to myself, untainted. No strings.

"Fahmeen?" My mother softly knocks on the door and opens it a little.
"Your teacher called. He's worried about you."
"Mum I need to tell you something." I sit up. Heart beating fast. Sweaty palms. I need to tell someone.
"What's wrong?"
She sits on my bed and I look in her eyes. She looks so peaceful. My mother doesn't get that often.

So how can I tell her? Break her trust of me. She'll never look at me the same way. There would always be a kink in our relationship. I couldn't have that. I won't. My mother means everything.
"N-nothing. I'm just tired." I wipe away my tears and she sees them, much to my dismay.
"I know it's getting hard with all the exams. But just think, once they're over. That's it. Everything will go back to normal."
Back to normal... somehow I doubted that.

Fahmeen's POV:

There's a knock on my bedroom door and it's so quiet you could barely hear it.
"Fahmeen?"
It's Jay. His voice is one of concern, soft almost like talking to a defenceless animal. He comes in, slowly turning the doorknob and I presume he's giving me a chance to refuse him. I don't. I've been sitting up here all day. I haven't gone to school either. I know it's bad for my studies but I can't think about that now. My head has been festering with guilt and heart is torn. Thinking about decisions too important and big. I knew my stress levels were at an all time high.

My brother gingerly walks in. Dressed in black from head to toe as per usual. I'm back on the floor, the ceiling looks the same. He doesn't say anything but just sits against the wall and looks at me. I can imagine questions burning inside his head. He probably thinks I've gone into my depression again.

"Is it school?"

"A little bit."
"Is it someone in school?"
I picture Rolf. I imagine Georgia. Emilio and Shania flash through my mind.
"Y-yes." A tear or two leaks down my cheek.
"Is someone messing with you?" His voice takes a menacing turn.
I shake my head no, even though I remember those notes.

I sigh and sit up.
"I don't exactly know. I'm just trying to deal with everything at school and at home right now. Did you hear about the argument from a few months ago?"
He stays quiet for a bit.
"Yes. Mum told me."
I nod. I guess he knows what I did too. We don't say anymore about that.
"Have you been taking your pills?"
I look at him and slowly nod. He breathes out a quiet sigh of relief.
"That's good. Okay, look. I'm struggling to deal with my party planning and Sam is getting pissy at me for being so... useless. Help us out?"
Jay gives me his helpless/desperate face. He doesn't do that often. I cave and accept his plea. A party seemed a welcome distraction.

...

My sister doesn't say anything but smiles instead as she sees me approach the dining table covered in streamers and other decorations.
"Where's mum?" I ask before getting stuck in.
"She's food shopping. Did you want anything specific?" Sam says softly.
"Nah. Just wandering." I say.
"We were going to go watch Spider-Man? Wanna come?" She says eagerly. I really didn't feel like going to the cinema. I loved that place with a substantial portion of my heart, but a distracted mind never bode well in front of a worthy movie.
"I'm good. I'd prefer staying home."
"Okay." My brother says and he shares a look with my sister. I try to ignore it.

...

It was evening and my family were off to the cinema. I glance at my phone and see a combination of texts and calls from both Georgia and Rolf. I quickly text back Georgia I'm okay and I'll be back at school tomorrow. With Rolf, my hand hovers over the screen. He's sent me messages showing his worry for me.
I want to see him.

There's a knock on the front door and I know I didn't order pizza.
The front door opens to reveal him.
My body relaxes at the sight but he looks dishevelled.
He sighs loudly.

"You're okay." He's breathing heavy and he pulls me into a possessive hug. I welcome it and sink into his huge body. The jumper he's wearing feels soft against my skin.
I feel him still and I'm quick to reassure him no one else is home.
"Good, I'm coming in." He says and walks inside, holding my hand. He leads me upstairs and I show him to my room.

We stand near my bed and I watch as he pulls off his jumper. His top less body lies down onto my bed and he then pats the space next to it.
"Come here."
I wait a few seconds, I know the movie will keep them away for a few hours. His head is propped up against the headboard and his eyes are waiting for me. His breathing is steady and I want to feel him around me. I slowly walk towards him. He doesn't stop his eye contact and I climb next to him. I lie my head on his chest and my arm wraps around him.
He sighs and holds me firmly.

"What's going on?" He whispers. I can feel his fingers stroking my hip.
"I'm struggling to keep our secret."
I won't hide anything from him. My ear is close to his heart and I hear it quicken.

"I know what I should do." He says, voice firm. I can see it in his eyes, the decision to end this floating around.
"But I don't want to. I can't." He sits up taking me with him. His hand is on my face, bringing us closer. I see conflict in his eyes.

"I think I should tell you about Jessie."