Chapter 555
It was near sunrise when Katelina and Jorick went to their room. She brushed her teeth and ran through the day's events in her mind. The conversation in the TV room leapt to the fore, and she thought about what Jamie had said.
"You never had a choice."
She pulled on her pajamas and exited to find Jorick half-naked. "There's something I want to ask you." He stopped from unfastening his jeans, his eyes wary. "When we first met, did you use your whisperer abilities to make me go into the house?"
"Why?"
"That's what Jamie said."
Jorick grimaced. "Did he?"
"Yes. Is it true?" His silence compounded her suspicion and she repeated the question. "I have a right to know."
"Fine. Yes. I influenced you to come inside and listen to me."
Her eyes bulged. "Are you serious? You made me"
"I didn't make you, I just-suggested." He sighed at her fury. "I'm sorry, all right? But, if I hadn't, you'd have never come in. You were reckless, but not that reckless. And it's all worked out for the best."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. It was just like Micah said, "-that gives him the right to mess with people's heads and try to run the fucking show?"
"So it's okay because it was for my own good?"
"Yes. Just like after Claudius-" He broke off and looked away.
She narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?"
He made an exasperated sound. "You were-scarred. Upset. For Christ's sake, he attacked you. Some women never get over that!"
"So you-what? Made me get over it?"
"No. To do that I'd have had to seal your memories. I just tried to help."
Her tone was icy. "How?"
"I gave you suggestions while you slept. Nothing sinister. Nothing horrible. I told you that you were safe and loved, that it was in the past, that I would never let it happen again." She gaped and he added, "It's no different than human therapy."
"You mean brainwashing!"
"It's not brainwashing. I didn't convince you of untruths, or plant delusions. I just tried to help. I didn't know what else to do."
She felt the spark of his desperation and shied away from it. "When did you start helping me?"
"That night and every night after until you didn't need it anymore."
"When was that?"
"Before we joined Oren."
"Have you 'helped' me get over anything else?" Was her seemingly emotional resilience really her, or him?
"I hope I've helped in other ways, but no, not like that." She continued to glare and he exploded, "What did you want me to do? Leave you broken? Watch you fall to pieces in my hands? I'm sorry, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't watch you suffer. I love you, Katelina, and if it's in my power to save you, I will, even if it's from yourself."
The wave of his emotions was overpowering and she pushed it away. She didn't need his feelings crowding her own. "Which of us did you really do it for? Me, or you?"
He hesitated. "Love is selfish. Anyone who says differently is selling something."
His truth went against the age old sentiment, and it was more than she wanted to think about. "Never again. You looked at me then as a human, as some weak thing, but not now. Now I'm your equal, and whether you want to deal with the aftermath or not, you promise that you will never do it again."
His face hardened. "I can't do that. I won't promise to let you hurt needlessly, not if I can do something to stop it."
"Who are you to determine if it's needless? It's through hardships that people grow stronger; relationships grow stronger. What makes you think you can determine if it's necessary or not? You're not God."
"I don't think I'm God. Yes, tempering may make the glass stronger, but it can only handle so much before it shatters. There's a point where pain isn't helpful, only detrimental. How can you ask me to ignore that? Would you?"
She wanted to say she would, but she couldn't. Not honestly. He was right. Love was selfish. How many times had she longed to take his sorrow? What would she do if she could? She knew the answer: she'd do the same thing he had. But that didn't make either of them right.
"Fine. But from now on, you have to tell me. No secrets. Now, is there anything else from the past you need to tell me?"
He rolled his eyes. "No."
She pressed a kiss to his cheek, but her tone held a warning. "There better not be."
***
The next evening Sarah and Katelina casually strolled into the larger dining room where the guests had their breakfast. Petta was in attendance, as was the vampire Jorick pointed out as M?ngkedai the night before. The other three were conspicuously absent.
Sarah scrutinized the present suspects. "Our stalker was out there last night, but they both look well rested."
"Jorick said older vampires could make do with less sleep," Katelina reminded her.
"I think they'd still look tired. I can't believe Jorick doesn't care someone's after him."
"I'm surprised you do. I didn't think you liked him." Katelina wanted to grab the words back, but it was too late.
"I don't dislike him," Sarah said slowly. "I just"
"What are you doing here? Isn't the help supposed to be segregated?"
Katelina's shoulders stiffened at Anya's snotty tone.
"It's none of your business where we are," Sarah snapped back.
"It is my business. I don't want to feed with the trash."
Des sauntered between them. "Hello, Anya. Still hiding your brother in your room? Too ashamed to bring him out in public?"
Anya's face contorted with fury. "You're the one who should be ashamed. You and her." She jabbed a finger toward Katelina "And Jorick, and everyone else who let that happen to him."
Des shook his head sadly. "You talk a good game, but you didn't go after him right away. You probably hoped they'd kill him, so you could quit cleaning up after him all the time."
The slap echoed through the room. The ambient conversation died as all eyes turned to the unfolding fight.
Des rubbed his cheek and offered her a grin that said, "Is that the best you can do?" With a snarl Anya stormed away.
The conversation slowly resumed, and Des turned to Sarah. "She didn't bother you too much, did she?"
"No."
The dark vampire rubbed his neck. "Look. About yesterday-"
Sarah shrugged. "It doesn't matter."
"Except it does. Here's the deal. I worked with Jorick before. I met him through his friend's sister. She and I were kind of a thing, and she talked me into helping out with their war. Anyway, things went bad. One of our allies betrayed us. When we went to fight her, it turned out someone else was spying for her. I was pissed about my friends getting killed in a war they didn't give a damn about, and Torina and I were already having problems. Every time I turned around she chose Jorick over me."
Torina? Katelina bit back a growl. What did he mean she was choosing Jorick over him? As in how? When?
Des continued, "Hell, everyone acted like he was some kind of God. There was evidence that he was the traitor, even if it was flimsy, and it was easier to direct all my anger at him instead of looking into it. Now we know Anya's brother was the spy and he already got what he deserved. That doesn't mean I like JorickI never liked Jorickbut I don't see the point in dragging you into the bad blood. It's not like you had anything to do with it."
"No, I didn't," Sarah agreed.
Des shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He crossed, and uncrossed his arms, his eyes on the floor. Finally he looked Sarah in the face. "I'm sorry. All right?"
Sarah nodded. "I accept your apology."
"So friends, then?" He stuck out his hand.
Sarah considered it before she took the proffered hand. "Friends."
They shook and Des held on a little longer than necessary. "What are you doing today?"
Katelina cleared her throat loudly. The last thing she wanted to do was watch this. "You can stay here, but I'm gonna-" She trailed off, though the meaning was basically "go anywhere but here."
"See you later," Sarah replied.
Katelina raised an eyebrow at the dismissal and hurried away before she said something nasty. Despite Des' fine words, he hadn't bothered to apologize to her or Jorick.
