Chapter 42 Confused Feelings

"What?! No way we will stay here!" Li cried, disagreeing with our plan.
I knew they wouldn't agree with this.
"We have no choice, Li. There"s a probability we won"t come back anymore." Jayson kept on explaining to him.
We asked Mona and Li to stay in this building until we rescue Tim but it seems that it"s harder to persuade them to wait here rather than executing the plan to rescue our friend.
"Li... Think of Mona. Those people who took Timothy must be connected to the rebels. We"re not sure yet what they want from us but what I"m sure is there"s a possibility we"ll die while saving our friend." I told him I was a little desperate, hoping that they understood the danger we"re saying. It"s harder for me to leave them here but it"s the safest place we know. Aside from the good thing that this building holds a lot of supplies that we need, it"s also a shelter from any kind of bad weather.
Mona stepped closer to me and held both of my hands. She nods at me, her face full of courage. I stared at her eyes and my heart filled with admiration for her rational understanding of this situation. Mona, the healer of this group, also has a warrior heart. Maybe not for fighting but her faith for us is unwavering. And I am so thankful that she trusts me.
"I promise we will be back as soon as we can. Just stay here and not make any move that will attract the enemies. Do you understand?" I reminded Mona and she nodded her head twice and smiled at me, making me feel that she"s fine with it. I smiled at her and hugged her tight. "Take care of Li and watch over him. He"s very clumsy sometimes... well, most of the time." I whispered in her ear and we both giggled shortly.
Li and Jayson looked at us, both confused. I winked at Mona and she giggled at me again.
I gave her one last hug and she gave me a sign that me and Jayson should be careful and come back with Tim. I nod at her as she leads Li inside the store. Li"s face looked devastated and scared but he finally agreed when Mona persuaded him.
I wish I"m as faithful as Mona.
"Let"s go Harriet. We have so little time to spare." Jayson patted me on the shoulder and we both ran towards the car. He made a last check on the engine and closed its hood, his face a little anxious.
"What"s wrong?" I asked him when he positioned himself on the driver"s seat, his hand on the steering wheel and the other was inserting the key on the ignition. The engine roared in his first attempt to start it. I saw a victorious smile on his face as he glanced at me and wink.
I sneered at him. "You"re too tense, Jayson. Try to breathe."
"I"m sorry. It"s been years since I tried fixing cars like this again. And I remember someone when I do such a thing." He answered, feeling relieved that the car runs smoother than the first time we used it.
"Your dad?"
His face suddenly darkened and I felt a little regret about mentioning his dad. I forgot his dad abandoned him and his mother when he was just a baby. Stupid Harriet!
"I-I" sorry, I forgot—"
"No, it's fine. I"m not that affected anymore and I already forgot about the man." He answered with a smile which I know is a fake one because his eyes are showing rage and his hand is tightly gripping the steering wheel. It"s funny that he"s the one convincing himself instead of me.
"Okay. Let"s not talk about it then." I replied and swallowed the nervous feeling that emerged in my throat.
He stepped on the gas and we continued our way to the place Timothy"s kidnappers wanted us to meet them. They didn"t demand anything. They must know that Timothy"s the son of the richest guy in Arcania but they didn"t ask us for money or anything. They just want to meet us and I feel there"s something strange about it. Why us? What kind of organization are the Ravens of the North? I wonder what kind of principle they are fighting for... in this era that people are burning with hatred against the New Arcanian Republic, there are unknown groups of people that are rising in the midst of the cold war happening inside this continent.
Jayson drove the car as fast as the engine could handle. The place is not too far from here but we must get Timothy before it gets dark. We will try to negotiate what kind of demand those people want from us. What"s more important is we retrieve Tim and get out of that place as soon as we can.
I looked at Jayson"s face. I hope he can be more specific on why he kissed me after he killed the mutated beast. But I don"t want to force him. If he can"t love me the way I want him to me, then maybe I just need to be patient and wait until he"s ready enough. I want to know if Jayson"s being just a jerk or maybe his feelings are too true to me that it scares him. That"s what I feel for him too. If I"ll reflect his feelings to mine, then maybe he"s also scared that he might just lose me since there"s no certainty in our future that we"ll survive all these struggles we"re facing together. He"s been with me since my second day in Zone four and he never left my side. Maybe I just need to trust him more. I need to have more faith in him...
I reached for his hand and he looked at me for a minute, surprised. I intertwined our fingers together. The boldness of my action made me nervous and so happy at the same time. Whatever kind of feelings we have for each other, maybe I could give him the reassurance that I"m just waiting for him until he is ready.
He didn"t look at my face but I saw him swallowing. Is he nervous like me? We stayed like that, our hands clasped on each other. He held my hand tight and my happiness turned to sadness...
I think I am starting to love him...
Jayson entered a place in the middle of buildings; all are about ten floors high, and have the same structures. A tenement? I"m not sure. But the place is empty and silent as a graveyard. Aside from the barricades we saw are the cloth hanging on the building with a raven painted on them.
No matter how fast Jayson drove the car, it"s still almost dark when we reach the place.
"We"re here." He murmured with tension in his voice, his eyes as sharp as a wolf. He took his hand from me and a different kind of fear rushed in my brain. Then a sharp stab of regret in my chest followed. What if he dies here because of me? I couldn"t breathe. My heart is drumming in my chest
With haste, I stepped forward, blocking Jayson from stepping closer to the place.
"Harriet—"
"WE"RE HERE! Let us see Timothy!" I screamed all over the place and I heard the sound of the guns cocking all over the place. I heard movements from the building, faint voices of men and banging of metals.
Jayson and I flinched when a dazzling light blinded us. I cover my face with my hand and squint, trying to look at the faces of the men that are already pointing their guns on both of us.
I felt Jayson"s hands pulling me as he stepped forward, hiding me on his back. It"s the moment when I realized there is someone walking towards us; a man with dark skin and white hair. From my perspective, he"s probably around his forties. He is wearing clothes that look like they are patched together, and he"s barefooted. His feet must be hurting as he steps on the small rocks sitting on the rough, dry ground. He has a kind expression on his face and that made me more scared. I"ve seen so many kind faces in my life and most of them hide a monster behind those friendly smiles. I clutched Jayson"s sleeves tightly, giving him a warning not to make any sudden move or all these men will shoot us to ribbons.
"Welcome to this place, children of Arcania." The man greets us with a gentle smile on his face.
Frightened of what may happen next, Jayson never let me face the man. His arms are too strong for me to let go of me and the man curiously looks at us.
"It"s ok. You can let go of the lady behind you. I don"t bite." The man said to Jayson, suppressing a friendly laugh and raised his hand for a handshake. "My name is Melvin. And I am the leader of the Raven of the North..."