Chapter 41 Ravens of the North

"I-I"m sorry I-I thought I was going to die."
I stared at his embarrassed face after he broke the kiss and pulled me closer to him. I am so confused if the nervousness and the elated sensation I feel was because of the danger we got into or his sudden kiss he gave me on my lips after he slayed the monster. I wonder why he did that. What made him do that?
"I... I don"t..." I am not sure what to say but I didn"t leave my eyes on his face. He stared back at me, his green eyes showed lots of mixed emotions and I am not sure what the reason behind those feelings he"s showing to me.
Say it Jayson, d*mn it. Say it!
But my shoulders drooped when he walked away from me. The affection he portrayed was changed into something like regret. I thought he"s going to say the words that I want to hear from him but how about that kiss?
"Let"s go and find Timothy." His voice was sad when he uttered the words and the magic that suddenly appeared between us had gone. I was left hanging and confused about what happened to Jayson and why he"s been suppressing his obvious feelings for me but whatever it is, I"m scared to know. His actions are so different from his words and it"s upsetting. But what should I do? I can"t control his feelings. And if there"s something stopping him from telling me his feelings for me, then, I have no reason to invest more feelings for him from now on. To be honest, I feel sad and even though we are under the scorching heat of the sun, I could feel the sudden coldness he showed me, right just after he kissed me!
It"s vexing but I choose to forget about what had happened. I like Jayson. I really do. But the way he rejects his own feelings for me is a sign that he thinks I"m not good enough for him. Is it about our age gap? He"s just six years older than me.
I don"t want to feel affected by his sudden change of mood. I don"t like what he"s doing to me so with heavy feet, I walk past him and push the rifle on his arm, making him startled.
I refused to look back at him even though I heard him call my name.
Timothy"s still nowhere to be found. I exhaled. I shouldn"t let these vexing emotions bother me. But seconds pass and it makes me hate Jayson more.
"Harriet? What happened? You look like someone grabbed a lollipop from you." Li asked me, still looking frightened. I don"t care if it"s because of me or the mutated bull.
"I"m fine. Something just happened." I answered him, my voice heavy with anger. I didn"t notice that Jayson is already behind me but whatever! I"m mad. I don"t care if it will bother him.
"No sign of Timothy?" Jayson asked Li, his voice sounded like a scolded puppy.
Li shakes his head and my eyes angled upward. I am starting to get more worried now. Where the hell did he go? It"s not as if he could abandon us in the middle of this wide, dry terrain. There"s something that must have happened to him...
"But I saw this letter in front of the tent."
Jayson took the letter from Li and read it. He passed it to me after, and turned his back to us looking as frustrated as he combed his fingers on his hair.
The handwriting is clear, like the people who have written it had undergone drafting courses. I read it, murmuring, "I have your friend with us. If you all want to get him back, you must get into the place I have shown in the map. It"s in the back of the paper."
I looked at the back of the small paper and a detailed map was drawn on it, a little not too far from this place. Then beside it, the name Ravens of the North.
"Ravens of the North? Who are they? Is that mean..." my forehead creased.
"Sh*t he"s been kidnapped!" Jayson cried with his teeth gnashing together.
"What?! But he"s just been here before me and Mona noticed the monster!" Li answered with an incredulous look. "Do you think those people led that mutated beast here so we get occupied?
"Probably," I answered him. "There"s also a probability that they already know who Tim is... and he"s in great danger, guys. He needs us."
"But what about our plan to go to the meeting place in Zone twenty-three? Those soldiers can"t just wait for us forever, Harriet," Jayson disagreed with me and wanted to stick to the plan. "We won"t live if we go to that place. They know who you are, Harriet. You are the new face of hope of Arcania. You can"t let those men have you."
"Who cares about my d*mned face. Timothy is family too, Jayson! You all are family to me! We can"t just abandon him!"
Jayson stepped closer to me; he"s so upset with my sudden decision to save Timothy. "I understand your sentiment, Harriet. But are you willing to risk your life and go to that place without saving your father and your brother first?"
Mona gave a comment with her hand signal and I look at Li. "She said Jayson has a point. But she"s also worried about him." he interpreted what she implies, he cannot look straight to my face.
"You can go without me, then." I took the rifle from Jayson"s hand and looked at him sharply. "I won"t abandon Tim. At least that"s what my conscience is telling me."
I walked away from them. I know I"m being too stubborn but how can they live and think that Timothy"s going to die in the hands of that unknown organization? It makes me confuse how these men caught Timothy. Were they spying on us the whole time we stayed here? I"m scared but every time I close my eyes, I see Timothy"s scared face calling out our names.
Tears fell from my eyes as I stopped walking, my knees trembling terribly. I couldn"t decide what to do. I don"t want to choose between my family and Tim. Both of them are important to me. Both of them need me. My shoulders shake when sobs emerge from my throat and I find myself crying, confused and heartbroken. What should I do? Why does everything always have to be this complicated?
I felt Jayson"s hand on my shoulder. When I turned around to confront him again, he pulled me close to him and held me into a tight embrace. I pushed him away because I am still upset by his unclear feelings for me but no matter how hard I punch his sides while I cry, he still held me until I calmed myself down.
"I-I"m sorry, Harriet... I don"t want to hurt your feelings. I"m sorry that... that kiss... I was also startled when I did it. But never feel bad about it, Harriet. I like you. I know you could feel it but let"s set this thing aside yet and focus on what we should do." He explained as I punched his sides, his lips whispering on to my ears.
My sobs drowned all the thoughts in my head and stopped torturing Jayson. I cried on his chest and embraced him, tears flowing down my face.
"Ok. Let"s go and save him."
I looked at his face. He stared straight into my eyes and smiled awkwardly at me. "Yes. I"ll just talk to Li and Mona to stay here until we get back from where those people want us to go."
"Are you sure about that? What if... what if any of us get killed?" I said to him, my lips trembling with anxiety eating my brain out. "Promise me if I die you"ll—"
"You"re not going to die, ok? None of us are going to die. We"re survivors. We have survived so many impossible circumstances since we got out of that airport. Harriet, listen to me..." He cupped my face with both of his hands. "I won"t let anything happen to you..."
Confused and scared for both of us, I silently pray that those people are not as vicious as we think they are. But Jayson"s words... They really make me fall for him more. "Why are you doing this for me? Why are you risking your life for me, Jayson?"
"I-I don"t know... What I know is I need to see you safe, Harriet. There"s a feeling inside me that I need to protect you no matter what happens..."
That is not the answer I wanted to hear from him, though but I guess he"s just not ready to face his true feelings for me yet. Whatever is stopping him to admit it, it must be really personal. I need to find it out. But not now... we must save Timothy and we have to hurry before those people do anything bad at him.