Chapter 86
Jorick's voice caressed Katelina's consciousness in soft murmurs, "Katelina, it's all right. I'm here. It's all right."
She tried to open her eyes, but couldn't. She was trapped somewhere between awake and asleep, unable to scream out loud. "Jorick!" she shouted silently before that final image of him flashed through her mind. His eyes were blank and full of blood lust, his face more animal than man, like Nirel's had been while he drank from her. Her mind shuddered. Jorick was a monster, no different from the others. He could kill her on a whim, drain her blood, drink her life, or destroy her with coursing pain like Claudius had tried to do.
Jorick's voice answered her, soft and soothing, "I am what I am, Katelina. I can't change that, any more than you can change what you are."
"No!" she tried to shout. "No, Jorick! Why?" She'd have sobbed if she could. She felt broken and defeated, disillusioned and destroyed.
"Why what? Why did I do that? Or why am I like this? What do you want to know? Ask me and I'll answer you."
"Why?" her mind simply repeated, not sure what she wanted, or even where she was. She didn't know if she was alive or dead.
"No, you're alive," his silken voice assured her gently. "You'll live, but not exactly as you have before." There was a pause. "I'm sorry. I couldn't save you any other way."
"What do you mean?" she asked silently, panic swelling. "What have you done?" Had he made her a vampire?
His chuckle was more sad than amused. "No, I didn't make you one of us. Your thoughts are clear enough."
The pain and misery that would normally ache in her chest danced around her in the void of nothingness. Some part of her was sobbing and she lost her thoughts to it.
Jorick's voice came at last, haltingly, "Why do you think I sent you away, Katelina? You don't belong in the world of blood and darkness. You should have gone home, where you'd be safe."
"I tried. Loren didn't come, they did."
"I know now," he soothed. "I know."
Anger swam around, floating in the void and filling her consciousness. How did he know? Had he read her thoughts, her memories? Was no part of her sacred from him?
"I didn't do it on purpose. It's a part of the process."
"What process? What have you done to me?"
"I'm sorry." She felt liquid sorrow wash around her, but knew it wasn't her own. "I didn't plan to do it, but there was nothing else. There was no other way."
Cold fear quenched her fury. What had he done to her? Why wouldn't he just tell her? Where was she? What had he done?
"You're asleep," his voice was a caress. "You'll wake soon. You need rest."
"How are you talking to me if I'm asleep? Are you in my dreams as well?" The anger reappeared in the space around where she seemed to float. She could see her emotions crash around her like waves of water, ever changing.
Jorick's voice was weary, "No, this is no dream. This is the in-between space," he paused. "It's a side effect of The Linking."
"The Linking?" What in the hell was that? A memory swam to the surface:
Claudius, his eyes cold, "They're not linked, are they?"
Troy balked visibly. "Linked? No, I don't think so. No one does that anymore-"
"Says who?"
What had Jorick done?
"You don't want to know," he replied softly. "Sleep now, little one."
"No! Jorick! Jorick!" But the swirling blackness pressed in against her and she was lost to the land of dreams.
***
She woke with a scream and struggled, unsure if her eyes were open or closed. Flashes of a blood soaked nightmare were laid out fresh before her: Adam's heart crushed to a pulp, Jorick's mouth wrapped around a pale throat, Velnya's haunted eyes, her painted face streaked with blood.
An arm caught her and tightened around her waist. "Shhhhh," a voice whispered from the darkness. "Be still."
She fought on until she was free, only aware of the blankets around her a moment before she tumbled off the bed and landed on the floor.
Jorick sighed, and then the light clicked on and illuminated the familiar basement bedroom. He knelt next to her, and gently laid a hand on her shoulder. "Are you all right?"
"How the hell should I know?" she asked angrily, and jerked herself into a sitting position. She glanced down to find she was dressed in the lacy red nightie. Her head snapped up to see Jorick patiently crouched next to her, wearing only a pair of black pants. She blinked at him stupidly and tried to reconcile the things she remembered with what she saw and felt. She should have been half dead! Was it all a dream?
She let Jorick tug her to her feet. Her mind spun in confusion as she tried to grasp memories of the last few days. Absently, she brought her free hand to her neck and touched the spot where she thought the knife had cut her. Her fingers found a lumpy scar; a lumpy scar that hadn't been there before.
Jorick let go of her and stepped back. "That's the other side effect," he said softly.
"Side effect?" She blinked as the memories of the "in-between space" filed neatly into place. The blood drained from her face and her heart raced. "No," she whispered. "No."
"Yes." He nodded his head, but refused to meet her eyes. "That's why I did it, to heal you."
She continued to rub the scar again and again, as if she expected it to go back to the tiny, familiar mark. "Did what? Some linkage thing?" Her eyes burned into him and he flinched
"The Linking," he corrected. "And yes." He swallowed and met her gaze. His face was unreadable, but his eyes asked her for forgiveness.
She lifted her hands to the sides of her head and tried to comprehend. "And what is that?"
"It's aptly named." He switched to the teacher/child tone he so often used when he explained things to her, a detached and unfeeling voice. "It does just that, links a master to his Human."
"His Human," she whispered, and suddenly felt ill. "Just how does it 'link' them?"
"It links their minds, their thoughts, their memories, even dreams. They say that, if used correctly, a master can see what they see, hear what they hear." He cleared his throat and looked away.
The meaning of his words filtered through slowly, and then she understood. He could - no! No! "You did what?" she cried, shocked and horrified.
"I had no choice-" he began, but she cut him off mid-sentence.
"You had no choice?" She shouted, waving her hands to punctuate her words. "No choice? For the love of God! One minute you throw me out and the next you link my brain with yours! That doesn't even make any sense! And now you can read my thoughts and see my dreams?" She willed herself to calm down, but it didn't happen. "No! No, you have to undo this!"
His eyes narrowed angrily and he shouted back at her, "I can't undo it, Katelina!"
"And you didn't even ask me!" Katelina spat. "You just decided it on your own? I suppose it's for my own good?"
"No, it wasn't!" he roared. In the face of his fury she froze and let her hands fall uselessly to her side. "I did it because if I didn't, you'd have bled to death in my arms, Katelina! I did it because I couldn't bear that! I'm selfish, fine! Call me selfish! Tell me how terrible I am, how I'm some monster from the darkness who deserves to be alone and miserable until my cursed existence comes to an end! Go ahead, say it!"
"You're selfish," she responded, with only half the conviction. Her eyes dropped away from his face.
Jorick gave an almost sadistic chuckle, then snapped, "Yes, I know. So where's the rest of it? Tell me what an inhuman monster I am. How much you hate me!"
"I don't hate you."
"Really?" he snapped. "You have an odd way of showing it!"
She glowered at him, furious again. "Do I? At least I don't lock myself in a room every night praying to my dead girlfriend!"
"Praying?" he demanded. "Praying? You think that I-" he broke off and anger raced across his face. "Of all the-" He clenched his teeth. "And she wasn't my girlfriend, Katelina. She was my wife."
Katelina laughed wildly and threw up her hands. "Of course she was! And then she left you because..." she trailed off, daring him to finish the sentence.
"She died," he snarled. "The humans took her; they dragged her through the fields and nailed her to a tree, then they set it on fire! Is that a good enough reason for you?"
Katelina froze; her mouth open, but wordless. She blinked at him, unsure what to feel or say. Of all the situations she'd imagined, Velnya's violent death wasn't one of them. "The letters?" she whispered.
"I sent them to her while I was away," his tone was heavy with controlled fury. "I was running errands for Malick and I didn't make it back in time. I told her not to fear the local population, even when they got suspicious and spread rumors about witchcraft! Witchcraft! What an antiquated idea, as if that meant anything! And who were they, anyway?" His voice got louder, angrier. "They were just petty humans who could do nothing to her, whose touch was but a breath of wind! And she listened! She listened!" he screamed. "When they came for her, she wouldn't even fight back! She pitied them! She pitied their weakness! She said she remembered what it was to be so fragile, so terrified, and that to fight them would only prove them right, so she did nothing, until the very end, and then it was too late. And where was I? I was busy! She died because I wasn't there to stop it! She was nailed to a tree and burned while I did my master's bidding! So, you know what? Maybe it was a shrine, but not to her! To my guilt! A reminder of what happens when you put the wrong priorities first! How is that, Katelina? Did that answer your question?"
Katelina's breath escaped in a little puff and all semblance of coherent speech left her. She could see the pain on his face and reached out for him, but he jerked away.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
"That makes two of us." He made as if to say more but shook his head instead. "When you think that you can face such a monster again, let me know." He turned away sharply and stormed from the room.
