Chapter 36

UNEDITED




It was dark and cold, Sabrina was walking outside her home feeling like someone was watching her. Her body began to tremble with fear, and matter how much she tried, she couldn't move any faster.

She wanted to turn around and go back into the safety of her home, only she couldn't, her legs seemed to have a mind of their own.

The sounds of dogs barking startle her. She jumps back and looks at a neighbors gate.

Two large Dogs continually growl and bark at her. She nervously takes a few slow steps back. Her back comes into contact with someone.

She gasps as she turns around. It was an unknown man smiling at her. It's wasn't a friendly smile. It was an evil smile, it was a smile that told her she was surely in danger.

Suddenly he grabs her upper arms harshly and pushed to the ground. "

"No!"She screams while trying to move her arms. She couldn't.

"No! No! No! Stop!"


"Sabrina."

"No! Stop! Please!" She continues to scream while pushing scratching and kicking the man.

"Sweetheart it's ok. It's just me. You're having a bad dream."

The sound of Nathan's soothing voice shakes her to the real world. She was still laying on her bed near him. He was halfway on top of her and staring down with concern.

His left-hand holds her cheek, and his thumb gently rubs her jawline. "You're ok." He affirms softly.

She was still breathing heavily and fright in her eyes. "I." She mumbles out.

"It's ok." He reassures again. He then pulls her to lay on his chest. The move was to make her feel safe, but he needed to calm her. It was unbearable seeing her in any kind of pain. He rubbed her arms up and down in a comforting way while her body was still shaking.

He brings his lips near her forehead and kisses lightly. He knew she was dreaming of the attack. "You want to talk about it?"


"Just hold me please." She trembles.

He tightens his hold.


Sabrina began replaying her dream. She knew is stemmed from the attack on her life. She felt disgusted by the way the man touched her. It was the last thing she wanted as a memory. She can't even remember what's it's like to be with a man. She didn't want the only feeling she knew to be that dream. She wanted to know what it feels like to be with her husband, not that nightmare.

"Nathan." She began gently moving her hand on his bare stomach.

"Yes, sweetheart."

"I can't remember what it's like to be with you. My body, it recognizes you. It's craving yours.

As she speaks his heart hammers.

"Sabrina." He voices in a pleading tone. He barely had any restraint with her. He pretended to be asleep last night but he couldn't get away with that tonight. If she kept this up, he knew he was going to give in, but was it worth the price of losing her long term?

Noticing his change in breathing, she runs her down below his belly button.
With a low growl, Nathan grabs her hands.

"Sabrina, you're not ready." He takes her hands and kisses it gently. He didn't know how much longer he could hold out. She wanted him and he definitely wanted her.
Only, he knew that if he had any chance of keeping her, he shouldn't do this. She was already having dreams. Her memory could come back at any time. When it does, he didn't want her to think he was taking advantage of the situation.

She was making it extremely hard though. Is this how a man who is addicted to drugs feels when he can't get his high? Or an ex-addict who has his vice of choice being waved in his face for the taking?
"Trust me, my love, I want you very much, but you're not ready." He lays her hand on his chest.
"Now sleep." He orders.

Sabrina lays in silence listening to his heart race. She moves her hand rubbing his chest.

He grabs it quickly. "Please sweetheart, sleep."

"Nathan." She whimpers out.

"Don't." He protests.

"Is it wrong for you to kiss me?" She continues anyway.

"You make me a weak man." He admits huskily as he lays her down, then he presses his hot mouth on hers softly.

He doesn't kiss her on her lips long, he moves to her jaw and neck. Feeling her slightest movements indicating her arousal. "If I continue to kiss you, we both know it will lead to more."

"Was I raped?" She asks just as he kisses below her ear. It so out of the blue and probably not at the best moment, but that question has been itching to fall off her lips. She was afraid that that's what the big secret was.

He rises to look at her. "If you were raped my love, I would be in jail for murder right now."

"Then why are you so distant?"

"Sabrina."He groans.

"I'm different aren't I?"

"You're not." He almost yells as he drops himself back on the bed beside her.

"Then what is it that you're not telling me? Something isn't right I just know it."

He knew this was the chance to tell her, the circumstances of their past. It was almost out the tip of his tongue until the thought of her reaction crossed his mind. If she knew that they were in the process of divorce, her stubborn mind would refuse to stay here, and probably raise hell to leave.
Then what would he do? How would he keep her here and safe? She has no idea of the danger she was in and still is. Those men were hired and are refusing to talk. It's just a matter of time before more men are sent out.

He knew that she was being targeted because of him. He has many enemies, especially in the business world. His biggest enemy at the moment is this own father. He has the motive to want Sabrina dead. He didn't want to believe that it was possible, but he saw the hatred in Desmond's eyes and wouldn't put anything past him.

"There's nothing." He hears himself say.

"Is it wrong to want to move on from this? I feel like I've landed in someone else's body. Somehow, I feel like myself but, at the same time, I don't, and by you acting as if I'm a stranger, doesn't help me feel any type of normalcy."

He takes a deep breath. ”I didn't mean to be a stranger to you. I only want to keep you safe."

"By locking me up and making me spend my time alone?"

"No…” Not at all. I'm sorry when you put it like that, it sounds selfish."

"So... is it possible you could go from being my bodyguard to my husband?"

Knowing it was to tell her the truth or lie to keep her safe. He chooses to keep her safe.

"Yes of course, but I still don't feel you are ready for us to make love."

"But.." Sabrina barely mumbles before she feels Nathan's palm caress her cheek. He nudges her face some close to his that their noses touch.

"Believe me sweetheart it's not because I don't want to." He turns her body to spoon her. "Sleep.."

After much thinking, they fall asleep.


Over the next couple of weeks, Nathan didn't live in his office. He actually became very attentive towards her. He took her out to dinner, movies, a show, and bowling. They talked and laughed when they were with each other. Their problems temporarily we're buried.

In the nights he would kiss her passionately and roam her body with his eager hands but he still refused to make love to her. There was no hiding that he wanted her though.

She ultimately stops trying to get him to. Instead, she enjoyed what he did give her but, as time passed she started to feel like she wanted more out of life. It was time they move on from the incident. She wanted to have kids and watch them grow up. She wanted to be able to leave her house as she pleases, go shopping, visit her family. A job, school, something.


Although the thoughts of wanting these things, she spoke nothing. She was trying to be content, but she kept feeling like she was living in a dream, and soon someone was going to wake her up and tell her that this isn't her life.

She sat alone a lot in the beautiful back yard, listening to nature, her mind constantly uneasy.

She felt lost all the time. Something was missing and she knows it's memory's, but she just couldn't remember. Her father came to mind a lot. She wanted the memory of his last couple of years back.

Over the last few months, she tried hard not to think about all the time she missed with him. Maybe that's what made her have that uneasy feeling.
A sharp gasp leaves Sabrina's mouth suddenly. Strong hands gripping her shoulder startles her. She was sitting on a lawn chair on the patio staring at the open blue night sky.

"Hey." Nathan plants a kiss on her forehead and sits on the lawn chair sideways beside her. He was just coming out of the office.

"You scared me."

"I'm sorry." He runs a hand down her cheeks before letting it drop.

"You know, I'm sure I've told you this before, but you're nothing like what I thought you were." She admits, feeling the tingle that ran down her spine when he touched her. That uneasiness feeling gone.

"Oh yeah?" He smiles a smile that told her he was intrigued.

"Yep, I've read about a cold detached man who had absolutely no patience. Not to mention your lack of commitment issues, But you're not like that at all. You're sweet, kind, caring, and surprisingly patient." As she spoke she saw his eyes roam the ground feeling uncomfortable with those kinds of complements.

"Only with you." He admits when he connects with her eyes... "Come on, let's go upstairs."

Pulling her along he suddenly she squeaks when he scoops her into his arms and carries her the rest of the way to their room. He gently puts her in the bed and slides in under the fluffy white cotton blanket. He pulls her to lay on his chest and grabs the tv remote.

"What do you want to watch?" He scans channels.

"Anything." She mumbles in his chest while throwing her legs over his, and feeling the warmth of his body.

Nathan scans the guide and settles on sports. He held on to her and began to do something he didn't know how to do before he met her, Relax. After a few minutes of silence, and her body getting heavy, he tilts his head and notices her asleep.

He brings his lips to her forehead and whispers. "I love you." He then turns off the tv and closes his eyes.

"Nathan," Sabrina whispers in the darkness.

"Yeah." His tone is low.

"I love you too."

His whole body tenses. His heart slams a mile a minute against his chest and his breathing turns rough and wild.
He never thought those words could mean so much to him. He grabs her jaw and brings his harsh mouth onto hers. He lost it.

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