Chapter Thirty-Three
Lee turned his head away from her, his emotions conflicting. Lee's heart hammered in his chest and he hated how vulnerable he felt. She more than liked him. He didn’t know how to respond. Lee stiffened as Marella’s hand landed on his arm. He gritted his teeth and clenched his eyes shut. Marella removed her hand and Lee started the car.
Marella stared out of the window with her heart in her throat. Lee wasn’t a talker or a toucher, he never touched her and the only time he had was that night with the fight, to prove his claim on her. She wasn’t sure what claim that was though.
The night Lee had stopped next to the road to help her change that tyre had been a turning point in her life. She’d liked the quiet, broody boy. He was huge and at first, she’d been frightened when he loomed over her.
*“Give me that,” Lee had said and then proceeded to change her tyre.*
He could text just fine, but speak? He couldn’t hold a conversation and he preferred to just watch and listen. She was completely in love with him, since that first morning when she woke up to find him asleep on the floor next to her bed.
Lee had a caring side to him that people rarely saw. He’d changed her bandages, basically fed her and stopped at nothing when she needed something. He never complained and he watched her, all the time. Sometimes it was unnerving and other times it made her feel special.
She mostly wished that she knew what he was thinking. His expression, or lack thereof, was unreadable. His eyes never portrayed any emotion and now after hearing his story, she finally understood Lee’s reluctance to get close to anyone. It just made her love him more, his strength was admirable and she wished he could see it.
They drove in silence back to Yorkdare Bay and Lee parked his truck on the road. His hands still gripped the steering wheel and he wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her how he felt but the words jumbled in his throat and made him choke instead.
“Lee.”
Lee turned to face her slowly and he could see the unshed tears in her eyes. “Why are you crying?”
“Am I not good enough for you?”
Lee frowned. “What?”
“In front of other people, you treat me almost like I’m your girlfriend but you never kiss me or touch me or tell me how you feel.”
Lee shook his head and gripped the steering wheel tighter. “I can’t.”
“You shared your past with me, horrific as it was, but it doesn’t define you, Lee.”
“It does! It absolutely defines me!” Lee’s voice cracked at the end and he flinched away from her as she lifted her hand again.
Marella let out a bitter laugh. “If you don’t want me, then you should say it. Why go to all the trouble to save me from the Elites when you could’ve just left me with them?”
The door slammed closed as Lee’s head snapped to the side. Marella was already unlocking the front door when Lee got out of his truck. His heart thundered in his ears as she went up the stairs and he followed behind her.
He caught her bedroom door in his hand as she slammed it shut and closed it behind him softly. He had a lot of natural aggression, but never with her. He took a deep breath and tried to calm the raging storm in his mind.
“Leave you with the Elites? Are you fucking kidding me?”
Marella’s shoulders stiffened but she didn’t turn to look at him. “What do you want, Lee?”
Lee’s fists clenched and unclenched. Her voice held so much sorrow, so much pain but her eyes were still alive. They weren’t dead like his, she hadn’t been broken like he had. “You.”
Marella turned to face him then but Lee lowered his head. “Then I really don’t understand what’s going on between us. You kissed me once, to make a point.”
“I’m not … I don’t know how to be like Kelley or Mason. I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’ve never been intimate or touched a girl, nobody’s seen me naked since I was twelve. I’m not something you'd want to look at and I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Lee … I fell in love with your soul, not the way you look and I like to look at you. I like the way you look,” Marella said softly.
“I can’t say those words. I know what they’re supposed to mean but to me they mean humiliation, pain and hunger. They mean being cold and wishing to die. How could you possibly look at me and not see me for what I really am? I’m scarred, battered and broken and no good for someone like you.”
Lee’s confession brought tears to her eyes and she took a step closer to him. “You’re not broken, Lee. If you’re no good for me then I’m no good for you either. I’m not perfect, far from it but the Lee I’ve gotten to know over the last few months sounds kind of perfect to me.”
Lee’s jaw clenched as he moved and pulled the t-shirt over his head and turned his back to her. Whip marks laced his back, crisscrossing over each other. Marella felt the horror rise up in her as Lee turned to face her again and she saw the same over his chest. “You think this is perfect to look at? Is this what you want to see every day?”
Marella wiped a stubborn tear from her cheek and took another step towards him. Lee closed his eyes and lowered his head. He wasn’t Lee the formidable defensive end at that moment or even the guy who had slept on her floor. He was a different version of that guy, one that was baring his soul in front of her.
Marella raised her hand. “Don’t,” Lee said as he took a step backwards.
Marella took a step backwards and Lee’s eyes opened as he looked at her again. Marella pulled her shirt over her head as Lee watched her and let it fall to the floor. She unbuttoned her jeans slowly and pulled the zipper down.
