The Big News

Fahmeen's POV:

"What do you think they're talking about?" Mum asks. We sit on kitchen stools and anxiously wait as we can hear muffled conversations from the living room.
"Not too sure." I admit. I wandered what Rolf would want to know. What could he get out from a father that barely knew his kids? That never loved his wife? What can you learn from such a man?

"I'll make dinner. Make sure your teacher stays and eats please." Mum goes off to start on something. I go off in search of my siblings.
My sister's in her room, music playing whilst she paints her nails. I walk over to my brother's room, the door is closed of course. I've hardly seen him since that argument he had with our father. It must've been significant if he refuses to leave his room much. I knock and wait. No answer.
"It's me."

"Come in." I hear him say. I open the door and find him on his computer, headphones on and videos playing.
He takes it off and turns his chair to face me.
"You're going tomorrow, aren't you?"
He nods and I see his eyes look at his bed. His suitcase is already packed.

"What happened before I came home? Between you and mum?"
I wasn't prepared for this. Did he really have to bring that up?
"That argument. Nobody has talked about it since it happened. I want to know, it's changed something in our family."
He was right. I've stopped thinking about it to be honest.
I sigh and sit on his bed.

"Well, it started off with something small. I rarely argue with mum but this thing really ticked me off. Don't ask I can't remember. Anyways, from that it turned into something quite ugly. Mum just reacted to it really viscously. You should've seen her face, it was like she truly despised me. That's how I felt. Like, she regretted having me."

My brother looked taken aback. I had to say what I truly felt.

"Yeah I know it sounds crazy but that's why everything kind of imploded. She wasn't understanding me and apparently I was showing attitude. She swore and I struggled to hold my tongue from saying something I'd regret. So... I left."
Jay looks at me confused.
"Like leave the house left?"
I nod.

"It was 3 in the morning. I felt like I wanted to scream. I couldn't deal with my emotions so I put my coat and shoes on and left the house. Sam was worried and immediately came after me. I slowed her down by shutting doors after me. I managed to get out of sight outside, no one was following me. I ignored any texts and calls. I remember crying... laughing... my heart was pumping. I wasn't scared being alone in the dark. I loved it. I needed it. I didn't want to come home."

"Eventually I answered a call and it was Sam. She sounded scared and angry and I kept apologising. I told her I was fine and that she didn't have to worry. But I couldn't explain why I was out here. I didn't understand it either all I knew was that it felt right to do it. I had to physically get out of the house to free the weight of my own mind."

"I walked into her whilst we were talking and she was relieved. I secretly wasn't. But... I guess that's is. That was the big drama. Sounds kinda pathetic now, hearing it back."

"I can't believe you'd just walk out in the middle of the night. With all those freaks out there."
I shrug because I honestly couldn't answer that. He's pissed at what I did, I understand.

I continue nevertheless.
"But after that, slowly we started talking again. It was civil. It was distant. But it was something. Eventually, it became familiar. I think having you back really has helped."

"Not that that matters anymore. Because of him." Jay says and I can't help but agree.
"We'll just have to try harder. Once he's gone, we'll have to try our hardest to save what family we have."
"Without me." Jay says apologetically.
"It is what it is." I shrug.

"Come down for dinner. Professor Rolf is here, you should meet him. He's... important."
My brother gives me a funny look and then just shrugs. I wander if I should've said that but he follows me regardless. I knock on Sam's door as we walk past.
"Come eat with us!"

"Nah I'll pass. He's gonna be there. I'll eat later." Me and Jay look at each other. We understand her intolerance of our father. He's committed some despicable acts against her.

...

We enter the dining area, mum's started on laying out the table. Her numerous pots of food are simmering away. We help her out, plates and cutlery fished out of the drawers to be placed on the table. My stomach rumbles at the food. A pang of intense hunger makes me freeze as I'm putting down a plate. My brother notices as nothing gets past him.
"You okay?"
I smile and nod, hoping he'd brush it off. Instead, he watches me from then on as I attempt to carry on; ignoring the cramps that follow. I had to remember to not touch my stomach. I think that would be too obvious.

"Okay, watch out." Mum walks over to the table, carrying a heavy pot. Jay immediately goes to help but she insists on putting it down herself.
She sighs.
"I think it came out alright for an impromptu dish."

I wander why she was so nervous? Was it because of both my father's and Rolf's presence? She thought a lot, maybe too much sometimes. I smile at her, hoping to ease the frown on her face.
"Alright, call them in."
"I'll do it." I say before my brother offers. He sits down and so does mum.

I leave for the living room and wait a second before going in.
"Mum's made dinner. You should stay Rolf."
Rolf stands up seeing me and I see his otherwise dull expression turn lighter. I think he's a little relieved.
"Great." He says and looks to my dad, who stays sitting.
"You coming?" Rolf asks him. I wait for his answer. My father looks at him and then quickly at me. I look away.
"Okay."
My eyes find Rolf's before I turn away.

...

The only person who's attempted a conversation so far has a name beginning with R.
On the plus side, my brother finally met the man I'm in love with. And soon to be father... of a child he doesn't know of yet. They got along really well, actually. And then it kind of got quiet once they realised they were the only two people talking in a room full of five.

"Where's Sam, doesn't she want to eat?" Mum asks, her face disappointed. I know she knows why but she always asks.
You know why. I imagine that's what Jay whispered to her.

"So, are you planning on teaching at the academy for long?" My brother asks Rolf. Rolf doesn't expect the question and I don't understand why he suddenly looks guilty. He puts down his cutlery.
Clearing his throat, he says,
"Actually, I have been looking at other options." I see that he briefly looks at me, the guilt is shadowing his green eyes. What does he mean?

"Oh right, what are these options?"
Rolf now looks down right uncomfortable and his hands go on his lap. I'm hesitant but I put my hand over his. He doesn't react or move away as I hold it. I try to help.
"Look, maybe Professor Rolf doesn't want to talk-
"Amistad Academy." He interrupts. I feel him grip my hand, as if he's afraid I'll let go.
"I've been offered a senior position at a high school in New England."
I try to let go of him but he grips tighter.
"That's in America, right?" My brother persists and I shut my eyes. That's why it was familiar. The leaflet in his apartment was from that school. That mysterious week away when we had Miss. Granger. He was in America, checking out his new office. I can't believe this.

"I know that because I have a friend there. It's a beautiful state."
I hear my brother speaking and Rolf replying but they're fading away. Instead, white noise infiltrates my brain. Everything's going fuzzy. I need to get out of here.

"I need to go." I stand up and everyone looks at me. Even my father. His expression is curious. My mothers' is worried, Jay is too. He probably thinks it's to do with before. Maybe it is a little. But I need to get away right now. It feels like before. My mind feels overwhelmed. I should have taken my pills.

"Fahmeen, please don't."
I hear Rolf behind me as I run. There's no plan. My legs are taking me to the front door. There's footsteps behind me.
"What's going on?!" My sister says from the stairs. She's scared and confused again. I hate myself for what I keep doing to her. To all of them. It's better this way. I pull the door open before they catch me.

...

I'm outside and it's really cold. I've ran so far away, their voices are distant now. Rolfs' was the first to go because it transferred into his car. I avoided roads which had any traffic. It was dark. A cold evening and flickering street lights surrounded me. I felt tired but I smiled as I could touch my stomach again. It felt warm. I'm going to keep you safe.

I couldn't tell you where I am. My phone stopped buzzing a while ago once I put it on silent. I was worried someone would hear it and drag me back. I just need a moment. I made a promise to myself I wouldn't do anything irrational, for my baby.