Chapter 51
"Liar!!" Claudius' voice echoed through the stone chamber. His face pressed close to hers and his lips snarled back from his shining teeth.
Katelina stifled a sob, and tried to free herself. He threw her to the floor again and she felt her body break beneath him. His voice was in her mind screaming shrilly; a sound to make her ears bleed. And then the pain came. Her body was enveloped in invisible fire and, her terrified screams filled her ears-
***
"Katelina!" a voice shouted her name, but she struggled against the hands that held her. "Katelina!" the voice shouted again, and she felt herself being shaken.
She jerked up and slashed at Claudius, her fingers like claws. But, as her eyes snapped open, she saw only milky darkness and a pair of large hands holding her wrists. Her head jerked around, and she found herself staring at Jorick. His dark eyes were filled with alarm.
"Katelina! Stop!" he insisted. He lowered his voice, but his words were still forceful, "Stop!"
She blinked at him and her pounding heart began to slow. He released her arms and she let them fall to her lap. The skin was scraped and bruised - such a contrast to the clean white sheet. Tears slipped down her face. They came slowly at first, and then in torrents until her whole body shook with sobs.
Jorick hesitated and finally wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him, "Shhhhh," he murmured in her ear. "It's all right, you're safe. Shhhhh...."
She buried her face in his cold chest and shook her head, "No," she whispered hoarsely. "No, it's not."
He stroked her hair gently and assured her. "Yes, you're here with me. I won't let Claudius hurt you again."
"But you let him. You already let him."
He sighed deeply and cradled her tighter. His voice was husky, heavy with his own guilt. "It's my fault. I should never have trusted Kateesha. I should have known she would betray us."
At the mention of Kateesha's name she became enraged. God dammit, she cursed inwardly. It was his fault! What the hell had he been thinking? She clenched her hand into a tight fist and, unable to stop herself, she slammed it into his naked shoulder as she shouted, "Yes, it is!" She jerked away from his embrace and pummeled him as tears poured down her face. He made no move to restrain her, or to deny her accusation, and this made her even angrier. She wanted him to yell back. She needed him to feel something for once - just for once!
"You made me stay behind!" she yelled, trying to provoke him. "You made me stay alone! How the hell am I supposed to know about all of this shit? How the hell am I supposed to do anything to them?" She hit him harder, though her fists bounced off of him, completely ineffective. "You let them take me, god dammit! You let them!"
A sharp pain lanced through her shoulder and her fury evaporated in defeat. She hung her head and sobbed. "You let them," she choked out. "You let them."
Jorick gathered her up again, and she lay against him, limp and choking for air. "Shhhhh," he soothed. "You need to calm down and breathe." He rocked her gently. "Breathe slowly-"
"That's fucking easy for you to say!" She jerked away and glared at him. "It wasn't you in that fucking cage! You weren't the one that he- did- that to." Even in her anger she couldn't say the words, the unspeakable phrases that meant dark, violating acts. It was as if voicing any of them would summon the pain again. "You weren't the one that he- God! He was in my fucking head! Do you understand that? Do you have any idea?"
"Yes," Jorick said quietly. "Yes, I know."
"You know?" she shrieked. "You know and yet you let him fucking do it! You let him - God! What? What was it? I don't even know, do you realize that? I don't even know what the fuck-"
"He drank from you," Jorick said softly, his eyes on the bed.
"Really?" she snapped sarcastically. "I hadn't noticed!" She swung her fist again. "Of course he fucking drank from me! He drank my fucking blood, Jorick and he - he-"
"There's a connection," Jorick murmured. "When a vampire bites someone. It's a mental connection, and he can do with it what he wants. He can make it pleasurable or he can make it torture."
"And we know what Claudius chose, don't we? Or do you? Should I tell you what it was like? Should I tell you how it was worse than anything else he did? Should I?"
She raised her fists to pummel him again, but he caught her wrists. He gazed into her eyes, his voice sorrowful, "I know. I know and I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" she shouted in disbelief. "Do you think that does anything?"
His voice rose until he was shouting. "What do you want from me? What do you want me to do? Tell me and I'll do it, all right? What?"
She gaped at him and tried to find words. She wanted him to... to... She didn't know what, but something. He had to do something to make this go away!
As if he knew her thoughts, he yelled, "I can't turn back time, Katelina. I can't erase what happened! I would if I could, but I can't!" He released her wrists and held his arms out wide. "You want to hit me? Hit me! You want to scream at me? Then scream! You want to hate me, then fine, hate me, Katelina! But know I'd have given anything to have spared you from that! I got there as fast as I could!" His voice dropped, begging her to understand. "I got there as fast as I could!"
She opened her mouth to shout at him again, but couldn't find a point to it. There was nothing more for her to say. He was right. He had come for her. He'd come and he'd fought Claudius, and he'd saved her from whatever other tortures the twisted vampire had had in mind. He'd taken her to the hospital, against the wishes of the others, and he'd stayed there beside her as they'd sewn up her shoulder, even though the staff thought he had abused her and the police had tried to arrest him.
But she wanted to shout, she wanted to scream and she wanted to rage! Rage was better than the other feeling that was gnawing at her. Better than the darkness of despair and terror that was threatening to swallow her. Only in her anger was she safe from it, safe from being eaten alive and drowning forever in blackness.
Yet, what good would shouting at him do? What would it accomplish? His sorrow was etched across his perfect face in easy-to-read lines. His guilt and darkness was there, just behind his eyes.
