Thirty-eight: The form
Temperance
I sit at my usual desk at school, in the back. And wait for the teacher. I adjust in my seat as the teacher walks in with a stack of papers.
With a sigh I lay my head down on my desk, closing my tired eyes.
"Alright, class. So some exciting news. The school will be taking a weekend-long field trip. Partnering with two other school districts." I listen to Mrs. Trevors go on about a trip I probably won't go on.
I lift my head back up like a sheet of paper lands on my desk.
The info for the field trip and the signatures.
Fairview high school is proud to announce that we will be hosting a field trip with our two partnering school districts, Riverblossom high school, and Westring high school.
My heart drops as the form mentions my old high school, Riverblossom.
Where all my friends are. Where Alec is.
I will have to avoid him. I can't get caught up with him again. I can't get caught up with ANY of them.
My heart wrenches thinking of them. Thinking of not talking to them. Having to avoid them. It kills me.
I continue reading.
This Friday, we will be taking the students, your children, to a ski resort. They will stay until Sunday. We will drop them back off at the high school at five pm.
I stop reading, remembering Vicky and Austin would never let us go.
Even if they did, I have no friends. Who would I hang out with? I can't hang out with Chris and Kenli the whole time. They have their own friends.
I don't feel like making new friends either. No one strikes my interest. And if I'm honest. I don't care about anyone here. I don't give a fuck. Everyone here is just so stupid.
I can't hang out with my old friends... I have to avoid them. And Austin forbid it. If I were to hang out with them, then he would make sure something bad happened.
In total, I am supposed to be completely alone, with no way to get help. Austin and Vicki say it's too risky, and I'm too stupid.
He has a few "spies" watching me too. So if I make friends, it won't be enjoyable for me.
These spies. They are school students. They go to my school, in my grade. I pass by them every day.
I know who they are too.
Veronica and Brannon. Why them? Apparently, they are family friends or something.
They don't know Austin and Vicki are beating me. I don't even think they would care. All they want is the money Austin and Vicki give them.
Plot twist. Austin and Vicki don't have money. Where do they get it? Please don't ask me.
Could I possibly make friends with Veronica and Brannon? Hell no.
Suddenly there is a snapping in my face. The teacher glares at me. "You can daydream somewhere else, Ms. Andrews."
Bitch.
I nod, and that's how my day went.
Dreadfully.
****************************************
"So, what do you think about it?" I walk into Chris sitting on the couch with Austin looking over a Form. THE form.
Austin looks up at me with hate in his eyes. I look down at my shoes like they are the most interesting things I've seen all day.
"You can go. You can all go." Then Austin looks at me.
"If you break any rules, I'll make sure to break both of your arms." He threatens, all seriousness lining his face.
Chris frowns as I nod.
Then about thirty minutes later, our papers are signed and back in our bags.
Then we have to pack.
I throw long sleeve shirts that Alec brought me the last time I saw him. A month ago. Then I put in some ripped jeans, regular jeans, and leggings.
Then pajama pants.
Then toiletries.
I am set to go.
Physically.
**************************************************************************
Alec
Lidia walks into my room with pink lingerie on, ready to work her magic on me. She smiles at me and then walks up to me, putting her hand on my bare chest.
We've been hooking up ever since Temperance left. We don't hook up a lot. Only sometimes. Which doesn't bother her.
I take a deep breath as she kisses my neck.
Just close your eyes and imagine Temperance.
She moves her lips down to my chest and kisses me there. Then she gets on her knees and unbuttons my pants.
To her surprise, I am not even hard. There's only one person that can get me like that... Lidia wasn't that person.
She puts her mouth on my tip, and I sigh. She begins bobbing her head on my dick, but I'm not getting hard, which frustrates her.
She pushes me onto the bed and takes off her thongs, pulling down my pants and boxers. She places my not-hard dick under her and is about to go down.
I can't do this. This isn't Temperance. It's not her. I can't fake this anymore. She's not here.
I put my hand on Lidia's stomach and shove her backward, making her fall off the bed and onto her ass.
She stands up, looking at me with shock. I stand up, my heart racing as I pull my boxers up.
"The fuck Alec!?" She yells at me angrily.
"Get the fuck out of here!" I yell at her, pulling my pants up.
She stands back up and walks toward me again.
"Cmon. I can make it just like last week. I can make you cum. I know you liked that." She whispers seductively.
I glare at her. "The only reason I even got hard was that I imagined Temperance. Not you."
She frowns and backs up. Her mouth gaping wide open.
I zip up my pants and shove her backward, getting her out of my way.
She finally gets the memo and sprints out of my room, slamming the door behind her.
Then within a few minutes, I hear a light knock at my door.
"It's open."
Zander opens the door, holding a form that the school gave us.
I roll my eyes—the stupid field trip shit.
"So uh. You and Lidia? What happened to that?" He asks, seeing an old hickey from her on my chest.
How do I tell my best friend that I'm not over a girl that isn't even the girl I was hooking up with?
I stay silent.
"Ok. Onto something else now. What about Temp..?" He asks cautiously. Like he can read my mind.
"I miss her. So much." I sigh in defeat. There's not a day that's passed to where I haven't thought of her.
"What about her cousin? Why won't he let you see her? What's going on with him?"
I am ok with her cousin. He is loyal, and he is a good worker. He never questions and always does what he is told.
"He won't let me see her. He says they have an overprotective family." I feel like he is hiding something. He is always restraining something about her. I don't know what.
He says she's safe, and she's gotten somewhat better, but he can never look at me when he says that. There's always a guilty look in his eyes. Like he's lying.
"We all miss her," Zander admits.
I know they missed her too. Everyone misses her aside from Lidia. Temp kept order. But now she isn't here. Now she isn't even in our lives anymore.
When I stay silent, Zander again changes the topic.
"Have you got yours signed?" He asks. I nod and point towards my suitcase, already packed.
He nods and gives me an awkward smile.
He doesn't know what to say. Ever since Temperance left, no one has been communicating like we used to.
There are no more laughs, no more random hangouts—work and meetings. Sometimes we have regular conversations. But they are brief.
"Alec, I know it's hard-"
That right there. The sentence he said infuriated me.
"Oh no, you fucking don't. You don't know it. She's out there. Living her life without me. -I- wanted to be in her life. I didn't want to lose her. But now I can't even see her anymore! You don't know what it's like!" I yelled.
I watch Zanders expression change from sad to angry in seconds after saying my sentence.
"I may not know what it's like to not be in a person's life that I want to be in. But I know how it feels to have the girl of my dreams six feet under. I know what it feels like every day to wake up and remember she's gone. I know what it feels like to have to live without her."
With that, he leaves.
Zanders girl is dead.
My girl is alive. But I'm not in her life.
He has it worse, I admit.
But he isn't going off and getting drunk or hooking up with other girls even though the one he wants is gone.
But I am. I'm hooking up with a girl I know who hates Temperance. I'm hooking up with the girl Temperance hates. And Temperance isn't even dead. She's still alive.
God, what the fuck is wrong with me.
I'm so damn stupid it's unbelievable.
But then again, it's not as I'll ever see her again. And if I did, then I probably wouldn't be able to talk to her. I'm such a fuckup.
I wonder if she thinks about me. Or misses me.
I think about her every day. And I miss her every second.
I want her back in my arms.