Chapter 618
"What do you want?"
"Nothing." Katelina noticed teardrops sparkling on Torina's cheeks. "What's wrong?"
"I'm fine," Torina bit back. "And don't try reading my mind. You're not strong enough."
Ummm-"I wasn't going to."
"Right," Torina said bitterly. "As if I'd be allowed to have a private thought. They're privy to everything. Even her."
Her? "Uh"
"Etsuko." Torina took an angry puff. "And she's smug. Oh, she's smug. Oren doesn't know it. He's too logical and concrete. He can only hear her thoughts, see her memories. He can't feel them."
Feel them. Like Katelina could all the time. Jorick had said it was because she was more empathetic, but Torina-? "And you can?"
"Obviously! I can feel her delight every time he chooses her over me, every time he takes her side."
"Of course she's delighted. She's his-significant other."
"So was Jesslynn, for a good many more years, but that was easier to bear. It wasn't as if she gave him a choice, but this one-this one is sly. He thinks it's his choice, even when it isn't."
Sly didn't sound like Etsuko. "I sensed real affection from her last night."
"Did I say she didn't love him? Why do you think she has to protect her territory? There's nothing more selfish than love."
The words popped out of Katelina's mouth before she could stop them. "Except fear."
Torina's eyes bulged. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
But Katelina didn't know. "I"
"You sound like Jorick. But you're wrong, and he's wrong, and that little Japanese bit is wrong. I'm not afraid of being on my own. I-" Torina stuttered to a stop. "It isn't fair. I'm supposed to smile like a lady while Des is here, so desperate to save his new love. He couldn't see past his prejudices for me, couldn't forgive Jorick and admit he was wrong, but he can manage it for her. He can forgive, forget, and team up with his former enemy to save her. And I'm not supposed to care. I'm supposed to pretend everything is fine. I'm supposed to enjoy watching Oren and Etsuko dance around their relationship. Watching you and Jorick-even Loren has someone! And what do I have? Where is my beau? My husband? My children? My life?"
Katelina didn't know what to say, so she just stared.
Torina threw the cigarette butt into the damp grass and pushed off the barn. "Forget it. You wouldn't understand."
"I don't understand?" Katelina spat. "Are you joking? You've spent your whole life being beautiful and sought after while I've spent mine being wallpaper."
Torina glared. "Do you know what it's like to be beautiful, to be a doll, a mask, a one-dimensional creature, never allowed to want more? Men smile. Men flirt. They take you in the dark, then they leave, without ever seeing you!"
Katelina didn't know what to say. "I'm sure they see past it."
"I thought so once, but Armus proved me wrong. I can see by your face you don't know his name." Torina stepped closer. "He was beautiful and he was mine. I turned him, my only fledgling in all these years. I loved him, I protected him, and for what? For betrayal with Kateesha's fledgling!"
Katelina remembered the story. Kateesha turned a slave girl for a lover, and set her up on her former owners' plantationthen she caught her with Torina's mate. Furious, Kateesha killed Armus. Ever after, Torina swore he was innocent, that Kateesha only killed him because she couldn't have him for herself.
"I'm not stupid," Torina snapped. "I know. I knew then. I knew while he was with herwhile they were writing secret letters to one another with lemon juiceinvisible ink. Ha! But was I supposed to admit I knewadmit I tolerated it because I thought he was the only one who'd ever seen me? Not the mask, the perfect lady, but me? And he didn'the didn't! All he saw was a way to gain immortality, a means to an end he could later discard. Wouldn't Jesslynn have loved that? And my brother? Oh the hilarity. Poor, gullible Torina. Poor pathetic Torina who goes through men like water, who was engaged six times, yet never made it to the altar." She savagely wiped tears from her face.
Katelina staggered under a wash of emotion: betrayal, heartbreak, the determination to never be hurt again, the conflicting longing, and the unimaginable loneliness. There it was. The secret, the buried core of Torina. She wasn't just afraid, she was lonely, so lonely she was sick with it. There was no one for her, no one who chose her first, who would give up anything to keep her. No one cared.
Katelina took great gasping breaths and tried to push the feelings away. Not mine. Not mine.
Torina sneered. "Of course it's not yours. Why would it be? Go ahead. Enjoy it. Laugh."
"Why would I? It's not funny."
"Isn't it? Don't pretend. I know you despise me. I represent everything you hate, all the women you ever felt cheated you. The ones who got by on their beauty while you were ignored. But I'll tell you a secret, to me you represent every 'other woman'. You and your kindyou're the ones men marry, the ones they devote their lives to, the ones they chase across the country to rescue. I'm the pretty thing they look back at later and say 'I had that once,' while they snuggle in close to the one they love, and sometimes I get sick of it!"
"Is that why you hate me?" Katelina rubbed her chest, trying to remove the ache of Torina's emotions.
The vampiress made an irritated sound. "I don't hate you. I never hated you. Even when Jorick showed up at our mansion, and told me to back off, lest he lose youyou whom he didn't possess yet."
"Right. You didn't hate me because I was plain and insignificant."
Torina crossed her arms. "You are plain, but it's your own fault. You don't do anything, don't arrange your hair, or play up your eyes, or dress for your figure. Every woman can be beautiful if she plays to her strengths. You've never bothered."
"I'm fine the way I am," Katelina snapped, more irritated at the lingering hurt than at Torina.
"Yes, turn it into anger. It's easier, isn't it? As for being insignificant, you're no more insignificant than the rest of us. At least you forced Jorick to do something besides pretend to mourn a dead wife. The show was tedious. I'm glad to see it ended, and not in the arms of another weepy, weak, wisp who'd crumble at the first sign of trouble, like the last one."
Katelina knew who she meant: Velnya. Jorick's wife who'd been killed by humans more than a hundred years ago. The story went that, when humans dragged her from the house to burn her alive, she was so kind she didn't fight back until the end.
"Ridiculous," Torina said. "No woman is that good, except in a man's imagination. She was either so frightened she couldn't fight, or she expected Jorick to come and saw no reason to try. Anything else is a lie he's told himself over the years."
Katelina thought the same thing, but didn't want to admit it.
"He didn't love her," Torina added. "Not really. He wanted to take care of her, but it wasn't a love born of equals. Rather, almost a father to a child. Men get like that sometimes. They want a princess they can protect. The trouble is, to keep her a princess, they have to keep her pure, and untouchable. That gets old for both of them. Had she not died, they'd have parted anyway. He was quitting the Executioners. How long do you think they could have stood one another with no distractions?"
Katelina'd never thought about it; never contemplated the conflicting personalities. She'd secretly assumed that, had Velnya lived, they'd still be together, happy and hiding out in Nebraska.
Whether Torina read it in her mind, or saw it on her face, she wasn't sure. "No. He'd have been in the same place he was: finally dragged into my brother's war, watching over you from across the street."
"You mean spying?" Katelina asked sarcastically.
Torina laughed. It wasn't her usual silvery tinkle, but something throaty and real. "If only. He was playing the mighty protector, guarding you and loving every moment of it. It was misguided and idioticboth for Patrick to ask, and Jorick to acceptbut you should forgive him. He meant well."
"I have for the most part."
"You don't find it the tiniest bit sexy? That he sat across from your windows, pining, waiting for a chance to throw himself into harm's way to protect your life?" Torina dropped the over-dramatic voice to smirk. "I'm sure he's disappointed the romance novels lied to him."
"I know he reads everything, but romance novels? He wouldn't?" Torina's eyes sparkled and Katelina choked. "Seriously?"
"Of course. If it's printed, he can't resist it. Try it. Lay the sexiest, girliest romance novel you can find on the stand next to him. Though he may initially resist, by the end of the night he'll be buried in the pages."
Katelina wasn't sure. He was addicted to reading, but- "If I had one I would."
"I have a few. Remind me. I'll loan you one tomorrow." Torina stretched her arms in a move that left her playing with her bracelet. "As lovely as this little woman to woman chat has been, I believe I'll go inside and have a bubble bath. Jorick and Oren are on their way back from their walk. Good luck finding out what they're up to."
Before Katelina could process what had just happened, the vampiress sashayed toward the house.
