Eighteen: Deserve

Temperance

My eyes are slow to open, and pain jolts through my body as I grow more familiar with my surroundings.

My mind spins in circles, trying to reveal the lost pieces of memories.

"Up the morphine intake." An unfamiliar voice states.

I fully open my eyes, realizing I'm in Alec's house again.

I glance down at the bandage wrapped around my torso and the memories come flooding back.

Erin had shot me, trying to kill me.

But if she wanted to kill me... why didn't she shoot me in the head?

As seconds pass I feel the pain in my body subsid. Morphine is a wonderful antidote for pain.

"I'm glad you're up!" Alec speaks in a calm voice, sitting on the edge of the bed. I try my best to sit up, my arms too shaky to lift me. He wraps his arm around my back, helping me to a sitting position.

He's barely touching me, taking his hands away as I'm positioned comfortably. It seems like he's afraid I might break.

"How long have I been here..?" I ask in a raspy voice. My throat stings with dryness.

"We brought you in here yesterday. It's noon right now." He responds, pressing his lips to my forehead. I should be weirded out by him kissing my forehead, but I can't bring myself to hate his gentle lips.

"I'm not letting you go back to that house." He states, his voice soft yet stern. I bring my eyes to look at him, my face dripping with confusion.

"Why can't I go back?" It's not that I want to go back, it's that I like explanations for the simple things.

"We will talk about it later. But you are moving in."

I don't argue with him, I simply nod, taking in the reality of the situation.

This seems unreal. This doesn't happen in real life, does it? Maybe it's because I'm the main character of some movie or book. The writer of this must hate me.

I lay down, grabbing his arm and pulling him down with me. "Lay with me. Please."

I scoot over, and he takes his place under the covers beside me.

He lays flat on his back while I lay on my side facing him. I put my head on his chest and my right leg over both of his legs.

His heartbeat calmed my nerves. He's what I need right now.

I don't know why being with him makes me feel safe. It could be from him always saving me, or it could be the kindness he hides under his rock exterior. The kindness reminds me of my mother.

I'm definitely feeling this way because I almost died.

**************

I wake up a few hours later. I am still lying on Alec's chest. I groggily lift my head and gaze at him.

He gives me a sweet smile, he looks like he just woke up. "I'm glad you're up." He gently touches my cheek with his thumb.

I give him a halfhearted smile and peel myself away from him. I sit with my legs crossed on the bed beside him. Facing him with his covers wrapped around my small frame.

"We need to go back and get some clothes for me," I suggest quietly. Almost like I am afraid to speak. Like I don't trust my own voice.

"No." He replies. My mouth falls open, and I quickly shut it.

"What do you mean 'no'?" I say 'no' in a mocking tone. Although they tried to kill me, it is still my house. I understand Alec's worry but he has no right in denying me entry to my own house.

"Emaline and Rea are getting you clothes right now. We are not going back to your house."

I nod and bite my lip. I don't know what is going to happen after today.

I jump when there is a knock at the bedroom door. "Who is it?" Alec asks.

"Temperance's bestie." I heard Emaline's voice through the door.

She and Rea step in with four bags of clothes. My mouth drops open.

The bags are big. And when I say big. I meant BIG. Like I could probably fit into them.

It's clear that these are not my clothes.

"W-what...?"

They drop the big bags of clothes down in a row.

"This bag," Emaline points to the biggest bag. "This is filled with party clothes. Or like showy clothes. Crop tops, booty shorts, short dresses. Etc. anything that shows off your body."

I shrink back, not certain that I'll wear clothes like that. I've never been comfortable in my body and. Don't think wearing clothes like that will help me.

Ignoring my negative thoughts I nod, pulling the blanket around me tighter.

Rea speaks up. "This one is filled with regular clothes. Baggy clothes and sweatpants or regular pants. Clothes that don't show off too much. And there's bras and underwear." This is the first time I've heard her speak.

Her voice is soft, she seems like a nice person. She has dark skin with brains so long they stop at her waist. She doesn't wear lipstick like the other girls, she wears a coat of clear gloss and nothing else.

I give her a small smile, lighting my mood whenever I receive one back. 

"This one. This one is pajama pants. And more underwear and bras." Emaline points to another bag, moving her long hair out of her face.

"This is workout stuff. And black outfits so you can wear to the warehouse if you want to come." Rea points to the last bag and explains that they only wear black at the warehouse.

I feel my heart jump out of my skin as what seems like an alarm shrieks through the room.

Alec jumps to his feet, throwing the covers on the side. Emaline and Rea dash out of the room, taking their guns out.

"W-whats happening?" I ask Alec, my fear building up.

"Just stay here. DONT come out. I'll come to get you when this is over."

Unsatisfied with the answer he gave me I watch as he scurries out of the room.

As the alarms die down I crawl under the covers, laying in a small ball.

Loud gunshots ring throughout the house, forcing my anxiety to climb.

That could be Alec getting shot right now. It could be Zander, Connor, Damien, Emaline, Ethan, or Rea.

Any of my friends could have gotten shot. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing I can do about it trapped in this room at least.

I uncover myself and crawl towards the edge of his bed. He has a big bed—a King. And I happen to lay right in the middle.

I throw my legs over the side, careful not to cause any damage to my wound.

I stand, holding my side. I am wearing black shorts that barely cover my ass. I suspect that they are Emalines since they have the initial of an E on the rim.

My shirt is long. It is obviously Alecs. His cologne is on it.

As soon as I take a step forward, I hear a knock at the door.

Not a knock.

A pounding.

Like someone is trying to get in. By force.

They can't just get in. There is a lock. And Alec locked the door.

But what if it is Alec.

I stand in place, frozen with uncertainty. How am I supposed to go about this situation? If it is Alec and he is hurt, I can't leave him out there. But if it isn't Alec and I open the door, I can die.

The door flies open, revealing a familiar face.

No, not a good familiar face. This isn't good. This isn't good.

It's Dustin. I remember seeing his face at the deal I went to.

He is on Jared's side.

I run to the closet, trying to get away, but Dustin's arms wrap around my waist, picking me up, and flinging me around.

I pound on his arms and hands while I kick my feet. Trying to get him to drop me. It doesn't work.

"Let me go!!" I struggle in his grasp.

Even if he did get me out of this room, he would have to go through many more to get me out of here. He'd have to go through Alec's gang.

They won't let him take me.

He steps out of the room with me continuing to fling myself around in his arms.

The first person we run into is Lidia. I feel my hope fall through my ass and down to hell.

Now I'll never get saved. I practically stop flailing my arms, knowing she will help him escape with me. She watches him as he struggles to reach for his gun. Her first flies towards us and I flinch, surprised when it doesn't hit me.

Blood sputters out of Dustin's nose and he drops me. I land on my knees, dumbfounded that she helped me.

With that action, he reaches for his gun, only to find a bullet in his hand. Blood splatters onto the ground, the bullet lodged in the wall behind us.

He curses her name before retreating, leaving us by ourselves.

Lidia grabs my arm harshly and pulls me back into Alec's room.

"You're so pathetic. This is why you were raped. Because you aren't strong." She tells me before closing the door.

I sit on the floor, processing what she just said.

This is why he raped you.

You're so pathetic.

I'm not strong.

You're so pathetic. This is why he raped you. You deserved it.

I deserved it.

The cruel sentence replays in my head over and over again. I sit in silence, feeling my heart shatter.

I feel disgusting. I am disgusting.

Maybe I did deserve to get raped because I am pathetic.

Then to break me out of my thoughts, Alec bursts into the room.

"Oh, God." He looks down at me with worry plastered across his face.

"Lidia told me what happened. I was so worried." He tells me, dropping down onto the floor beside me.

He reaches out to hug me but I stop him, "She told you what she said too?" I ask quietly.

"No. What did she say?" He asks.

I shake my head no. I'm not going to tell him. I won't put that stress on him. He's done enough for me.

He stands to his feet, holding his hand out for me. I glance at him before taking his hand.

I feel the weight of my body as I hold myself up. Oh, how I wish I could fly instead of stand.

We walk down the stairs to the living room.

Only a few people are here.

Zander, Damien, Ethan, Connor, and Emaline.

The rest of the gang was apparently in the warehouse. Waiting for the people that were here.

"What's this about..?" I ask quietly. Taking my seat on the couch. Alec sits beside me.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Emaline speaks up, pain flickering in her eyes. I know what this is about. This is about the abuse.

"W-what do you mean?" If I keep stacking up my lies, they will eventually believe me. Hopefully.

But I am sick of lying. I don't want to lie anymore.
A Thousand Lies
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