Chapter 218
Katelina drew away from Jorick and moved to Rachel's side. She knelt next to her. The cold snow melted through the knees of her jeans. She tentatively touched the redhead's shoulder. As if that simple action had opened the flood gates, Rachel's tears turned to deep, wracking sobs. Katelina froze, suddenly unsure, but Rachel turned to her. The hurt on her face made Katelina's heart break and she reached out to her.
Rachel fell into her arms. Her body shook from the power of her pain. Tears of sympathy leaked from Katelina's eyes and left hot trails down her cold face. Instinctively, she rocked Rachel and murmured all of the stupid useless words that people said to one another in times of trial; all the mumblings that meant nothing. She suddenly realized that though the words were meaningless, the fact that someone cared enough to say them was what mattered.
"He's dead," Rachel choked out. "Oh God, he's dead!"
"Shhhh," Katelina murmured as the foul smelling fire popped and sent up a shower of sparks. "It's all right."
"No, it isn't!" Rachel drew away and held up her bloody hands. She stared at them in horror. "It's his blood. His blood! It's everywhere! It's everywhere!" She broke into shaking sobs again and would have fallen on her face if Katelina hadn't caught her. "How am I supposed to live without him? What am I supposed to do? It was only all right because he was here! He was the only thing that made all of this okay! I don't want to live without him! I don't!"
Katelina's insides echoed every one of Rachel's words. She knew them by heart because she'd felt them before, not so long ago, in the throne room of Kateesha's stronghold when she'd thought Jorick was dead. That horrible dizzying emptiness that sucks at you until there's nothing left inside but raw agony.
Saeed's song ended. The other vampires stepped forward and each said a few words, though Katelina didn't hear them over Rachel's cries. When they were done, they drew back towards the house, except for Jorick and Joseff. The latter dropped into the snow and gently took Rachel's shoulders. He pulled her away from Katelina. "Come, it will be dawn soon."
Rachel shook her head fiercely. "Promise me Thomas will die."
"Yes," Joseff said softly. "We'll kill him, together."
"No," Rachel whispered. "Without Kale- Just promise me!" She turned to him with desperate, pleading eyes.
Joseff swallowed hard. His face twisted and his hands tightened on her thin shoulders. "I promise. Now come inside."
Rachel sagged with relief. "Leave me. Katelina can help me when I'm ready."
Joseff growled low in his throat. "The sun will come soon, Rachel. Now is not the time to trust the human."
Rachel's face hardened and her spine straightened. "Can't you ever do one God damn thing you're asked to do? Why do you always have to argue and complain? If you'd only gone with him that night, like I asked, but you wouldn't! And they took him to that institute, because he was alone, and now look! Look at all that's happened! For the love of God, just leave me!"
Joseff flinched away as if she'd slapped him. "Fine, Rachel. Do as you please." He jerked to his feet. "You can seek me out when your bitterness has left you!"
Katelina met Jorick's eyes as Joseff stormed away. "I'm going inside." His voice was carefully neutral but worry and reluctant alarm flickered across his face.
She nodded, unsettled by his expression. He reached out for her, hesitated and then laid his hand on her head. "I'll wait up for you. I love you. I wish I could spare you from all the pain in the world, but we all make our own choices." Then he turned and walked briskly towards the house before she could ask what he meant.
Rachel sagged back into the snow. Her eyes skipped past the glowing fire and went straight to the sky overhead. Katelina stared at her hands. She couldn't find words important enough to break the heavy silence and, as the minutes ticked by, it got harder and harder.
Her wrist ached and her jeans were wet. The fire burned smaller, more wood smoke than anything else. The smell was strangely comforting; like Halloween and Christmas together. The air around them thickened, heralding the approaching dawn. Birds started to sing in the distance and Katelina finally cleared her throat. "It's almost morning. We'd better go in."
Rachel nodded, her attention still on the stars overhead. Something shifted in her eyes. "It was a night like this the first time he told me he loved me." She took a shuddering breath, but a strange smile crept over her lips. "It was at least a month after that stupid ball." She wiped her eyes with a dirty hand and Katelina nodded helplessly.
"We went for a walk, and I lamented the absence of the flowers. He said he didn't need them because I was as pretty as a flower myself. Oh, how he could flatter a person." The strange smile grew. "Of course, I told him he was either a fool, a madman, or both. He just looked right into my eyes and said, 'No, I'm in love'. I was too shocked and stupid to understand, and all I could do was stare at him like he'd dropped out of the sky, so he said 'I love you, Rachel, and I'm going to ask Thomas if you can leave'." She shook her head. "It just broke my heart when Thomas refused. After that, he kept me locked up and wouldn't let Kale near me."
The birds' song grew louder and Katelina thought she could see the stars disappearing one by one, though Rachel went on.
"And then they came. It was nearly summer, and it was hot as Hades down in that root cellar. I'd given up trying to get out by then. Everyone figured Kale'd lost interest, so there was only one guard. Kale killed him, and then he tore the doors right off the hinges and came charging down those stairs like a furious, avenging angel, Joseff right behind him." She sighed sadly. "I am sorry for hurting Joseff like that. It was a mean thing to do, but he wouldn't go away. You will tell him I'm sorry?"
A sick feeling started in Katelina's stomach. "I'm sure he'll talk to you. He obviously cares about you."
"Oh, of course he does, or he thinks he does because Kale did. That's the way they were: what Kale had, Joseff wanted. But don't think badly of him for it. He loved that man like his own brother." Tears choked her for a moment but she plunged on. "He couldn't help himself. He came from such a bad life. His mother was an Indian - Native American they say now - and his father was a trapper and back then people were cruel to what they called 'half breeds'. It shouldn't matter who your parents are or what color your skin is, but there you go. It always has and it always will to somebody. I just wish Joseff could come to terms with himself the way Saeed has. He and his brother were slaves, taken all the way from Africa. They fell under a vampire's ownership and that's how they got turned. I hear tell they murdered their Master shortly afterwards, but I don't know for sure."
The sky continued to lighten and the stars dropped away, leaving the expanse above them a blank slate waiting to be written on. The air changed and the breeze carried the scent of dawn. Panic knotted in Katelina's stomach. "Rachel, the sun. We should go in."
The redhead gazed at the fire. "Oh, honey, I ain't going in."
The cold panic spread as the words filtered through. "But the sun-It'll-You'll be-"
Rachel nodded. "I know it might be cruel to ask you to stay with me, but no one else can and I-I don't wanna be alone. It's kinda scary, and I thought if I had someone else here-" she trailed off and looked at Katelina's horror stricken face. "Now don't look like that!" She patted Katelina's hand. "It's going to be just fine. Just a little while and I'll get to see the sun rise. Lordy, do you know how long it's been since I saw that? I hope it's a pretty one. I'd like to see a pretty one."
Katelina forced herself to her feet. "Come on," she pleaded. "Let's go inside and you'll feel better."
Rachel pulled her back down to the snow. "No, I won't. I'm never gonna feel better again, and we both know it." She leveled her gaze with Katelina's, violet eyes staring into blue. "Would you want to look at eternity without Jorick? Knowing that every day you'll wake up and be alone? That you'll never hear his laugh again or see his smile or even hear him yell. Lord, what I wouldn't give just to hear him yell at me right now." She fought a wave of misery. "I don't wanna go on like this without him. I made my mind up on that point a long, long time ago. When Thomas turned me, I was so full of despair and misery. I hated him. I hated me. Then Kale came, and he made it all okay. Everything was all right, so long as he was here. But it won't be all right anymore." She swallowed hard.
"That night, after he took me back to Claudius' den, he told me something. He said 'We'll always be together, no matter what. Nothing's going to keep you away from me ever again'. And I promised him that, too. Don't you see?" Her eyes turned urgent. "This death is doing just that. He's there, and I'm still here. And since I can't bring him back to life, then I guess I have to die to be with him." She grabbed Katelina's good hand and squeezed it so tight that it hurt. "Just stay with me, please? I know it's weak, but I don't wanna be alone. Poor Kale, he already had to go alone."
