Chapter 81
Katelina was soon ready and she followed Jorick out the door and into the night. The velvet sky spread above them and snowflakes drifted down like bits of discarded feathers. Her breath puffed in front of her face in white clouds, and she hunkered down inside the too large coat to hide from the biting cold.
They walked in silence. Jorick led her through the snowy yard, and the stand of icy trees, to the grassland beyond. Despite the clouds, they could see the moon hanging low and full in the sky, its edges bleeding silver against the black.
They stopped just before they reached the beach, at the spot Katelina still thought of as the edge of the world. Snow covered the sand in heavy drifts that disappeared where the ocean lapped at it. It was odd, but she'd never thought about snow on the ocean before.
She turned to look at Jorick and found him standing motionless, his eyes closed. He took a deep breath and held it; savoring it as though he could taste something in the air that she couldn't. Then, he opened his dark eyes and caught her hand in his.
He took another deep breath, this one more of a sigh, and stared at the grass crushed beneath their feet. "Katelina," he began reluctantly.
"Yes?" she prompted. This was like their last walk, and yet something was different. There was some unnamable tension that hung over them like a thick shadow.
Jorick gazed up at the moon and tried again, "Katelina, you've healed now." He said it with such finality, as though it meant something had ended-
Something had ended.
"Yes," she agreed slowly. A thick tar-like fear began to engulf her. "And?"
He gazed at her, as if sizing her up. "There's no longer a need for you to remain here. Claudius is dead. Kateesha may try to seek you out, but if you're not with me then she would have no need." He stopped, waiting for her to say something.
She stared at him, uncomprehending. "You're saying I should go home?" This was something she'd once professed to want, but now the words tasted bitter on her tongue.
"Well, to your mother at least." His tone was even and his eyes bored into her, unflinching. "You're listed as a missing person; the police are looking for you. There are people who care and are worried."
Her heart froze in her chest as she realized the full implication of his words. "So, you're saying you want me to go then?" She didn't understand what was happening. They'd had a fight, but it wasn't that serious, was it? Not unless he was tired of her already?
"Katelina." He took a deep breath and his eyes shifted back to the night sky. "Katelina," he began again, his voice strangely tight. "I live in a world of night, of darkness. A world of blood and death. I can't ask you to stay in it."
Her eyes widened in disbelief as all of her stupid illusions crashed down around her. "So this is it then?" she demanded. "You're healed up and I'm not responsible anymore, so pack your bags and scuttle off home and try to pick up your life?"
He refused to meet her eyes. "Katelina, I should never have involved you."
They'd had this conversation before. He'd admitted then that she probably hadn't been in danger, it was that he didn't want to- what? Give her up? As if that seemed to be a problem now!
"Yeah?" She demanded furiously. "Well you did! And now I'm here and all you can say is 'go home'?"
He waved his free hand, silencing her objections. "What would you have me say?" He turned to her and met her gaze, his eyes burning like black flames. "What?"
The answer rose to her lips, but she refused to speak it. How could she? How could she say all those sugar coated fairy dreams when he stood there, telling her he didn't want her anymore?
He cleared his throat and looked away. "As I said, you should go home. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was all a mistake."
Katelina's stomach lurched. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was like one of her secret nightmares; the one where Velnya appeared from the shadows and she and Jorick walked away together, laughing at the stupid human. But the sharp tang of the winter air told her she was awake. She was truly horribly awake.
"A mistake?" she echoed weakly, her voice nearly lost beneath the sound of the waves. "It was a mistake?"
"Maybe," he admitted. "I-I don't know. I thought I did, once." He shook his head as if to clear it all away. "It doesn't matter. What matters is that you should go before anything else happens. Loren's still here. He could take you tomorrow."
"Fine," she snapped and jerked her hand away from him. "Forget it, Jorick. I'll go, okay? You're tired of me, I get it." She turned away and started to walk towards the house.
"No!" He caught her arm and tugged her around to face him. "You misunderstand."
"Do I?" She glared at him, and tried to wrench her arm free. "Then what? I'm not as good as Velnya, is that it?" He flinched as if she'd physically slapped him and she instantly regretted her words.
And then he was suddenly furious.
"Where did you hear that name?" he roared, his face too close to hers. "Answer me! Was it Loren? Was it? Or Oren?" He held both her arms and shook her. "Answer me!"
Tears of shock and hurt stung her eyes and she shouted, "Let me go!" At her words, he stopped and stared at her as if he'd never seen her before. She pulled free from him and backed away over the frosty, uneven ground. "I'm not stupid, Jorick! If you want to keep secrets you should guard them better!" She seethed with anger, how dare he jerk her around like that! She decided he was right; it was time she went back to the real world.
He opened his mouth but no words came out, so she filled the silence for him. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'll go." And before he could answer, she turned and fled through the silent night, her chest hollow and aching.
Jorick didn't stop her, or follow her, and she was soon back inside the house. She kicked away her shoes and jerked the coat off roughly. It fell to the floor in a heap and she left it. A stack of books was in her way, and she lashed out and sent them scattering, but it didn't make her feel any better.
She stormed towards the basement, though stopped outside the white door. She rattled the knob, but of course it was locked. Of course.
"Fuck you!" she screamed and punched it again and again, until her knuckles were bruised and the wood splintered. When the pain finally registered, she stopped and stared dumbly at the dent she'd made. If only Jorick was that simple to mark. If only she could make him remember her as easily.
Tears burned her eyes and she fled down the basement stairs. She started for the bedroom, but suddenly thought about what it would be like when Jorick joined her. How could she face a night of him silently sleeping only inches away from her, yet knowing that he might as well be in the next country? The thought made her sick, so she flung herself into the junk room and dropped to the empty patch of floor. She raised trembling hands to her flushed face and, though she tried to hold them in, deep sobs broke lose until she gave in.
